Monday 17th March 2014

See each moment as a new day.

Got home, had healthy dinner

Plan:

Finish letters until 630 -

Go for run & whoever until 730

prepare journal club
-PROCRASTINATING BIG TIME

930 listen to pharm lecture

Listen to podcast

Bed 1030 

I want to thank my Higher Power for this program, this website, the telephone meeting, and my life.

Things I will do today

1. Go to the 5:45 a.m. telephone ACA meeting

2. Go to the 6:45 a.m. telephone OA meeting

3. Go to the 7 a.m. telephone DA meeting

4. Test blood sugar

5. Go to the 8:30 a.m. telephone UA meeting

6. Go to the 9 a.m. telephone ACA meeting

7. Go to the 9:45 a.m. telephone CLA activity line

8. Go to the 10 a.m. telephone UA meeting

9. Go to the 11 a.m. telephone PA meeting

10. Prayer and meditation morning and evening

11. Go to the 12 noon telephone ACA meeting

12. Go to the 1 p.m. telephone CLA activity line

13. Go to the 1:45 p.m. telephone UA meeting

14. Go to the 3 p.m. telephone DA meeting

15. Do housecleaning for an hour

16. Warm up and eat dinner

17. Go to the 6 p.m. telephone OA meeting

18. Do some ACA work

19. Go to the 8:30 p.m. telephone ACA meeting

20. Go to the 9 p.m. online EA meeting

21. Test blood sugar

22. Get mail

23. Call friend to wish her Happy Birthday

24. Call mom

Thanks for letting me share

I struggle MIGHTILY with fear of failure. It is my Goliath.

This article was so helpful to me i had to share it in case it could help someone else.

From: http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/21-inspirational-quotes-help-crush-fear...

21 Inspirational Quotes to Help You Crush Your Fear of Failure

1) “I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.” - Michael Jordan

2) “Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark; professionals built the Titanic.” - Anonymous

3) “Don’t be afraid to fail. Don’t waste energy tryingto cover up failure. Learn from your failures and go on to the next challenge. It’s OK to fail. If you’re not failing, you’re not growing.” - H. Stanley Judd

4) “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible: the fear of failure.” - Paulo Coelho

5) “I’m intimidated by the fear of being average.” - Taylor Swift

6) “You’ll always miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” - Wayne Gretzky

7) “Forget about the consequences of failure. Failure is only a temporary change in direction to set you straight for your next success.” - Denis Waitley

8 ) “I really don’t think life is about the I-could-have-beens. Life is only about the I-tried-to-do. I don’t mind the failure but I can’t imagine that I’d forgive myself if I didn’t try.” - Nikki Giovanni

9) “Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up” - Thomas Edision

10) “Remember that failure is an event, not a person” - Zig Ziglar

11) “I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.” - George Burns

12) “It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.” - Theodore Roosevelt

13) “There is no failure except in no longer trying.” - Elbert Hubbard

14) “If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative” - Woody Allen

15) “Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” - Denis Waitley

16) “There is no such thing as failure. There are only results” - Tony Robbins

17) “Success is not built on success. It’s built on failure It’s built on frustration. Sometimes it’s built on catastrophe.” - Sumner Redstone

18) “One who fears failure limits his activities. Failure is only the opportunity to more intelligently begin again.” - Henry Ford

19) “Most people have attained their greatest success just one step beyond their greatest failure.” - Napoleon Hill

20) “The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually be afraid you will make one.” - Elbert Hubbard

21) “Failure is success if we learn from it.” - Malcolm Forbes

Its been awhile - and I'm the one who suffers, so thanks for welcoming me back into the fold.

The last 'few weeks' (really months) have flown by full of lots of life events both inane, productive, emotional and exhausting, mostly friends with some bad news - in one week I had a death, birth, divorce and marriage amongst my close circle of friends! Then smack onto nights and now second week into a new, completely different role at work which brings its own stresses (and directly contributes to my emotional eating of icecream!) - a red flag for how much I've missed your fellowship...

Study: has been sporadic - 94days to go.

Time to get serious again: daily posts, do something daily. Past papers. Past papers. Past papers.

present journal paper wednesday 

Important/Urgent jobs:

End of term assessment

Next term assessment set up

Put boxesinto shed (only 2months after unpacking!!0

PAYROLL SAGA - faxedoff form again- this time promising reply

New phone before ancient one chucks its last tantrum
New licence and rego

Ring panel beater

Ring insurer

Post office

Transfer money 

Payroll issues  -  

.

I want to thank my Higher Power for this program, this website, and my life.

Things I have done today

1. Went to the 7 a.m. telephone DA business meeting

2. Went to the 8:15 a.m. telephone OA meeting

3. Went to the 9 a.m. telephone DA meeting

4. Cooked and ate breakfast

5. Went to the 11 a.m. telephone Al-Anon meeting

6. Wrote three questions for tonight's meeting

Things I will do today

7. Get my spreadsheets caught up

8. Skin chickens

9. Cook dinner

10. Clean my apartment for an hour

11. Watch the basketball game

12. Eat dinner

13. Go to the 6:45 p.m. telephone OA meeting

14. Go to the 7 p.m. online EA meeting

15. Go to the 8 p.m. telephone CLA meeting

16. Go to the 9 p.m. telephone PA meeting

Thanks for letting me share

.

