the week is over finally, I'm alone at home and I have plenty of time to work on my stuff.
I failed to do what I wanted to do for tonight...
I was able to start but one minute later I got a phone call and it was all I needed to get me off the track.
So now I'm wondering how to deal with my failures, shoud I try to forget them, or should I put them in my face. The later solution makes me believe it's not a very good thing for my self esteem...But the with the former it's like saying everything is ok, which is wrong.
Anyone has some advice?
I am growing in this area myself - I got some advice not too long ago to not be so hard on myself because I was writing on myCI - "things I avoided yesterday" - I didnt even realize how hard I was being on myself, such a habit! And while there is value in recognizing our failures and weaknesses, we have to be gentle with ourselves too.
I have come to look at it as baby steps - we are like children in many ways learning to walk and live again. Would we ever say to a child taking their first steps, "Get up from the floor, you failed!" No! We would hold their hand and say, "Wow! That was so great, you took a step, now just keep going, it's ok, you can do it - you're learning - just try again, I will hold your hand, you will get it!"
We must do the same for ourselves - you took a step, it didn't end as hoped, you stumbled, but thats just what we must do, we all stumble when we learn to walk! I bet you are like me and can remember times when you didn't take steps - it's ok to celebrate your victory - its not a failure it is a step toward success.
We have to change the way we think of ourselves and how we think of our recovery. I have so long thought in a shame- based way, that it takes using examples like above to realize the way I speak to myself and think of myself and that I would NEVER treat another that way. Being aware of that helps me to be more gentle and change a little at a time - with plenty of friendly reminders to help me!
You may have seen clements quote posted around, "if i feel guilty about my procrastination, i will get LESS done, if i dont feel guilty, i will get MORE done."
It is hard I know, but treat yourself like a child, the more they stumble the more we reach out to them in love and support.... reach out here, there is lots of support, put your instincts toward being aware and wanting to face reality in a positive context - think of what happened, not to condemn, but to learn how to do better next time read and learn and grow and strengthen yourself so you have better skills and awareness for each next step and next stumble.
I step and fall all day,we all do - you are not alone - and I know others would join me in telling you it is a cause for celebration that you posted again after a failure - that is another step made! A great step! Failing, falling is a natural part of learning so I say celebrate it!
“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.” Albert Einstein
PS Realize what I write is as much for me as others! :-) Came back today to remind myself to speak to my heart like my daughters today!
For SB: study 3o mins tonight and 3 hours tomoorw divided 2 ways
tonight : serve
Chk in Sta night
Studied about 2.5 hrs.
Today will be a lost day in terms of productivity. As well, I am really really bitchy. Don't come close, chances are I will find something ... amiss, and let you know about it!!
Tomorrow we are going to see monsters and aliens, the kids are very excited about that. Not so much, me. Don't know why, probably just the mood I'm in. Just looked to the right and saw someone posted 'Earth Hour'. I want to shut everything off for an hour tomorrow, not just the lights. Hubby doesn't see the sense in that, doesn't see how that will make a difference. I try explaining that I would like to experience a perfectly quiet hour by candle light, reading with the kids. Playing hide and seek with the kids. Well, I will be turning things off and if he goes around turning things on, then an argument will ensue...but I don't think he will. silly man.
Anyway enough of this. I must go and watch tv, and find some chocolate. Oh, that's why I am moody, of course. that day 2 weeks from and to. Ah.
Nothing is worth more than this day - Goethe
Starting anew...I've been mind-fogging since I got off the plane last night, surfing the net at home this morning, pretending I don't have a major paper, major report, and therapy appointment crashing in a perfect storm this afternoon - not to mentnion no way to legit'ly make up the squandered hours that should have been billable...sigh...
I have been procrastinating food prep, very dangerous for my in another recovery. So that is the next right thing to do. I want to set the timer and check back here at 2:10. I cannot with any hope of success achieve this on my own, and so I pause to pray for my Higher Power's help now...Amen.
back at desk but still eating lunch. MITs and MUTs:
Then these items need to be complete by Monday:
This morning I tried to check in but couldn't post for some reason. I haven't done too badly, but have only worked about 75% of the time this morning. I commit to working on my report for the next hour, until my lunch at 11:20 AM.
The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing --Steven Covey
Good morning! Crunch/crisis time is over at work so today I need to be vigilant about keeping myself on task without outside pressure. I will plan my work and work my plan and get out of here early today!
