Monday 17th March 2014

Well, I made it to uni, before my class, but still went to class late... naughty me...wanted breakfast :)

Now it's time to play catch-up:

1. research subject area for next Monday's presentation

2. read, take notes, ask myself some helpful questions about the basic thrust of the presentation: advocating or arguing against, for instance?

3. identify a case study (or two, for comparison) that helps to demonstrate the facts, evidence, argument...

4. have a rest!!!!! Cogitate over some lunch...

5. Structure my argument, start filling out the A4 handout that is to accompnay my presentation.

6. Very important!!! Forgot, I should really put this at no 1.: the required reading for the week which is super relevant to my presentation!!! Mustn't forget to review it before I start anything (more or less...)

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I have other things on my mind as well today, I'm behind with quite a lot of work already, so I'll see how far I get today with the presentation (urgent) and then maybe switch over to one of the other urgent assignments that needs to be given in this weekend.

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To the chat-room now for bursting solidarity :)

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It's an inside job...

Bad morning, woke up in depression again.

Forced myself out to get some pumpkin treats at Trader's. 

Last night started reading a great book, which helped me feel better too. 

As for tasks ... 

-Pray, read scripture

-Read another 36 pages of good book

-Floor exercises ... need guidance from God on this

-Apply to the 4 jobs I already found

-Start reviewing CS so I can start doing the work

I don't think I can do more than that today. 

(Things I'm still avoiding: 

Making doctors appointments

Calling UE person back)

I want to thank my Higher Power for this program, this website, and my life.

Things I will do today

1. Go to the 6 a.m. telephone ACA meeting

2. Go to the 6:45 a.m. telephone OA meeting

3. Go to the 7 a.m. telephone DA meeting

4. Test blood sugar

5. Cook and eat breakfast

6. Go to the 8:30 a.m. telephone UA meeting

7. Take shower

8. Get dressed

9. Go to the job fair

10. Go to the library and print out format

11. Eat lunch

12. Go to the store

13. Go to group therapy at 1 p.m.

14. Go to the 3 p.m. telephone CLA meeting

15. Write Thank You letters

16. Clear up tables

17. Cook and eat dinner

18. Go to the 7:30 p.m. telephone DA-HOW meeting

19. Go to the 8:30 p.m. telephone CLA meeting

20. Test blood sugar

21. Wash dishes

22. Do my 11th Step inventory for OA

23. Write list for tomorrow

24. Put insullin in me

Thanks for letting me share

Maintenance tasks, do what works for me, think good thoughts someone said “all action is born in thought, life  is reflection of thinking”“Life is a process--just one thing after another. When you lose it, just start again.”― R. Carlson

THURS- YES, I AM CODE ORANGE TODAY., NEED TO DO WHAT WORKS. THANKS PA(ERS)

"findings suggest that, somewhat paradoxically, taking an accepting approach to personal failure may
make people more motivated to improve themselves." Breines and Chen

Good progress from a  qualitative abstract point of view.

I want to thank my Higher Power for this program, this website, and my life.

Things I have done today

1. Went to the 6 a.m. telephone ACA meeting

2. Scanned computer

3. Tested blood sugar

Things I will do today

1. Go to the 6:45 a.m. telephone OA meeting

2. Go to the 7 a.m. telephone DA meeting

3. Cook and eat breakfast

4. Take shower

5. Get dressed

6. Go to the job fair

7. Go to the 3 p.m. telephone DA meeting

6. Get mail

7. Read ACA material and write experience

8. Cook and eat dinner

9. Go to the 8 p.m. telephone ACA meeting

10. Go to the 9 p.m. online EA meeting

11. Test blood sugar

12. Wash dishes

13. Do my 11th Step inventory for OA

14. Write list for tomorrow

15. Put insullin in me

Thanks for letting me share

EOD UPDATE: ✔✔✔

✔Took ALL DAY to find 4 jobs ... will have to actually apply tomorrow. Found them on 1 job site. 

✔Wrote down lists of job sites to search in different categories. 

✔Picked up library book. 

✔Took several breaks outside. 

✔Called 2 people. 

Conclusion: It takes far longer than I could ever imagine to do this. I will have to get up much earlier, and I will have to take more breaks, and MUST EXERCISE so I don't get fat sitting all day!

____

Not feeling good this morning. Very anxious. Lately in my sleep getting "info downloads" from HP and it's great but can be unsettling too. I'm learning why I have this problem of procrastination/avoidance ... and it always comes down to something not pleasant.

