Monday 17th March 2014

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Maint. basics, exer, plan, follow through, use tools that work     good starter jal-

The secret of success is constancy of purpose.--Benjamin Disraeli    

Prayer for Protection

The light of God surrounds us;
The love of God enfolds us;
The power of God protects us;
The presence of God watches over us;
Wherever we are, God is!

andall is well

Please do not leave advice or feedback.  Thank you.  Prayers welcome. 

I am recommitting, b/c I finally recovered, although I still have a bit
of a cough.  I am aiming to do most of my work-outs right now, while the
sun is still out.  Last time I got through 15 days by April 18.   I
want to do this, for myself, my health and my ability to function.  I have made it eight days, and I would like to do another seven days starting and including today.  I do want to clarify that the thirty minutes (if it's not a rest day in the running schedule) need to be completed by midnight of the day so that I can practice meeting a deadline and prioritizing.   My
commitment is the following:

Either one segment of my run/walk plan or 30 minutes of exercise at least everyday for seven days, comprised of the following

1) a segment of my running plan, if there is one for that day

2) any combination of the following in order to get to 30 minutes:

* walking, running, swimming, dance class, aerobics, sculpting class, yoga, biking

It's an eithe/or thing.  I want to leave the door open for myself to be flexible.

Why am I doing this:

1.  I get headaches, whenever I don't exercise.  I don't know why I
   have a neurological problem, such that exercise is the only thing that
   makes me feel better physically and emotionally.
2. I like to feel lighter on my feet. People are staring at me,
   looking at me all the time wherever I go, and I want to look good at
   work, at school, standing waiting for the bus.
3. I do a lot of standing around, b/c I have to take a bus or go to
   class etc. and I want to have the confidence in myself that I will
   invest in myself by doing exercise that day.
4. I don't want to be the fat person at work or class or in a social setting.
5. Exercise, particularly running, makes me feel more confident and
   comfortable in my body.  It's the only way I gain sanity and mental
   concentration sometimes.
6. I would like to be attractive; I don't want to feel self-conscious whenever someone attractive is staring at me.
7. I have athletic goals.  I have two running programs, one for
   beginning running, and I have another one for running for a straight 30
   minutes.  I want to get through these programs.  I have a goal to one
   day run the Hawaii marathon.  But first I'd like to do a half-marathon
   (preferably the Disney one) just to experience it, b/c I just skipped to
   the marathon.
8. Running helps me to feel motivated in other areas of my life,
   whether I'm sitting in a chair programming or I'm translating Latin.
9. Exercise helps my body to feel tight, and helps me to stop
   obsessing about body dysmorphism issue, as exercise enables me to feel
   that I am headed in a positive direction for my shape.

I want to thank my Higher Power for this program, this website, and my life.

Things I have done today

1. Tested blood sugar

2. Cooked and ate breakfast

3. Went to the 8 a.m. telephone OA meeting

Things I will do today

1. Go to the 8:30 a.m. telephone UA meeting

2. Go to the 9:30 a.m. telephone OA meeting

3. Go to the 10 a.m. telephone DA meeting

4. Prayer and meditation morning and evening

5. Take shower

6. Get dressed

7. Go to the 11:15 a.m. telephone DA workshop

8. Do numbers

9. Wash and dry clothes

10. Do housecleaning for an hour

11. Go to the 4 p.m. telephone Al-Anon meeting

12. Cook and eat dinner

13. Go to the 6:45 p.m. telephone OA meeting

14. Go to the 7:30 p.m. face to face NA meeting

15. Go to the home group business meeting after the meeting

Thanks for letting me share

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Okay, yay — made some progress last night.

I gathered all the info I could for the car repair, all prepped out.

Even have phone number entered in my phone, plus a postit on the phone with the number LOL...

There's nothing left to do but call. Another has bugged me repeatedly to just do it. I said the Holy Spirit will have to do it through me! My fear is so paralyzing that I require prayer to do it and it's National Prayer Day today so even better:

God has not given me a spirit of fear but of power and love and a sound mind. I can do all things THROUGH Christ who strengthens me. Not by might, and not by power, but by SPIRIT alone. The Holy Spirit.

So I am *not* doing anything today — God is :)

I rebuke every spirit of fear, every spirit of avoidance, paralysis and procrastination, I bind them and command these demons to leave me now, in Jesus name. Amen! 

