Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.

clement's bookmarks 2

See also my (partial) success story at url

my sig is getting too long, so this is my answer to that. Eg, the day i created this, i added the three circles tool.

How do i view myself?

It is important. It should last. It should be something i would look back on after 40 years and say, yes, that's who i was / am. I dont want to look back and say, well i was close but i was a bit rash in deciding who / what i was. I should want to tell my grandkids and other family members and feel like it is true and reasonable.

so i will give myself time to think this thru. I can try self-images on for size for several months or years and see how they fit. And discard or adjust them as necessary.

I wrote this on 10/06/2012 and i still agree 1/14/2013. That's 3 months. On 1/14/2013 i added the dopamine part.

I believe i am an addict. Meaning daily, i am compelled to do things that are not in my best interest and against God's will, or am unable to do things that are in my best interest and according to God's will.

I'm glad i'm an addict. cuz the 12 steps constrain one's whole life to conform entirely within a set of restrictions chosen to prevent succumbing to the addition. Because for the alcoholic, there is nothing more important than avoiding a drink, cuz 1 drink leads to drunkenness and drunkenness has a powerful negative effect on their whole lives, ending in job loss, divorce and death. So it is prudent and rational to base one's whole life first and foremost on this one thing--avoiding alcohol.

however, for christians, an all-encompassing devotion to god and love of god is biblical. So as an addict i have the advantage of taking upon myself this yoke of 12 steps, with the change of goals from "avoid drinking" to "give my life to god".

1/14/2013 : I believe i have detected a chemical (dopamine) component. I often have a spontaneous, irrational urge to go off plan. usually to surf the net, but could be watch TV, eat something, even clean something--ANYTHING that's not on plan. There is a clue here: I even get the urge to do a task that is on my list, but NOT the next planned task. The important thing is that it was not planned, not what the task is. That is an important clue. And it feels very much like a "hit" as drug addicts describe it. Staying on plan, OTOH, is boring. I read somewhere that ADD sufferers have a dopamine problem. Dopamine is the main neurochemical that makes us feel "happy". For the ADD sufferer, "normal" life does not trigger enuf dopamine response. So that means the normal person is receiving more of a dopamine "hit" off the tasks of everyday life than the ADD sufferer. So the ADD sufferer needs to get their hit thru their impulsive behavior. I believe it is similar with me. Planned tasks do not deliver the same dopamine response in me. That's why i feel withdrawal symptoms. Going off plan does provide a hit.

It is possible, then, that "demand resistance" happens because doing that long-overdue project creates dopamine depletion w/in the procrastinators brain. And maybe that's why it takes a spiritual approach, because we're not getting the physical feedback necessary to do the task, we need a dopamine punch from another source.

Knowing I'm an addict and will always be is not defeating, it is liberating cuz now I know exactly how to deal w myself. No delusions or wishful thinking. And thanks to PA I do know how to deal w myself.

when all else fails

clement of 3/18/2009 writes to clement of the future: when all else fails, when you have no motivation, when you can't imagine that things will get any better, when you know the tools and what has worked for you in the past, but you can't bring yourself to step on the path of recovery...

wait on the lord

recall that recovery, indeed salvation, enlightenment and all spiritual growth, is something that god does to you, not something that you can do. All you can do is let it be done to you.

no matter how great your desire to save yourself, it is not possible. You are free to try, but it will not have final results. You must just wait

so if you find yourself at the bottom of a dark pit with no escape, that is the true state of the soul without god. All you can do is wait for god to hang down a rope. then you can use god's rope to climb out.


  • but those who wait on the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint. isa 40:31
  • Does the clay say to the potter, 'What are you making?' Isaiah 45:9
  • Although you may have to suffer for a short time in various trials. Such trials show the proven character of your faith, which is much more valuable than gold gold that is tested by fire, even though it is passing away and will bring praise and glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. You have not seen him, but you love him. You do not see him now but you believe in him, and so you rejoice with an indescribable and glorious joy, because you are attaining the goal of your faith the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:6-9
  • I lift up my eyes to the hills where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2
  • Be still, and know that I am God Psalm 46:10

  • 13 From heaven the LORD looks down
    and sees all mankind;

    14 from his dwelling place he watches
    all who live on earth-

    15 he who forms the hearts of all,
    who considers everything they do.

    16 No king is saved by the size of his army;
    no warrior escapes by his great strength.

    17 A horse is a vain hope for deliverance;
    despite all its great strength it cannot save.

    18 But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,
    on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,

    19 to deliver them from death
    and keep them alive in famine.

    20 We wait in hope for the LORD;
    he is our help and our shield.

    21 In him our hearts rejoice,
    for we trust in his holy name.

    22 May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD,
    even as we put our hope in you.
    Psalm 33:13-22

  • Jonah 2 (New International Version)
    Jonah's Prayer
    1 From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God. 2 He said:
    "In my distress I called to the LORD,
    and he answered me.
    From the depths of the grave I called for help,
    and you listened to my cry.

