Wed, 24-July-2013

Abstinence from unplanned time.

• The one thing, the only thing, i can do impulsively is write something on my todo list.
• The one thing, the only thing, i can do off plan is recovery, something to maintain my sobriety, when tempted. I have come to believe that it is more important to maintain sobriety than to get things done.

Abstinence from relying on self. AA Big Book says to rely on God. Quoted in my bookmarks : scroll down to "AA Big Book on fears : relying on God not self-reliance:"

• I have come to believe that it is more important to maintain sobriety of relying on God than to get things done.
  • "15 Points" point 5 says:
    

    5. Develop and rehearse a daily plan of thinking and acting by which you will live that day relying on God, regardless of what may upset you or how hard the old urge to rely on self may hit you.

    My Plan is this:

    1. read "15 Points"
    2. Meditate for 5 min on the attributes of God

:) ci
:) start timers
:) v task
:) cL
:) time log
:) quiet time
:) r task
:) s task
:) t task
:-( 11am pa phone mtg
:-( sort tasks
j task
:) do tasks
:) put away clothes
:) abstinence day counts
:) reflection
:) pre-plan tmrw

11:43pm :
[not tracking <15 min anymore (for now)]
It's been 00days 11hrs 22min since i last went on an off-plan bender >15min (2hrs 37min, 9:44am-12:21pm 7/24 w surfing)
It's been 00days 11hrs 22min since i last went on an off-plan bender >1hr (2hrs 37min, 9:44am-12:21pm 7/24 w surfing; abs his: (/ (+ 13 1 1 5 6 6 3 6 8 5 1 2 5 2 3 8 4) 17.0)4.647 ave, old-new)
It's been 00days 11hrs 22min since i last went on an off-plan bender >2hrs (2hrs 37min, 9:44am-12:21pm 7/24 w surfing; abs his: (/ (+ 5 14 8 6 12 9 8 13 11 4) 10.0)9.0 ave)
It's been 36days 20hrs 17min (mt) since i last went on an off-plan bender >3hrs (4hrs 1min, 11:25pm-3:26am 6/12-13 q surfing binge; abs his: 25,14,36; corrected 5/24).
It's been 37 days (mt) since i last went on an off-plan bender >4hrs (4hrs 1min, 11:25pm-3:26am 6/12-13 q surfing binge; before that: 78days).
It's been >115 days (mt) since i last went on an off-plan bender >6hrs (6hrs on 3/25/2013).
It's been 251 days (mt) since i last went on an off-plan bender >1day (11/15/2012)
It's been ~351 days (mt) since i last went on an off-plan bender >1week (15 days til 1 year, aug 8, 2013)
It's been 36days 12hrs 58min (mt) since i last relied on self. (6/10-6/13 10:45am overwhelmed with too many medium important tasks, no MITs; abs his: 14,50)

(mt) = not counting 5 day Mission Trip 7/15-7/19

It was a bad day.
But still, my 3hr and above abstinence counts went up.

• Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid?
  -- i was afraid when i went off plan for >2hrs and i thot my life was ruined.
  -- ok, really, it was not as bad as a year ago.
  -- I was resentful of k moving my stuff.
• Do we owe an apology?
  -- i'm sorry God for not taking advantage of what you've given me. Namely recovery.
• Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once?
• Were we kind and loving toward all?
• What could we have done better?
  -- not gone off plan.
  -- not felt so guilty after
• Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time?
  -- once again, yes.
• Or, were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life?

THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR (everything i "did well" comes from god, either thru gifts he's given me or the way he's transformed me)

My off plan binge was as long as it was. It could have been longer.
I got my business acct today.
I made progress on financial issues.
I had a good session with my client.
I did some more work for another client.
I have a nice end planned to my day. Rly, ty for that god.