"Surrender and Take the Next Right Action"

12:30pm checkin: 

Success! I finally called the car repair place and have appt! :D 

I want to thank my Higher Power for this program, this website, the telephone meeting, and my life.

Things I have done today

1. Went to the 5:55 a.m. telephone ACA meeting

2. Went to the 6:45 a.m. telephone OA meeting

3. Went to the 7 a.m. telephone DA meeting

4. Tested my blood sugar

5. Cooked and ate breakfast

6. Went to the 8:30 a.m. telephone UA meeting

7. Went to the 9:45 a.m. telephone CLA business meeting and activity line

8. Went to the 11 a.m. telephone PA meeting and business meeting

9. Called the pharmacy

10. Went to the pharmacy and paid for my medicine

11. Went to the 3 p.m. telephone CLA meeting and business meeting

Things I will do today

1. Get mail

2. Cook and eat dinner

3. Do housecleaning for an hour

4. Do numbers

5. Go to the 6:45 p.m. telephone OA meeting

6. Go to the 7:30 p.m. telephone CLA activity line

7. Go to the 8:30 p.m. telephone CLA excutive meeting

Thanks for letting me share

Hello all!

Yesterday I was completely focussed at work, largely thanks to immense deadline pressure... don't want to dismiss the fact I was 'on point' though... productivity mark: 95% 

My to-dos for mañana:

• 6am: Morning run
• 10am-6pm: No time-wasting at work




• 7.30pm: Zen Center meditation




• 9.30pm: Home, no TV and 45 minutes on recovery forums

.

So I'd say my focus level at work on Monday was about 70%... still plenty room for improvement...

here's my to-do's for Tuesday:

• 6am - up and gym - missed this, slept it out... 
• 8.30am - online OA group
• 9am-6pm - no time-wasting at work  nailed this one, but largely thanks to all-day deadline pressure..
• 7pm - AA meeting - working late prevented me going
• 9pm - meditation
• 9.45 - 45 minutes to recovery forums

Hope you're all keeping well today...

hugs,
lucas

I want to thank my Higher Power for this program, this website, the telephone meeting, and my life.

Things I have done today

1. Went to the 5:55 a.m. telephone ACA meeting

2. Cooked and ate breakfast

3. Went to the 6:45 a.m. telephone OA meeting

4. Went to the 7 a.m. telephone DA meeting

5. Went to see the doctor at 8:15 a. m.

6. Went to the 9:45 a.m. telephone CLA activity line

7. Went to the 10 a.m. telephone UA meeting

Things I will do today

8. Go to the 11 a.m. telephone PA meeting

9. Prayer and meditation morning and evening

10. Go to the 12 noon telephone ACA meeting

11. Eat lunch

12. Go to the 1:30 p.m. telephone UA meeting

13. Go to the 3 p.m. telephone UA meeting

14. Get mail

15. Wash dishes

16. Do some housecleaning

17. Warm up and eat dinner

18. Go to the 6:45 p.m. telephone OA meeting

19. Go to the 7:30 p.m. telephone CLA activity line

20. Go to the 8 p.m. telephone CLA meeting

21. Go to the 9 p.m. online EA meeting

Thanks for letting me share

(Since we cannot start new threads, I'm posting this here. That was all I could do).

When saw a photo of windmills, the first thing I thought of was the expression "tilting at windmills" from the book "Don Quixote".

As Don Quixote was traveling along upon his horse, there came into view 30 or 40 windmills rising from the plain in the distance. He misconstrued them to be giants that should be fought.

Just then they came in sight of thirty or forty windmills that rise from that plain. And no sooner did Don Quixote see them that he said to his squire, "Fortune is guiding our affairs better than we ourselves could have wished. Do you see over yonder, friend Sancho, thirty or forty hulking giants? I intend to do battle with them and slay them. With their spoils we shall begin to be rich for this is a righteous war and the removal of so foul a brood from off the face of the earth is a service God will bless."

"What giants?" asked Sancho Panza.

"Those you see over there," replied his master, "with their long arms. Some of them have arms well nigh two leagues in length."

"Take care, sir," cried Sancho. "Those over there are not giants but windmills. Those things that seem to be their arms are sails which, when they are whirled around by the wind, turn the millstone."