    3 You hurled me into the deep,
    into the very heart of the seas,
    and the currents swirled about me;
    all your waves and breakers
    swept over me.

    4 I said, 'I have been banished
    from your sight;
    yet I will look again
    toward your holy temple.'

    5 The engulfing waters threatened me,
    the deep surrounded me;
    seaweed was wrapped around my head.

    6 To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
    the earth beneath barred me in forever.
    But you brought my life up from the pit,
    O LORD my God.

    7 "When my life was ebbing away,
    I remembered you, LORD,
    and my prayer rose to you,
    to your holy temple.

    8 "Those who cling to worthless idols
    forfeit the grace that could be theirs.

    9 But I, with a song of thanksgiving,
    will sacrifice to you.
    What I have vowed I will make good.
    Salvation comes from the LORD."

    10 And the LORD commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.

  • -----
  • Hear my cry, O God;
    listen to my prayer.

    From the ends of the earth I call to you,
    I call as my heart grows faint;
    lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

    Psalm 61:1-2

  • -----
  • all of Psalm 51, but especially

    7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
    wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

    8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
    let the bones you have crushed rejoice.

    9 Hide your face from my sins
    and blot out all my iniquity.

    10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
    and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

    11 Do not cast me from your presence
    or take your Holy Spirit from me.

    12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
    and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.


    17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
    a broken and contrite heart,
    O God, you will not despise.

    18 In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;
    build up the walls of Jerusalem.

  • -----
  • Psalm 40

    1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
    he turned to me and heard my cry.

    2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
    out of the mud and mire;
    he set my feet on a rock
    and gave me a firm place to stand.

    3 He put a new song in my mouth,
    a hymn of praise to our God.
    Many will see and fear
    and put their trust in the LORD.


    11 Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD;
    may your love and your truth always protect me.

    12 For troubles without number surround me;
    my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
    They are more than the hairs of my head,
    and my heart fails within me.

    13 Be pleased, O LORD, to save me;
    O LORD, come quickly to help me.


  • So he [the angel] said to me, “This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: 'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the LORD Almighty. zechariah 4:6

when you're having a hard time starting your quiet time or pray/med time:

clement of 7/28/2009 writes to clement of the future: i dont know the answer yet, but i think it has to do with stop trying, and just let god do it to you.

  • phil 2:12-13Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
  • Gal 2:19-21 For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God. 20I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. 21I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!" ... 3:3 Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?
  • in my prayer time today, i was given the clarity to ask this question: "next time, when i am reluctant to come surrender myself before you, what should i do? What should i write down in this here bookmarks to get me over the hump?" And i didnt really hear an answer. But i kinda felt like the answer might be, there's nothing you can "do" to make it happen. It has to "just happen". which is interesting. It did not feel like i had to wait on the lord for him to do it. It was more like i had to wait for some chance occurrence that would tip the spiral in the positive (godly, surrendering) direction, and then keep on that spiral. This is based on my life with the flesh, and it's like the evil creatures at fablehaven, they need to be contained thru regular meetings with god, and how that subdues those forces.

    The interesting thing here, and it's consistent with other things that have been coming to me, is that the idea of the regular quiet time, the regular meetings w/ god, are to be seen as a sign of weakness, NOT strength, as i have alway thot. I should always be thinking that if i were stronger, i would be able to surrender myself to god of my own power, but because i am weak, i need this uninterrupted influence, sort of like a spell, which needs to be refreshed all day, sort of like taking medicine, or else i'll relapse.

    7 To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. - 2 cor 12:7-10

    i really think god wants me to never forget that strength from weakness.

  • 11/30/2009: confirmation / elaboration: recently in prayer i was given the idea: there cannot be some reliable way to always get myself back to god. There cannot be some "do xyz" and it will always work. Because if there was, then that thing would be my strength and my refuge, and not god himself. The only thing i can depend on is god himself, and not even my always being one with god, always staying with god, moving back to god, daily quiet time, bible study, prayer, church, none of it. None of it trumps god as the ultimate thing to depend on.

    1/14/2010: new idea recently: feeling miserable w/o god, or even when god withdraws, actually winds up glorifying god. If he has brought me to such a place that when he's not in my life i fall apart, then that demonstrates that i need him, depend on him. And so whether i have him in me or not, just being in that state, being that kind of person, glorifies god.

(on 14 jan 2010 i accidentally deleted these bookmarks. fortunately, google had a cached copy from jan 7 2010. the accidental deletion happened cuz i hit DELETE at the bottom of a edit page. i thot that delete meant delete the change i was making, not the whole thread. dang :(