HP told me it has resulted in "Reverse Motivation Syndrome" ... hmm ... will have to look into this. I did a search and saw "amotivational" ... I want to see if this is similar to the idea that my "wires are crossed" in certain areas like job search (good is bad and bad is good, hence avoiding doing things that would further my life). 

Anyway, it's 10:30. Need to start days preferably by 10 the latest this week.

Trying to have some structure but without too much rigidity. 30 minute bursts for each task. Not planning too much but "going with the flow" from one burst to another hopefully. 

MAIN GOAL:  3 jobs applied to each day. All tasks in between must specifically lead to those 3 job apps. Plus 2 hours daily broken up however needed to do main secondary task of making doctor appts, along with any other errands.

THIS WEEK:

• Call back UI person (scared to do this ... wasn't expecting a call from them this morning .. Monday of all days! ugh)

• explore/read info on specific job specialty that I want through a professional association
• see if there are remote jobs listed with prof. org site
• start compiling list of local companies for on-site jobs
• do quick search of generic job sites to see if anything
• start job app for anything I find 
• review CS guide & check for current assignment guides
• floor exercises for 1/2 hour
• some laundry
• prayer w/reading
• bible study & journal
• Call dental ins. to sort out both accounts; call M to confirm next check due
• Search on dental network for local dentist and perio
• Search on health ins. site for doctors I want to see
• Get contact info for doctors I intend to call this week, then call if can
• Review doctor websites for info & write questions
• Go to 4 stores for stuff to buy; apply FS?
• Print meal plan recipes
• Apply jobs
• Start working CS
• All other personal maintenance: walk, exercises, prayer/bible, etc. 

I want to thank my Higher Power for this program, this website, and my life

Things I will do today

1. Go to the 5:45 a.m. telephone ACA meeting

2. Go to the 6:45 a.m. telephone OA meeting

3. Go to the 7 a.m. telephone DA meeting

4. Test blood sugar

5. Cook and eat breakfast

6. Go to the 9:45 a.m. telephone CLA session

7. Go to the 12 noon telephone ACA meeting

8. Go to the 1 p.m. telephone CLA session

9. Go to the 3 p.m. telephone UA meeting

10. Call my worker at Vocational Rehabilitation

11. Go to Voc Rehab and get some copies of resumes

12. Warm up and eat dinner

13. Go to the 8 p.m. telephone CLA meeting

14. Go to the 9 p.m. online EA meeting

15. Test blood sugar

16. Wash dishes

17. Do my 11th Step inventory for OA

18. Type list for tomorrow

19. Put insullin in me

Thanks for letting me share

.

Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhh. I can't believe I've not checked in for so long and have a hideous deadline looming over me (tomorrow? Tomorrow morning??!?!?!?!!! But no, actually I have to get it done tonight, I have to!) and even now, instead of just bloody breathing, and working through things methodically, I'm crazily procrastinating with more research, more hesitation, more navel-gazing...

And now I'm here I want to read everyone's posts, hang out in the chat room, think of some other excuse to not get this work DONE!!!

Pray.

And breathe.

And relax, it isn't like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute!!! Not certain death!!!!!!

Give myself the next forty minutes, till the hour, to create a structure for my presentation, maybe a powerpoint? Quickly check for further info/instructions on the topic. Come back and update. Use timer, use chatroom.

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It's an inside job...

ONSCREEN: 

CI  

Email: E  
B  

Read a bit of ebook 

Post on dog group 

Email or call re garage

Ask re house blessing 

Disaster planning    

OFFSCREEN

X for Sensei 

Beans & seeds   

1 page garden  

Finish bracelet  FINALLY!!

Sun salutations 

1 pomo housework  

Shiva Nata with DVD / KRM 

Vox M  

TYIAH PM 

Open post  

Put water in glass bottles      

IGUANA DU JOUR:

Set up fiverr shop  < not exactly what I planned to do with the shop today bc I changed my mind, but I'm happy

OPTIONAL:

Start internet course  

Listen JRD replay

Listen Christie replay 

Research EHA/DHA 

V interview 2

Planning session 

--
The ’3Ts’ aka ’Timed Task Tomorrow’ method - 3 questions before doing something online:
Is it Timed (set a timer)? Is it a Task? If it's a sudden impulse, can I act on it Tomorrow?

.

I want to thank my Higher Power for this program, this website, and my life.

