Monday, 22nd July 2013

Please do not leave advice or feedback.  Thank you.  Prayers welcome. 

During my last trial of this commitment I got to day 77 and then I
missed the mark by a 2-4 minutes.   I do not want to be too stringent
with my application of the rules, b/c it's about progress not
perfection, but at the same time it's important that I do things but a
certain time, because when I am on time for my exercise plan, I practice
being on time in other areas of my life.  I've started the last
continuous set of exercise days on July 12th.  By my watch (which is
admittedly ahead), I walked 29 minutes and 43 seconds, but I'm going to
give myself some slack, becasue I did not have a written commitment, I
have also *counted* the exercise, when I merely satisfied 30 minutes of
exercise by the time the gym clock was 12am.  So, I'm still going to
count the two days before this one, b/c I want to start somewhere and
give myself credit for progress (not perfection).

Excercise can be: an exercise video, walking, swimming, running,
jogging, aerobics or fitness class, dance class, yoga, martial arts,
biking (stationary or otherwise).

But going forward my commitment is to accomplish 30 minutes of exercise
each day before my watch says 12am.  The reasons why I am doing this:

1. I need to have some kind of set time for doing the exercise.  It
   cannot just be whenever.  Deadlines help me to get things done.  And
   having a deadline of midnight that is not relative to any old clock
   helps me to practice the planning required to be on time or early for
   something.
2. I am practicing being on time in my life for meetings (usually
   12-step), appointments (including job interviews), work (when I have a
   job) and school classes.  I recently felt heartbroken after a job
   interview process that went haywire, and while I certainly did not
   deserve most of the scrutiny I received from the hiring manager, my part
   in that process was that I was not on time.  And I want to be on time
   for interviews, so that I have enough time to present myself well, and
   have money to pay back my credit cards and save for school so that I can
   move out of here.  Being late is a life problem for me.  I have
   sacrificed a great deal because of it, and I still have done it.  Like
   an alcoholic walking back into traffic over and over again.  I want to
   have a successful work assignment, where I don't get fired due to
   lateness.  Lateness has also affected my social life: I have missed out
   on movies, group movies, dates, relationships, weddings.  A former boss
   once said, "___ can't get hirself out of bed to save her own life."  And
   I am embarrassed about this.  On Saturday (07/13), I missed a
   chiropractic appointment entirely because of my sleeping through it.  I
   don't want to be that person anymore.  Right now I'm scared of getting
   banned from seeing my doctor.  I feel I need him to get better
   healthwise. Hence, being on time is very important in my life.  I have a
   lot of shame surrounding my lateness.  Whenever I'm late, I feel shame,
   which affects my whole behavior in my life.  It's gotten to the point
   that, I cannot be a Software Engineer, an actor or really any other
   profession, unless I fix this.  The number one way I can do this is by
   fixing my sleep schedule, by doing my dental routine and taking a shower
   ideally by 12am.
3. I am interviewing for a job, which requires a lot of sedentary
   programming work.  Running helps me to feel energized when I am sitting
   applying to jobs, filling out programming exercises or just plain taking
   exams.  I believe that sticking to a running plan and the energy I get
   from exercize will help me in implementing further goals such as
   applying to grad school or reapplying to university.
4. My goal for this week or until I get a job offer is that I stick to my extended version of the Rodale running plan, and do at least one module of the running plan
   per day.  It doesn't matter if I have to repeat training days, just as
   long as I stay consistent.  It doesn't matter if I have to take a break
   to use the restroom.  If I do the exercise required, that still counts. 
   If I skip a walking day, because I have started and stopped this plan
   several times, making it easy for me to accelerate; that's fine, I can
   just start the running plan from that place. 
5. This is not a requirement for the commitment, but it's certainly a
   topline goal: I want to get to the gym on running days so that I can
   take advantage of the Woodway treadmills.  After all, I've already paid
   for it.   I would like to be able to take advantage of my gym membership
   as well as all the excitement and fulfillment that comes from seeing
   other people and rushing to the gym to be on time, which also helps me
   fulfill my daily commitment to myself.

******

I have finished the first week's worth of jogging exercises.  Technically today would be a rest day, but I already spent the early morning finishing my jogging exercise and then walking thirty minutes, plus the six minutes of stationary biking.  But I am looking toward making some protein-packed dinners so that I have the energy I need to start the next phase of the running plan.

