Tuesday, 23rd July 2013

Mole, thank you for the day starter. The motto conjures up such nice summer-at-sea images!

Sunday was full of work but with almost no progress. The whole Monday was bad, I felt depleted. This morning, I overslept, and the workday wasn't great either. Trying to get back on track now. So please bear with me if I'm writing down baby steps and tiny tasks today, e.g. "put on left shoe - put on right shoe - open door - close door - ...". Hmm, I think I'll condense most of the tasks into bigger chunks once they are done.

experience life as something enjoyable (work in progress)
repair & mount "new" used bicycle basket
grocery shopping
take time to smell the basil!
drink lots of water and some cold chocolate (yummy! cold! fair trade, low sugar, high cocoa content drinking chocolate powder! fresh low fat organic milk! all that easily available at the local supermarket! yesss....)
wash dishes
notice rainbow outside
clear table
go swimming (Swam 2km - 1.2km with fins & paddles, 0.8km without. Then there was lightning again and the pool was closed. The training fins were a good investment - I can only recommend them, in combination with hand paddles, to anyone who wants to get a better workout in less time while swimming. At the beginning, I got blisters and leg cramps after only 100m, now I still get them - but only after about 1 km, and the blisters only if I don't tape my toes. And I think it'll still get better. And swimming fast with fins & paddles is fun!)
unpack swimming bag
plan, prepare & pack for tomorrow morning (prepared everything for that. Went to the cellar to get some non-leaking plastic container, neighbour opened the door and asked if I'd like to eat some leftovers - they'd cooked too much for dinner. Moroccan cuisine, delicious! So many things to enjoy today, I should probably get suspicious and expect lots of bad luck in the near future...)
do dishes
sleep

people say motivation won't last. neither does bathing, that's why we recommend it daily

zig ziglar

make sandwhich

dentist

camera

doc

to do list

stew

wash up/tidy up

put rubbish out

F BROS

check to do list

X Cat plate, food, wipes, medicine
X Wash car
x Cat litter, wipes
x Cat medicine
Workout
Cook
Clean sink
Sweep porch
Spray pesticide

Fail day.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Nothing diminishes anxiety faster than action - Walter Anderson

11:34pm (night before):

Abstinence from unplanned time.

• The one thing, the only thing, i can do impulsively is write something on my todo list.
• The one thing, the only thing, i can do off plan is recovery, something to maintain my sobriety, when tempted. I have come to believe that it is more important to maintain sobriety than to get things done.

Abstinence from relying on self. AA Big Book says to rely on God. Quoted in my bookmarks : scroll down to "AA Big Book on fears : relying on God not self-reliance:"

• I have come to believe that it is more important to maintain sobriety of relying on God than to get things done.
  • "15 Points" point 5 says:
    

    5. Develop and rehearse a daily plan of thinking and acting by which you will live that day relying on God, regardless of what may upset you or how hard the old urge to rely on self may hit you.

    My Plan is this:

    1. read "15 Points"
    2. Meditate for 5 min on the attributes of God

:) ci
:) start timers
:) v task
:) cL
:) time log
:) quiet time
:) r task
:) s task
:) t task
:) 11am pa phone mtg
:) sort tasks
j task
:) do tasks
:) put away clothes
:) abstinence day counts
:) reflection
:) pre-plan tmrw

09:01:23 [clement] given the time, and when the appt is, i have to start getting ready right now. but idowanna.
09:01:43 [clement] Lord, grant me the strength to pick myself up, and work my program, one day at a time.
09:02:06 [clement] But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint - Isa 40:31, KJV
09:02:19 [clement] "The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure, hidden in a field, that a person found and hid. Then because of joy he went and sold all that he had and bought that field. Mat 13:44
09:02:37 [clement] Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort? Gal 3:3
09:02:48 [clement] do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to god. and the peace god, of which transcends understanding, will guard your hearts and mind in christ jesus. --Phil 4:6-7
09:03:35 [clement] thanksgiving. i could use a little of that. thank you, lord, that i am here facing my schedule, insetad of oversleeping, forgetting entirely, or lost in escapism. Like i have been oh so many times.
09:03:45 [clement] I guess you have been good to me. Thanks

11:58 pm:
[not tracking <15 min anymore (for now)]
It's been 02days 08hrs 02min since i last went on an off-plan bender >15min (45min, 15:11-15:56 7/21 searching for music on youtube)
It's been 03days 01hrs 35min since i last went on an off-plan bender >1hr (2hr 5min, 20:18-22:23 7/20 web searq; abs his: (/ (+ 13 1 1 5 6 6 3 6 8 5 1 2 5 2 3 8 ) 16.0)4.6875 ave, old-new)
It's been 03days 01hrs 35min since i last went on an off-plan bender >2hrs (2hr 5min, 20:18-22:23 7/20 web searq; abs his: (/ (+ 5 14 8 6 12 9 8 13 11) 9.0)9.55 ave)
It's been 35days 20hrs 32min (mt) since i last went on an off-plan bender >3hrs (4hrs 1min, 11:25pm-3:26am 6/12-13 q surfing binge; abs his: 25,14,36; corrected 5/24).
It's been 36 days (mt) since i last went on an off-plan bender >4hrs (4hrs 1min, 11:25pm-3:26am 6/12-13 q surfing binge; before that: 78days).
It's been >114 days (mt) since i last went on an off-plan bender >6hrs (6hrs on 3/25/2013).
It's been 250 days (mt) since i last went on an off-plan bender >1day (11/15/2012)
It's been ~350 days (mt) since i last went on an off-plan bender >1week (16 days til 1 year, aug 8, 2013)
It's been 35days 13hrs 13min (mt) since i last relied on self. (6/10-6/13 10:45am overwhelmed with too many medium important tasks, no MITs; abs his: 14,50)

(mt) = not counting 5 day Mission Trip 7/15-7/19

• Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid?
  -- yeah, a little, a few times.
• Do we owe an apology?
  -- probably. but i'm not sure i can do it.
  -- Andy Stanley says forgiveness is to figure out what the other person "stole" from you. Then make a decision to let the other person out of that "debt". Then let God do the rest. Let him heal you. So i will do that with these hurts. Ok, i have freed the other person from their "debt" to me.
• Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once?
• Were we kind and loving toward all?
  -- nope. try again tmrw.
• What could we have done better?
  -- had more joy doing god's will, instead of drudgery. God please show me the path to joy.
• Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time?
  -- yeah. this is the path. More of God, less of me.
• Or, were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life?

THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR (everything i "did well" comes from god, either thru gifts he's given me or the way he's transformed me)

Attended the stupid seminar which was 2hrs and almost a complete waste of time.
Happy for the 1 idea i got from it.
Happy that i went thru the motions like i shoulda.
Happy that i was on time for that appt. (5min late for the 2nd one)
Happy that i was efficient and did 2 tasks in Dunkin Donuts with wifi between the two appts.
Happy that i got another MIT done--business account application supporting documents.
Happy that i have 2 more clients.