Headed for the coffeepot, then I'll see you in the chatbox. I'm a bit late this morning but so is everyone else, the weather and traffic both suck :)
There is a proper balance between not asking enough of oneself and asking or expecting too much. - May Sarton
went out for a nice lunch while the pc repair people took my new laptop for a minor repair. I'm back, the pc is back, but I have been goofing off for the past 30 minutes. I'm really feeling tired this afternoon, and I want to leave early, but wasting time is not going to get me out of this place any earlier
I will take care of Task J, then call P., then see y'all in the chatbox until 5 pm at which time I WILL LEAVE THE OFFICE. I will. I mean it.
had a major setback in another 12 Step programme that i am attending. that has scared me. realize that i tend to procrastinate on my recovery"
was able to go to the gym today. glad i got up at 5 am. if i dont get up early i never hit the gym!
letter to Andrew, complete assignment
read atleast one can. studies book.
Sponsor and I discussed just this very thing today, how procrastination is the root of my repeated failure to maintain surrender on another addiction. That particular recovery requires repetitive daily actions that are fairly simple when home, but hard when I travel. And I don't do hard. I hate facing stuff that's hard, real or imagined. I hate that life is hard. It just sucks, that's all there is to it. And in the face of anything hard, I procrastinate. Like you, that's like my core addiction.
So, on to Step 4 with my attitudes, resentments, and fears about how damn hard everything is/seems, including the daily actions of recovery in ALL my programs...grr. Why can't I just be ONE thing? Why do I have to be so complicated?
'k, enuff bitchin. Sorry, and thanks for caring/sharing.
I can begin a new 24 hours anytime, and I am off to re-start this one with a late check-in (will I ever learn), admitting my powerlessness over compulsive procrastination, believing that just for today Someone can be more Powerful than all my mess, and choosing - just for today - to let Him.
Wow, I am tired today. I am going to need a nap, but I don't want to sleep the morning away. Just usual stuff to accomplish today, as well as painting bits of bedroom walls with new paint colour. I didn't like the previous two, this new is the same one of the first but many shades lighter. I hope it looks good on the wall! And that hubby likes it, of course!
Off for my nap will check in in abit :)
Wisconsin weather has been a little icky as of late...making it kind of hard to get up in the mornings. But I'm up.
To Do: Shower, pack school bag, leave home by 7:40.
Client cancelled meeting today, rescheduled for Wednesday. This is totally fine with me, since I procrastinated and didn't have all my work done anyways. Now I WILL use the next few days to complete all required tasks.
Today, Lord, I am thankful for all the second chances that you give me. Please help me to use them wisely!
Just checking back to say that class went well.
Also wanted to let everyone know about Earth Hour tomorrow.
last but not least: try to feel better about myself
"if i feel guilty about my procrastination, i will get LESS done, if i dont feel guilty, i will get MORE done." - Clement
Hi pro buddies,
Here's what I need to do at work today:
That should be enough to keep me out of trouble.
I didn't do too bad today. Did the hardest part of the credenza project. . . admitting to my boss that I hadn't done it yet! She actually didn't mind; she knows I've been working hard on a lot of other stuff. Now I just have to finish the darn thing.
Couldn't meet w/ B because he was out, but I met with M. & ran ideas by A. and they were very well received. Called the clinic and made an appointment for the follow-up ultrasound & mammogram. Didn't do the weekly review or the notecards (though at least I looked at the notecards. Something to tackle for next week.)
I've got a lot of stuff to do tonight, though it's Friday & I'm tired & want to just curl up with a good book & then go to sleep. I'm actually afraid if I write it all out here I'll feel overwhelmed, so I'm going to go over to the chatroom and just think about one thing at a time.
Word and prayer for the day: Psalm 138:3, Proverbs 16:9, Psalm 37:23
“In the day when I cried out, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul.”A man's mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure. (We plan the way we want to live, but only God makes us able to live it.)The steps of a [good] man are directed and established by the Lord when He delights in his way [and He busies Himself with his every step].
Help me God to seek you in every step, for you make me able to do what on my own I cannot.
Soundtrack of my day: tba... Mercy Me, You are there & a God-send friend suggestion
rush of fools, undo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iN_DMuahD5o
Lyrics: "i need you, need your face, i can't do this myself, you're the only one, that can undo what i've become.... (Make every step lead me back to You, your sovereign way)
My to do list:
dd school by 8.30a
call job3 revisions?
ink/fix printerjob2 print ret addressx15/label
These next 2 are HARD for me -baby steps, one step at a time, I will get them done
job2 order summary, decide on ONE more design option
job1 &2 supply cost list (working)
dd school 2:30p
ck mail/post office
Clear email/inbox for day
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