Show up (done), exer, plan,follow through

Love the poster below- hope I can do it today= use the tools that work

Resolution: don't read origs; write or read a book instead

X Cat litter, plate, food, medicine and wipes
X Iron clothes
X Shower
X do dishes
X Prep work lunch

X Finish Grocery shopping
x Ffff cover letter
x Give s her cat paper
Ask s about iglesias concert
x 7:15 s dinner

~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Nothing diminishes anxiety faster than action - Walter Anderson

This is what I need to do (worry about what to do today when I've listed these):

• b'day pres for L
• b'day pres for I
• red dye
• wash clothes
• empty dishwasher
• finish half-made hats
  • sew flowers onto straw
  • sew together indian cotton
  • trim felt
• email W re hat
• do accounts
• do website
• check details of Bridport comp
• find accommodation Bridport
• email financial advisors
• email C re supper Weds
• tidy house
• run

Well, the run can wait till this evening when it's cooler.

If I wash clothes now they can be drying while I do other things, and that will get me away from the computer for a while.

While the clothes are drying, I'll go into town and get the birthday presents and the dye. 

So the plan now is:

1. Check lists for presents then turn computer off
2. Put clothes in wash, and while that's doing:
3. Empty dishwasher
4. Tidy kitchen - part done
5. Work on accounts
6. Hang out clothes
7. Go to town

. 

1:12am 7/22 early morning : pre-plan :

Abstinence from unplanned time.

• The one thing, the only thing, i can do impulsively is write something on my todo list.
• The one thing, the only thing, i can do off plan is recovery, something to maintain my sobriety, when tempted. I have come to believe that it is more important to maintain sobriety than to get things done.

Abstinence from relying on self. AA Big Book says to rely on God. Quoted in my bookmarks : scroll down to "AA Big Book on fears : relying on God not self-reliance:"

• I have come to believe that it is more important to maintain sobriety of relying on God than to get things done.
  • "15 Points" point 5 says:
    

    5. Develop and rehearse a daily plan of thinking and acting by which you will live that day relying on God, regardless of what may upset you or how hard the old urge to rely on self may hit you.

    My Plan is this:

    1. read "15 Points"
    2. Meditate for 5 min on the attributes of God

:) ci
:) start timers
:) v task
:) cL
:) time log
:) quiet time
:) r task
:) s task
:) t task
:) 11am pa phone mtg
:) sort tasks
j task
:) do tasks
:) put away clothes
:) abstinence day counts
:) reflection
:) pre-plan tmrw

16:36:19 [clement] thanks to RECOVERY driven by God assisted by you good folks, i paid my business taxes!!!

23:20:07 [clement] everything else can wait til tmrw
23:20:36 [clement] i was rarely off plan today. I got several MITs done. but it felt like a crappy day, cuz i was constantly denied my drug.

11:38pm :
[not tracking <15 min anymore (for now)]
It's been 01days 07hrs 42min since i last went on an off-plan bender >15min (45min, 15:11-15:56 7/21 searching for music on youtube)
It's been 02days 01hrs 15min since i last went on an off-plan bender >1hr (2hr 5min, 20:18-22:23 7/20 web searq; abs his: (/ (+ 13 1 1 5 6 6 3 6 8 5 1 2 5 2 3 8 ) 16.0)4.6875 ave, old-new)
It's been 02days 01hrs 15min since i last went on an off-plan bender >2hrs (2hr 5min, 20:18-22:23 7/20 web searq; abs his: (/ (+ 5 14 8 6 12 9 8 13 11) 9.0)9.55 ave)
It's been 34days 20hrs 12min (mt) since i last went on an off-plan bender >3hrs (4hrs 1min, 11:25pm-3:26am 6/12-13 q surfing binge; abs his: 25,14,36; corrected 5/24).
It's been 35 days (mt) since i last went on an off-plan bender >4hrs (4hrs 1min, 11:25pm-3:26am 6/12-13 q surfing binge; before that: 78days).
It's been >113 days (mt) since i last went on an off-plan bender >6hrs (6hrs on 3/25/2013).
It's been 249 days (mt) since i last went on an off-plan bender >1day (11/15/2012)
It's been ~349 days (mt) since i last went on an off-plan bender >1week (17 days til 1 year, aug 8, 2013)
It's been 34days 12hrs 53min (mt) since i last relied on self. (6/10-6/13 10:45am overwhelmed with too many medium important tasks, no MITs; abs his: 14,50)

(mt) = not counting 5 day Mission Trip 7/15-7/19

• Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid?
• Do we owe an apology?
• Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once?
• Were we kind and loving toward all?
• What could we have done better?
  -- experienced god's joy while doing all on-plan tasks.
• Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time?
  -- yes the drudgery i felt comes from a large focus on myself.
  -- I now remember my quiet time from this morn which was glorious. but it wore off during the day.
• Or, were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life?

THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR (everything i "did well" comes from god, either thru gifts he's given me or the way he's transformed me)

Great quiet time reading.
Being on plan all day.
Being able to be on plan even tho it felt like drudgery.
Getting the 4 MITs done today.
Going to bed early.
Break in the heat wave.
Ice cream.
Red wine.