Saturday 27th 2013

i think i would like that graphic, but i feel so crappy i feel nothing. but i'm gonig to go thru the motions. my reminder just went off for the phone check-in and it is irritating me. I am in a dangerous, precarious state.

13:27:53 [clement] ok it has just popped into my head. Even tho i have urgent, important tasks, they are STILL not as important as sobriety. Rather maintain sobriety, than get tasks done
13:28:20 [clement] that means if i have to read 15 points all day and pray, as long as i dont go off plan, it's infinitely better than giving in to temptation and gong off plan
13:28:47 [clement] cuz if i can get thru a day like today without going off plan, it means that i have the means to survive my addition and going forward that's the best omen

1:39pm picture done. did not feel it.

Abstinence from unplanned time.

• The one thing, the only thing, i can do impulsively is write something on my todo list.
• The one thing, the only thing, i can do off plan is recovery, something to maintain my sobriety, when tempted. I have come to believe that it is more important to maintain sobriety than to get things done.

Abstinence from relying on self. AA Big Book says to rely on God. Quoted in my bookmarks : scroll down to "AA Big Book on fears : relying on God not self-reliance:"

• I have come to believe that it is more important to maintain sobriety of relying on God than to get things done.
  • "15 Points" point 5 says:
    

    5. Develop and rehearse a daily plan of thinking and acting by which you will live that day relying on God, regardless of what may upset you or how hard the old urge to rely on self may hit you.

    My Plan is this:

    1. read "15 Points"
    2. Meditate for 5 min on the attributes of God

:) ci
:) start timers
:) v task
:) cL
:) ime log
:) quiet time
r task
s task
t task
:) 11am pa phone mtg
:-( sort tasks
j task
:) do tasks
:) put away clothes
:-( abstinence day counts
:-( reflection
:-( pre-plan tmrw

very bad end to the day. i just gave up and went to bed.

• Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid?
  -- feeling bad for myself is ultimately selfish
• Do we owe an apology?
  -- probably
• Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once?
• Were we kind and loving toward all?
  -- no i did not have the strength
• What could we have done better?
  -- been less focused on my self and my problems, more focused on what God has already done for me and what he's promised to do for me, trusted that God was going to come to my aid and sustain me. I could have asked him for help. But it never occurred to me.
• Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time?
  -- yes
• Or, were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life?

THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR (everything i "did well" comes from god, either thru gifts he's given me or the way he's transformed me)

I watched a few hours of TV but never lost sight of recovery.
It was a bad day IN recovery, not a day of non-recovery or backsliding.
Leftover chinese food was yummy.
I did one of my NONurgen, yet MIT (Most Important Task)
I fixed the mower for my wife.

Send invoices - sent 4 , 1 to go
Do some webchanges I've been putting off
Tidy room
Make a 'things to buy' list
Draft Letter1

Go for a walk

Tomorrow:
Charge battery, take drill

I want to thank my Higher Power for this program, this website, the telephone and online meetings, and my life.

I want to thank jalla for starting this trend.

Things I will do today

1. Go to the 5:45 a.m. telephone ACA meeting

2. Eat breakfast

3. Go to the 10 a.m. telephone DA meeting

4. Go to the 11:15 a.m. telephone DA workshop

5. Take shower

6. Get dressed

7. Declutter

8. Go to the 1 p.m. telephone CLAWSO meeting

9. Go to a religious meeting at 3:30

10. Go to church at 5:30

11. Eat dinner

12. Go to the 7:30 p.m. face to face NA meeting

13. Go to the 10 p.m. online  EA meeting

Thanks for letting me share