Things I have done today

1. Went to the 6 a.m. telephone ACA meeeting

2. Went to the 6:45 a.m. telephone OA meeting

3. Went to the 7 a.m. telephone DA meeting

4. Got dressed

5. Tested my blood sugar

6. Went to group therapy at 9 a.m.

7. Ate brunch

8. Went to group therapy at 10:45 a.m.

9. Went to the doctor at 1 p.m.

10. Went to the bus station and got a monthly pass

11. Went to the store and got groceries

12. Put groceries away

13. Went to the 5 p.m. telephone OA meeting

Things I will do today

1. Do numbers

2. Cook and eat dinner

3. Watch The Amazing Race

4. Go to the 8 p.m. telephone CLA meeting

5. Go to the 8 p.m. online EA meeting

6. Go to the 10 p.m. telephone DA meeting

7. Test blood sugar

8. Do my 11th Step inventory for OA

9. Wash dishes

10. Write list for tomorrow

11. Do numbers

12. Put insullin in me

Thanks for letting me share

UPDATE: 

DONE! MORE THAN I THOUGHT ... ✔✔✔ 

(next time will try to work on the main priority tasks related to income, but these were still important and got me going at least as prep for health)

1. ✔ Called dental ins ... logged in online to view accounts, sent questions to C.S.
2. ✔Registered online medical ins ... bookmarked all relevant sites, copied info to ask re: payments, sent questions to C.S. ... reviewed all paper mail for info ... downloaded benefits booklet
3. ✔Attempted UE app online yet again, and called to get help
4. ✔Logged in for FS app, saw info
5. ✔Sorted through clutter around house to get current so it doesn't get out of hand
6. ✔Got wholesale info
7. ✔Started organizing inventory

EARLIER TODAY:

Okay, 3 days went by and I didn't check in. I have been in a deep time-drunk binge the past 2 weeks. I'm trying to get out of it.

I've been spending money and realizing it will go fast if I don't rein myself in and get this job search moving. I've been unemployed for 37 days. That's more than a month and I was supposed to be working by now! 

I gave myself a month vacation, but now we're into the SECOND MONTH. I do not want to blow this! It's not too late.

God I need your help. I am ready to turn this ship around RIGHT NOW. Lord please help me put my time into EARNING MONEY instead of spending it. 

Little by Little by Little by Little (thanks Katia) by Little by Little leads to A LOT. 

I am praying today that I can get present enough with just one right task and then the next so that my focus helps me build work opportunities. 

Lord, please also help me simplify making doctor's appointments. It's just a phone call ... would like to make an appt ... what days/times do you have available ... give insurance info ... how much costs ... give my name/contact info ... set appt. for mid-week like a Wednesday in late afternoon like 3-3:30 ... Trust that I will be able to pay for it, voila. All done. Not so hard, not so bad. 

1 Cor. 10:13 "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he
will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the
temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able
to endure it."

Amen, RisingUp

I want to thank my Higher Power for this program, this website, and my life.

Things I have done today

1. Went to the 6 a.m. telephone ACA meeting

2. Went to the 6:45 a.m. telephone OA meeting

3. Went to the 7 a.m. telephone DA meeting

4. Fixed and ate breakfast

5. Went to group therapy at 9 a.m.

Things I will do today

1. Eat lunch

2. Go to Spanish class at 12:30 p.m.

3. Go to group therapy at 1 p.m.

4. Go to the bus station and get my monthly pass

5. Take shower

6. Get dressed

7. Go to a job interview at 5 p.m.

8. Cook and eat dinner 

9. Go to the 6:45 p.m. telephone OA meeting

10. Go to the 8 p.m. telephone CLA meeting

11. Go to the 9 p.m. online EA meeting

12. Do my 11th Step inventory for OA

13. Wash dishes

14. Write list for tomorrow

15. Put insullin in me

Thanks for letting me share

I'm getting 'Chosen nickname is not allowed'. 

--
The ’3Ts’ aka ’Timed Task Tomorrow’ method - 3 questions before doing something online:
Is it Timed (set a timer)? Is it a Task? If it's a sudden impulse, can I act on it Tomorrow?

I want to thank my Higher Power for this program, this website, and my life.

