Tuesday 13th August 2013

I like that pic from friday, 8/9
Because the butterfly represents metamorphosis, transformation. It is what Jesus does for humans: transforms them from broken, rebellious creatures into healed creatures in harmony with God's will.

12:19:49 ‹clement› i feel like recovery is not working and i feel the impulse to give up on everything i'm doing. To just throw it all away.
12:20:04 ‹clement› I am posting here so i can microburst bookend so maybe i wont throw it all away
12:21:24 ‹clement› my new scheme is to spread out my "morning routine" tasks thruout the day.
12:21:49 ‹clement› cuz i often get up at 10 and dont finish my "morning routine" til 4pm
12:22:07 ‹clement› or 3pm or 2pm it is telling that i pick the worst case to report
12:23:49 ‹clement› I have so many urgent, important tasks it is overwhelming
12:24:07 ‹clement› And yet i sit here wallowing in self pity.
12:25:03 ‹clement› How is the hustle of getting tasks done quickly compatible with "be still and know that i am god"
12:26:40 ‹clement› I know (in my head only) the answer to that: one can be physically active, and spirtually still simultaneously, if they know that their tasks are God's will and offered in service to God

I have to write this in big font to impress it upon myself:

I decide to commit to trying an experiment tue-fri of this week. I will spread out my "morning routine" tasks thruout the day. I'll see how that works, evaluate, and choose a new course next week based on the results.

that seems logical. I just dont "feel" any of it.

Abstinence from unplanned time.

• The one thing, the only thing, i can do impulsively is write something on my todo list.
• The one thing, the only thing, i can do off plan is recovery, something to maintain my sobriety, when tempted. I have come to believe that it is more important to maintain sobriety than to get things done.

Abstinence from relying on self. AA Big Book says to rely on God. Quoted in my bookmarks : scroll down to "AA Big Book on fears : relying on God not self-reliance:"

• I have come to believe that it is more important to maintain sobriety of relying on God than to get things done.
  • "15 Points" point 5 says:
    

    5. Develop and rehearse a daily plan of thinking and acting by which you will live that day relying on God, regardless of what may upset you or how hard the old urge to rely on self may hit you.

    My Plan is this:

    1. read "15 Points"
    2. Meditate for 5 min on the attributes of God

:) ci
:) start timers
:) v task
cL
:) time log
:) quiet time
:) r task
:) s task
:) t task
:) 11am pa phone mtg
:) sort tasks
j task
:) do tasks
:) put away clothes
:) abstinence day counts
:) reflection
:) pre-plan tmrw

9:02pm:

John 6 :
6:26 Jesus replied, “I tell you the solemn truth, you are looking for me not because you saw miraculous signs, but because you ate all the loaves of bread you wanted. 6:27 Do not work for the food that disappears, but for the food that remains to eternal life – the food which the Son of Man will give to you. ...

6:28 So then they said to him, “What must we do to accomplish the deeds God requires?” 6:29 Jesus replied, “This is the deed God requires – to believe in the one whom he sent.” ...

6:35 Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life. The one who comes to me will never go hungry, and the one who believes in me will never be thirsty. 6:36 But I told you that you have seen me and still do not believe. 6:37 Everyone whom the Father gives me will come to me, and the one who comes to me I will never send away. 6:38 For I have come down from heaven not to do my own will but the will of the one who sent me. 6:39 Now this is the will of the one who sent me – that I should not lose one person of every one he has given me, but raise them all up at the last day. ...

6:47 I tell you the solemn truth, the one who believes has eternal life. 6:48 I am the bread of life. 6:49 Your ancestors ate the manna in the wilderness, and they died. 6:50 This is the bread that has come down from heaven, so that a person may eat from it and not die. 6:51 I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats from this bread he will live forever. The bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh.”

• Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid?
  --- yes, yes, no, yes. Lord heal me of these character defects.
• Do we owe an apology?
• Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once?
• Were we kind and loving toward all?
  --- no mostly because my emotional affect was down most of the day.
• What could we have done better?
  --- John 6 really re-focused me on heavenly things. Thank you God for bringing that to me. But I wish i had been there sooner and for most of the day, ideally.
• Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time?
  --- yes, almost all day.
• Or, were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life?

THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR (everything i "did well" comes from god, either thru gifts he's given me or the way he's transformed me)

I kept to recovery.
I resisted being impulsive.
I did 1 hour of good work.
I reconnected with God thru John 6.

people say motivation won't last. neither does bathing, that's why we recommend it daily

zig ziglar

2 hrs paperwork

go for shower

put wash on

phone calls

fiances

follow paper list

email sol

show up (done, plan, exer, follow through

PRAY FOR WILLINGNESS TO BE WILLING AND OPEN FOR A MIRACLE.

Thanks Mole - heres to voicing lovely wishes!

• readings
• tidy
• pack rehab bag
• call aj
• call bt
• laundry
• sh
• call an make appt ht
• email physio
• call d
• email b re weekend
• rubbish oout
• write card o 
• get 4 sc & write
• email n
• skype g
• groceries
• swap np fpr ep
• drop in form sv
• call d about o address
• ring ccc
• call db sec re letters
• decide thurs e apt
• journal
• text l and a
• make dinner m
• groceries away
• diary
• laundry
• book lg
• meet with M
• notes int odoc continue
• rehab excercises
• HIO