Tuesday, 2nd July 2013

Well, I submitted my stuff on Sunday but since then I have not had the usual sense of relief/euphoria: I cannot help but feel disappointed with what I produced. I have had three months but how much effective time have I spent on it?

Oh, well. Trying to be resilient and move on. Now I want to:

shower and get dressed

errand * 2

start on 2 mtg docs

yesterday i missed a deadline but got a 24 hour extention. I must use this wisely.

• bursts on statement for 1hr (1,2)
• send to b
• fill out rest
• ask re code
• email it by 3! 
• gym
• work emails 

Abstinence from unplanned time.

• The one thing, the only thing, i can do impulsively is write something on my todo list.
• The one thing, the only thing, i can do off plan is recovery, something to maintain my sobriety, when tempted. I have come to believe that it is more important to maintain sobriety than to get things done.

Abstinence from relying on self. AA Big Book says to rely on God. Quoted in my bookmarks : scroll down to "AA Big Book on fears : relying on God not self-reliance:"

• I have come to believe that it is more important to maintain sobriety of relying on God than to get things done.
  • "15 Points" point 5 says:
    

    5. Develop and rehearse a daily plan of thinking and acting by which you will live that day relying on God, regardless of what may upset you or how hard the old urge to rely on self may hit you.

    My Plan is this:

    1. read "15 Points"
    2. Meditate for 5 min on the attributes of God

:) ci
:) start Instant Boss
:) v task
:) cl
:) time log
:) quiet time
:) r task
:) s task
:) t task
:) 11am pa phone mtg
:) sort tasks
?capture all * tasks here
j task
:) do tasks
:) put away clothes
:) reflection
:) pre-plan tmrw

11:43am :
[not tracking <15 min anymore (for now)]
It's been 00days 23hrs 17min since i last went on an off-plan bender >15min (23min, 12:03-12:26pm 7/1 email reply but unplanned)
It's been 04days 12hrs 51min since i last went on an off-plan bender >1hr (1hr 26min, 9:26-10:52pm 6/27 researched remote VKM-Audio; abs his: 13,1,1,5,6,6,3,6,8,5,1,2 old-new)
It's been 11days 07hrs 01min since i last went on an off-plan bender >2hrs (2hrs 5min, 2:37-4:42am 6/21 early morning surfinq; abs his: 5,14,8,6,12,9,8 )
It's been 19days 08hrs 17min since i last went on an off-plan bender >3hrs (4hrs 1min, 11:25pm-3:26am 6/12-13 q surfing binge; abs his: 25,14,36; corrected 5/24).
It's been 20 days since i last went on an off-plan bender >4hrs (4hrs 1min, 11:25pm-3:26am 6/12-13 q surfing binge; before that: 78days).
It's been >98 days since i last went on an off-plan bender >6hrs (6hrs on 3/25).
It's been 234 days since i last went on an off-plan bender >1day
It's been ~334 days since i last went on an off-plan bender >1week
It's been 19days 00hrs 58min since i last relied on self. (6/10-6/13 10:45am overwhelmed with too many medium important tasks, no MITs; abs his: 14,50)

When we retire at night, we constructively review our day (BB).

• Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid?
  - several times
• Do we owe an apology?
  - to god, yes. Sorry god.
• Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once?
• Were we kind and loving toward all?
  - mostly
• What could we have done better?
  - off plan a little this morning, could not finish everything before appt.
  - had lousy, unfulfilling appt w/ unemployment agency. Affected my mood. If i fully trusted God and allowed him to be Present in my life, i would not have had to suffer any ill affects.
  - i suffered from several bouts of agitation / anger / frustration.
  - I attribute these to withdrawal symptoms of not getting my hit from being impulsive with tasks and time
• Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time?
  - yes, a lot of the time
• Or, were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life?

THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR (everything i "did well" comes from god, either thru gifts he's given me or the way he's transformed me)

The way "15 points" and meditating on God's Mercy and Patience and Wisdom and Omniscience transformed my mood from very grumpy to positive, hopeful, happy. I love it when that happens.
Good appt w/ Dr.
Particularly good phone meeting.
When i was getting behind schedule this morning, i realized it, checked my appt time, and adjusted my time to get there on time (well i was actually 5 min late).