Friday 17th May 2013

Please do not leave advice or feedback.  Thank you.  Prayers welcome.

The commitment is thirty minutes of exercise before midnight of any of the following format: running, jogging, a combination of running-walking-jogging, swimming, walking, attending a fitness class (something that requires me to leave the house), stationary biking, biking, dance class, aerobic class, yoga, karate (or other martial arts).  I have been having a little bit of a problem with getting myself to do the running plan consistently.  I typically result in walking, which is fine; that's infintely better than nothing at all.  But, I do want to provide a circumstance for myself to run, if once I get to the gym or "get out there" I feel up to it.  So, I am going to restart the running plan today, and wherever I start with the run/walk combination, that will be where I'm at.  I'm changing the commitment in the following way: on days when I am assigned to run by the running training program, I need to wear my running clothes.  I do not actually have to run, but I need to wear those clothes on running days. If If I do not run, I will wear (or bring) the running clothes on each day until I do the assigned training, and then the schedule will resume from that day.  I am doing this because:

1. My main reason for continuing is that I want to move forward with my running/jogging plan.  I made some progress last week of running 2 minutes, walking2 minutes, repeating that seven times, but I want to finish that week within a timely period and move on to running 2 minutes and walking 1 minute (times 10).  The ultimate goal is to be able to run/jog for 30 minutes.  I want to run a marathon at the end of this year or January of next.  (I have always wanted to run the Honolulu Marathon; I don't even know if this is something I can do, but I want to do it.)  I have year after year pledging to do a second marathon and have not, b/c I did not make headway on my running plan.
2. I feel that running or exercise will force me to own up to other commitments in my life, because challenges in the running sphere force me to have other commitments in my life met so that I can exercise unimpeded and feel good that my investment in myself is going somewhere.
3. I want to feel good about myself when I go outside, and
4. I don't trust myself to exercise at the end of the day or at some point before midnight unless I make the commitment here to do it.  
5. Being accountable to others by making a commitment here, helps me to be accountable to myself.
6. The objective is to stick to the running plan by doing at least one training unit per day of the 28-week running plan I came up with, which is a slower version of the eight-week Rodale run/walk plan.  
7. practicicing being on time with this commitment, will assist me in being on time in other areas.
8. It will also help me to practice willpower for other activities that require energy.
9. Exercise helps me to feel comfortable in what I am doing, b/c I am not constantly fidgeting at my desk or feeling like I SHOULD be running/swimming/walking or getting out in the sun or that I SHOULD have done those things last night.
10. Exericse helps me to avoid feelings of not  being adequate, because I have confidence in myself as a person interacting with others.
11. I want to build trust in myself by committing to something small that positively affects my whole life.  Since I'm making a promise here to do it, that's going to help me to keep my promise to myself so that I have faith in myself that at some point during the day I will exericse, instead of feeling like crap because I don't even trust myself to get to the gym or go on a walk.
12. Exercise makes everything tighter, which makes me feel more comfortable with myself and helps me to be able to live with myself.
13. I want to be able to wear the clothes in my closet, and throw out the ones that are not useful to me.

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Thus far , I've walked fourteen minutes today. I ran 1 minute, walked 2 minutes X 10.  Biked 4 minutes forward and one minute back.

Show up(done),exer,plan

Have a beautiful day.

I like that quote. Light out of darkness. That's what God is according to the Bible.

Abstinence from unplanned time.

• The one thing, the only thing, i can do impulsively is write something on my todo list.
• The one thing, the only thing, i can do off plan is recovery, something to maintain my sobriety, when tempted. I have come to believe that it is more important to maintain sobriety than to get things done.

Abstinence from relying on self. AA Big Book says to rely on God. Quoted in my bookmarks : scroll down to "AA Big Book on fears : relying on God not self-reliance:"

:) ci
:) start Instant Boss
:) v task
:) time log
:) quiet time
:) r task
:) s task
:) t task
:-( 11am pa phone mtg
:) sort tasks
:) *capture all * tasks here
:) j task
prj task, skip
:) ***call pbill re comun
:) pud ck chkdsk g:
:) break: bookmark quote
:) *30hf joe
* uninst solid something from gina
pud disk - new one
pud av i

bku lt
*lyr & rev song

sun:
pool

mon:
*kal
* busi form added 5/14/2013
*rent van
*h wrk - recommendation - continue
*client bos - recom
break: iphone apps
*pud raid
pud av i
* renew mbbc
pud disk - rtn
pud disk install - bill4 when done
*nativ
*tx
pu wrk - iDev
bill client ku wed
kuf wrk - recontact
later: g wrk
later: ht task
put away clothes
reflection
pre-plan tmrw

11:39 am :
It's been 0days 08hrs 17min since i last got distracted (1hr 2min, 2:20-3:22am 5/17 qtweb2, news).
It's been 0days 08hrs 17min since i last went on an off-plan bender >15min (1hr 2min, 2:20-3:22am 5/17 qtweb2, news; abs his: 4days,3min old,new)
It's been 0days 09hrs 22min since i last went on an off-plan bender >1hr (2hrs 1min, 12:16-2:17am 5/17 qtweb; abs his: 13,1,1,5 old-new)
It's been 0days 09hrs 22min since i last went on an off-plan bender >2hrs (2hrs 1min, 12:16-2:17am 5/17 qtweb; abs his: 5,14,8 )
It's been 08days 08hrs 55min since i last went on an off-plan bender >3hrs (3hrs 14min, 11:30pm-02:44am 5/8-9 raid work binge, abs his: 25,14).
It's been 52 days since i last went on an off-plan bender >4hrs (6hrs on 3/25).
It's been >52 days since i last went on an off-plan bender >6hrs (6hrs on 3/25).
It's been 188 days since i last went on an off-plan bender >1day
It's been ~288 days since i last went on an off-plan bender >1week
It's been 28days 16hrs 44min since i last relied on self. (abs his: 14)

12:28pm : Reflections on Day Counts : pride goes before a fall
Past couple days as my day counts were going up and i was tempted to feel selfish pride about them, God led me to instead credit him, God, for those accomplishments. Now, when i am processing a failure last night, i do not experience my normal crisis of self-worth. I am not experiencing any crisis of self-worth. Just a failure. I think that's because i never latched onto the success of my day counts as a basis for my self worth. I credited God instead. So when that success is suddenly this morning missing, it's ok. They never were my foundation.

Instead i have made God my foundation. He is the Rock. The Rock never moves. And God doesnt change. He is faithful!

THINGS I COULD HAVE DONE BETTER

THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR (everything i "did well" comes from god, either thru gifts he's given me or the way he's transformed me)