-- Don Quixote, Part 1, Chapter VIII.

The word "tilting" refers to medieval jousting with a lance.

The phrase "tilting at windmills" is sometimes used to describe confrontations where adversaries are incorrectly perceived, or courses of action that are based on misinterpreted or misapplied heroic, romantic, or idealistic justifications. It may also connote an importune, unfounded and vain effort against confabulated adversaries for a vain goal.

As a procrastinator, a direct interpretation could be that the windmills represent "seemingly-useful" tasks we vest too much energy in -- but really don't accomplish anything. We get all excited that we are heroically working on them -- but meanwhile we ignore what is actually more important.

Another metaphor for Don Quixote is that we might have overly-idealistic perfectionism goals -- and we can release that ... and instead remember that small imperfectly done tasks are honorable.

We can also forgive ourselves for getting distracted by what we had personally assumed was important, but wasn't. We can understand that our efforts to be "noble" may have caused us to take on too much. But we can still love ourselves. We can honor our strengths by acknowledging our inner noble nature. We can now redirect our nobility of spirit to whatever higherpower directs us to do.

However, I see something else when looking at the quoted text. I notice that Sancho Panza explains that the things we fear (the enemy giant's arms) are not what we had assumed. They are, in fact, *helpful* because ... the blades/sails of the windmill are there to catch the wind and harness the energy to get the mill working.

So ... Perhaps ... we can stop fighting what we initially assume are big scary tasks.

Perhaps we can just see tasks for what they are -- Tasks are things we can use appropriately -- to accomplish our goals.

The original mills were used to grind the grain -- to break down the grain into flour for cooking. A reminder that we can break down our tasks into digestible pieces.

There is also the concept "the daily grind" where we refer to our jobs/workplaces -- or our daily routines -- as a difficult effort, whether it refers to milling grain into flour, or grinding coffee. Perhaps we can rethink that attitude, into seeing it as steady efforts that will meet longterm goals, even if seemingly tedious.

Sometimes we refer to the millstones -- the big heavy stones in old mills that the grains are ground between. "This job is a heavy millstone around my neck weighing me down." Why think of it that way? We could choose to see our jobs as means to grind away at the tasks and to save toward the future.

On the other hand, if we are procrastinating a *needed* change in job or career, perhaps we can ask for support in that?

And from a completely different idea ... thank you to Vic for pointing out that modern "wind turbines" are there to harness the wind itself -- a renewable source to harness energy to fuel our lives. So why not embrace our HigherPower or "source" of energy instead of fighting it?

I intended to spend the day in the library...here it is now 2.30pm and I still haven't left!!! So: 

• gather my materials, and leave. (I'm thinking about having a cup of tea or coffee first!!! Procrastination alert!!!!)
• get to the library. Borrow computer. Do some writing.
• no, surely have a plan? Make a plan? I'm in such trouble...
• ok, breathe. Get to the library, book out a laptop, get some writing done to do with the big compulsory project. I need to jazz up some scripted stuff, and to get started on the essay.
• after 1 or 2 hours work, review: take a break.
• return to writing, carry on until 6.15 latest.
• get to commitment in time (7pm)
• home, walk dogs.
• also, in all honesty, need to write some step work (and this really is urgent). Should I do this, now, before I go to the library? And with a cup of tea or coffee? I think that's acceptable.
• Back to tonight: dye hair? Can't be bothered, can do that wednesday... Have a bath.
• try meditation again.
• try to get to sleep before midnight.

ok, I already feel better. Also, important for me to acknowledge that today I HAVE done my pilates, my other (new) work-out, I've tidied the kitchen, walked the dogs, decluttered a bag of books for the charity shop, and eaten a healthy lunch.

________________________________________________________________________
It's an inside job...

 Good morning PA!

As usual I have been MIA for a long time ... but this time for a good reason. I had a 2nd job which allowed me for a few months to earn a financial cushion that I haven't had in years. It means if I lost my main job, I would still have some money saved up.

Aside from that, the usual avoidance issues have once again risen to the surface so I must rise to the occasion and come here to sort it out. 