Things I will do today

1. Go to the 6 a.m. telephone ACA meeting

2. Go to the 6:45 a.m. telephone OA meeting

3. Go to the 7 a.m. telephone DA meeting

4. Test blood sugar

5. Cook and eat breakfast

6. Go to the 8:30 a.m. UA meeting

7. Go to the 9 a.m. telephone ACA meeting

8. Go to group therapy at 10:45 a.m.

9. Eat lunch

10. Go to group therapy at 1 p.m.

11. Go to the 3 p.m. telephone CLA meeting

12. Get mail

13. Take shower

14. Do my ACA work

15.Eat dinner

16. Go to the 6:45 p.m. telephone OA meeting

17. Go to the 7:30 p.m. telephone DA-HOW meeting

18. Go to the 8 p.m. telephone CLA meeting

19. Go to the 9 p.m. online EA meeting

20. Go to the 9:30 p.m. telephone CLA meeting

21. Test blood sugar

22. Wash dishes

23. Do my 11th Step inventory for OA

24. Write my list for tomorrow

25. Put insullin in me

Thanks for letting me share

Back to work tmr - actually got a lot of things done and made a BIG decision - NOT to buy but to rent again. I've got 6 weeks to find somewhere to live and pack all my stuff. I feel at peace, knowing that I will have not enslaved myself to a risky investment. All in vestments have risk but I'll be moving on in a few years and thinking of taking more time to travel so if I had and expensive loan it would stop me from doing that. I'd be better off saving more and buying near my family where I'm more likely to end up in 10-15years.

So, got rid of a bag of clothes, 4 pairs of shoes and a bag of clothes to send to my sister.

Aims today

Not to wallow around trawling real estate websites!

Go grocery shopping

bake cheesecake for dinner tonight

Drop off dry cl3aning

Buy shirt

 Get rid of notes.

Bag of textbooks and notes for work.

Nap.

Go out to friends for dinner.

Solidarity!! 

 Day 2 of PA check-ins ...

I had a really nice schedule I made up for myself last night, but because I went to bed a few hours too late I had to wake up late and it's all thrown off. Gee, what a surprise. But I stayed up late to do something positive for my health so that's a plus. 

So it's now noon and I'm feeling in a daze again. I'm ready to go at my computer, started some laundry that was overdue, already had breakfast/water/supplements. 

Because I don't feel too good I don't know how much I will get done today, so I'm just checking in to say "I'm here" ... 

1. Finish laundry

2. Apply UE/FS

3. Pray/Read Bible one chapter

That's enough for now. 

(will edit this post to mark off tasks when done, so please post separately if replying, thanks!)

I want to thank my Higher Power for this program, this website, and my life.

Things I will do today

1. Go to the 6 a.m. telephone ACA meeting

2. Go to the 6:45 a.m. telephone OA meeting

3. Go to the 7 a.m. telephone DA meeting

4. Test blood sugar

5. Fix and eat breakfast

6. Go to group therapy at 9 a.m.

7. Go to individual therapy at 10:15 a.m.

8. Eat lunch

9. Go to the 1:30 p.m. telephone UA meeting

10. Go to the 3 p.m. telephone DA meeting

11. Get mail

12. Read ACA literature and write what it means to me.

13. Cook and eat dinner

14. Go to the 6:45 p.m. telephone OA meeting

15. Go to the 8 p.m. telephone ACA meeting

16. Go to the 9 p.m. online EA meeting

17. Test blood sugar

18. Wash dishes

19. Do 11th Step invenrtory for OA

20. Write list for tomorrow

21. Put insullin in me

Thanks for letting me share

Hi, I'm back. My job that lasted for almost a year and a half ended last month, and I have been in an absolute daze without the structure I got used to. My deepest fear is I will end up homeless again. I cannot let that happen after all I've been through!!! I have money saved up but it goes quickly. I honestly needed a month off to recover from years of stress but now I've got to find another income and I am just totally TIME DRUNK. 

I have NO idea how long it actually takes to do a task. When I sit down to do one to further my job search efforts, hours go by. I am LOST!

I thought I'd be changed from this behavior after the nightmare I went through with the eviction, etc. 2 years ago, only to find myself unemployed again (no regrets though, the job was terrible for me and it was absolutely time to leave anyway). 

I need to say Step 1 right now: We admitted that we were powerless over our time-drunk, procrastinating, avoiding behavior, and that our lives had become unmanageable!

Areas of Unmanageability I need to hand over to the care of God right now: 

1. Career change/job search

2. Health maintenance/doctor appointments

I am engaging in perfectionistic behaviors of constant "To Do List Reworking" and "Time Drunkenness" ... taking too long to do one thing because I'm trying to do everything at once and getting little done. 

Lord, help me today please to manage my time and tasks. 

Thank you, Amen. RisingUp