Woke up at 7.30, wrote morning pages and arrived at the conclusion that I am a mule, on a narrow mountain path, who has dug its heels in. No amount of pushing, beating or coaxing will get this mule to move!!! Except for, it seemed, the lure of another mule further up the mountain, one who's made the journey, and is sensationally attractive... hmmm. At the time it seemed to help!!!

Anyway, I have to write this essay/get a draft written. I could have started it on Friday, but seemed to get nowhere despite being at a 'writing retreat'. It was very frustrating. Then yesterday, I went to the library, and didn't even attempt to work on any writing, just found yet more books to get notes/material from. Today is the day I have to actually knuckle down. And I can do it. I just wish there was some super sexy beast waiting for me on the other side, but there really isn't :(. There's just slog slog slog frustration and despair and weariness and then... wow that's so negative!!! I really need to just do a bit at a time, a half an hour at a time, and I'll get up that mountain and then I'll see where I am.

So. Am tempted to read one more chapter of research to prime my brain. I will set the timer and count it as work.

I'd better get started!!! Using the chat room to book-end and focus. 

___________________________________________________________________________
It's an inside job...

5/9 

This week was so long, more storms at work, fed up with job and mgmt so why have I not tried harder to get another job? I'm afraid my bad credit will interfere but not all jobs judge that. I always have excuses, too tired, blah blah... I think I feel safer in mediocrity and misery. That is sad. I'm so sick of putting off my whole life! 

Praying today for God to work out my inner conflicts and integrate my work environment, jobs/career, finances and physical health all to my FAVOR. Please Lord encourage me to wait on You and trust in you and have hope in you to restore my life! Amen.

5/10 

At a point of complete stuckness. Can't won't do anything. I admit I'm powerless right now over my procrastination. Just can't face things and am enjoying relaxing in bed watching movies. Maybe I really just need a break. I will get moving again when I'm ready. 

- Add account nr 9998 to project

- Check data in excel-sheet before making a new one

- Do other small tasks 

I want to thank my Higher Power for this program, this website, the telephone meeting, and my life.

Things I will do today

1. Go to the 5:55 a.m. telephone ACA meeting

2. Go to the 6:45 a.m. telephone OA meeting

3. Go to the 7 a.m. telephone DA meeting

4. Test blood sugar

5. Cook and eat breakfast

6. Go to the 8:30 a.m. telephone CLA meeting

7. Go to the 9:45 a.m. telephone UA meeting

8. Go to the 10 a.m. telephone DA meeting

9. Go to the 11 a.m. telephone PA meeting

10. Prayer and meditation morning and evening

11. Go to the 12 noon telephone ACA meeting

12. Go to the 1:30 p.m. telephone UA meeting

13. Cut onions

14. Clean apartment for an hour

15. Go to the 5 p.m. telephone OA meeting

16. Go to the 6 p.m. telephone CLA business meeting

17. Go to the 8 p.m. online EA meeting

Thanks for letting me share

.

.

- Test adding contributers 

- Add accountnumber 9998 to project

- Find error in close db 

Please do not leave advice or feedback.  Thank you.  Prayers welcome. 

I am pausing this endeavor right now, and not making a further commitment at this moment, for personal reasons.  Last time I got through 9 days by May 4th.  

*****************************************************************

I
want to do this, for myself, my health and my ability to function.  I
have made it eight days, and I would like to do another seven days
starting and including today.  I do want to clarify that the thirty
minutes (if it's not a rest day in the running schedule) need to be
completed by midnight of the day so that I can practice meeting a
deadline and prioritizing.   My
commitment is the following:

Either one segment of my run/walk plan or 30 minutes of exercise at least everyday for seven days, comprised of the following

1) a segment of my running plan, if there is one for that day

2) any combination of the following in order to get to 30 minutes:

* walking, running, swimming, dance class, aerobics, sculpting class, yoga, biking

It's an eithe/or thing.  I want to leave the door open for myself to be flexible.

Why am I doing this:

1.  I get headaches, whenever I don't exercise.  I don't know why I
   have a neurological problem, such that exercise is the only thing that
   makes me feel better physically and emotionally.
2. I like to feel lighter on my feet. People are staring at me,
   looking at me all the time wherever I go, and I want to look good at
   work, at school, standing waiting for the bus.
3. I do a lot of standing around, b/c I have to take a bus or go to
   class etc. and I want to have the confidence in myself that I will
   invest in myself by doing exercise that day.
4. I don't want to be the fat person at work or class or in a social setting.
5. Exercise, particularly running, makes me feel more confident and
   comfortable in my body.  It's the only way I gain sanity and mental
   concentration sometimes.
6. I would like to be attractive; I don't want to feel self-conscious whenever someone attractive is staring at me.
7. I have athletic goals.  I have two running programs, one for
   beginning running, and I have another one for running for a straight 30
   minutes.  I want to get through these programs.  I have a goal to one
   day run the Hawaii marathon.  But first I'd like to do a half-marathon
   (preferably the Disney one) just to experience it, b/c I just skipped to
   the marathon.
8. Running helps me to feel motivated in other areas of my life,
   whether I'm sitting in a chair programming or I'm translating Latin.
9. Exercise helps my body to feel tight, and helps me to stop
   obsessing about body dysmorphism issue, as exercise enables me to feel
   that I am headed in a positive direction for my shape.

Thank you to PA member RisingUp for this inspiring image.

Thank you to PA member Vic for this inspiring image

DONE: car issue fixed, rewarded with shopping

Now: confused, depressed, don't want to do much, yet also want to do something. Tired. Proverbs 3:5 comes to mind.