I have neglected so many things, including fixing my car. What's worse about this is that I actually have the money to fix it, but I'm still in "poverty" mentality and feeling like I don't want to deal with anything but bare-minimum survival. Yet I am extremely frustrated by my lack of "moving forward" in many areas of my life. Basically I'm just getting by. It's not enough anymore and I need to deal with why I'm still putting things off that other people would have dealt with by now. 

I am sorry that my participation in PA is so intermittent, but grateful that PA is still here. 

I wish you all a great week!

I'll start with a few things to get me out the door before work:

• make coffee
• take shower
• finish nails
  

• leave by 8:15, preferably earlier--->running late, leaving at around 8:20
• Printed out car repair website info

EVENING:

I actually don't feel too tired yet after work so I'm on the computer to check in again and see if I can start any of my tasks to move my life forward, even if it's in some small way. Do I want to be here in 6 months in the same position in life, or do I want things to improve? That will depend on how I use my time on nights and weekends. That said, I have to be careful not to pressure myself or risk flooding and running into avoidance again. 

So, I'll look through my list, and for now only pick one thing. 

Maint. basics, exer, plan, follow through, use tools that workMaint. basics, exer, plan, follow through, use tools that work

Please do not leave advice or feedback.  Thank you.  Prayers welcome. 

________________________________________________________________________________

I am recommitting, b/c I finally recovered, although I still have a bit of a cough.  I am aiming to do most of my work-outs right now, while the sun is still out.  Last time I got
through 15 days by April 18.   I want to do
this, for myself, my health and my ability to function.  My commitment
is the following:

Either one segment of my run/walk plan or 30 minutes of exercise at least everyday for seven days, comprised of the following

1) a segment of my running plan, if there is one for that day

2) any combination of the following in order to get to 30 minutes:

* walking, running, swimming, dance class, aerobics, sculpting class, yoga, biking

It's an eithe/or thing.  I want to leave the door open for myself to be flexible.

Why am I doing this:

1.  I get headaches, whenever I don't exercise.  I
   don't know why I have a neurological problem, such that exercise is the
   only thing that makes me feel better physically and emotionally.
2. I like to feel lighter on my feet. People are staring at me,
   looking at me all the time wherever I go, and I want to look good at
   work, at school, standing waiting for the bus.
3. I do a lot of standing around, b/c I have to take a bus or go to
   class etc. and I want to have the confidence in myself that I will
   invest in myself by doing exercise that day.
4. I don't want to be the fat person at work or class or in a social setting.
5. Exercise, particularly running, makes me feel more confident and
   comfortable in my body.  It's the only way I gain sanity and mental
   concentration sometimes.
6. I would like to be attractive; I don't want to feel self-conscious whenever someone attractive is staring at me.
7. I have athletic goals.  I have two running programs, one for
   beginning running, and I have another one for running for a straight 30
   minutes.  I want to get through these programs.  I have a goal to one
   day run the Hawaii marathon.  But first I'd like to do a half-marathon
   (preferably the Disney one) just to experience it, b/c I just skipped to
   the marathon.
8. Running helps me to feel motivated in other areas of my life,
   whether I'm sitting in a chair programming or I'm translating Latin.
9. Exercise helps my body to feel tight, and helps me to stop obsessing about body dysmorphism issue, as exercise enables me to feel that I am headed in a positive direction for my shape.

___________________________________________________________________________

Today walked 3 minutes, did run 2 minutes + walk 3 minutes for fifteen minutes.  Walked two more minutes.  Walked 11:21.  Ran 38 seconds.  Biked six minutes.

1. Run and have coffee with MO 10 - noon
2. Spend 1/2 hour on report and email to EH. 12:30 - 1 pm
3. Call MEH 3-3:30 pm
4. Go to produce store - noon
5. Make dinner with leftovers for the week 5:30 to - 7 pm
6. 4 hours on modals - 1 to 3 pm and 3:30 to 5:30
7. Call Mom - 7:00 to 7:30 pm
8. 2 1/2 hours look up info on school 7:30 - 10:00 pm and access on-line resources
9. Mad Men
10. Make lunch and get ready for Monday 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

One small step is not just much more than nothing,
it is infinitely more. (-- Clement)

And the task that seems infinite ... is finite.

Help me find the courage and faith
to start and to keep going.

Every moment can be a new start.

Maint. basics, exer, plan, follow through, use tools that work.