Wednesday 24th April 2013

Abstinence from unplanned time.

• The one thing, the only thing, i can do impulsively is write something on my todo list.
• The one thing, the only thing, i can do off plan is recovery, something to maintain my sobriety, when tempted. I have come to believe that it is more important to maintain sobriety than to get things done.

Abstinence from relying on self.

We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them. We asked ourselves why we had them. Wasn't it because self-reliance failed us? Self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn't go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn't fully solve the fear problem, or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse.

Perhaps there is a better way - we think so. For we are now on a different basis; the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.

We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our Creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality the way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologize for God. Instead we let Him demonstrate, through us, what He can do. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear. p68 AA Big Book. http://anonpress.org/bb/Page_68.htm

(too long. put this in my bookmarks instead, but do only in a designated break. until then, tolerate imperfection)

:) ci
start Instant Boss
:) v task
:) sched
:) quiet time
:) r task
:) s task
:) t task
:) 11am pa phone mtg
:) sort tasks
:) j task
prj task
:) client h wed
pud disk - install - run hd tune
pu wrk - iDev
pud norton
pud fan
jd hp nb install hw
ka wrk - email and do pdf
kuf wrk - recontact
p wrk - rtn
client ku sat?
later: g wrk
later: ht task
put away clothes
:) reflection
:) pre-plan tmrw

12:36pm
It's been 0days 00hrs 15min since i last got distracted (shopping, email).
It's been 0days 00hrs 15min since i last went on an off-plan bender >15min (60min)
It's been 0days 07hrs 55min since i last went on an off-plan bender >1hr (5hrs 21min, before that 5days abstinence)
It's been 0days 07hrs 55min since i last went on an off-plan bender >2hrs (5hrs 21min, before that 5days abstinence)
It's been 0days 07hrs 55min since i last went on an off-plan bender >3hrs (5hrs 21min, before that 25 days abstinence).
It's been >30days since i last went on an off-plan bender >6hrs (6hrs on 3/25).
It's been 165 days since i last went on an off-plan bender >1day
It's been ~265 days since i last went on an off-plan bender >1week
It's been 10days 18hrs 17min since i last relied on self. (14 days before that)

THINGS I COULD HAVE DONE BETTER

gotten a quicker start.
not done the quickbooks expense item when i needed to prep for client.

THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR (everything i "did well" comes from god, either thru gifts he's given me or the way he's transformed me)

Client went great--some of this is luck, but i am grateful for the impression it left.
That i was on plan most of the day.
That tue & wed were bad, but God is teaching me "damage control" -- dont let the mistakes of the past have any more negative effects than they already have had (thru guilt, morbid reflection, beating myself up, punishing myself, escapism). This feels truly like a miracle.

My desk is looking like a tip again, and people are chasing me for letteres and reports.  This afternoon's tasks are to clear/sort file everything on the desk and to deal with the two most urgent reports (when i have found the files)

• right hand pile
• left hand pile
• overflowing in-tray
• K's report
• J's letter

H.

Show up (done), exer, plan

Nice starter Jalla thx you, grateful

'He will cover you with His feathers, And under His wings you will find refuge.' (Psalm 91:4)
 

Checking in from work. I have a lot of avoidance-creating work to do today, and I can already feel my attention turning to anything and everything else I could be doing.

• Send quarterly report to B
• Debtors listing to B
• Missing hours checklist for HS
• HH summary of hours for HS
• Send HH and NCS summaries
• Call RH re: HH chq
• Investigate and correct BNP issue
• Do 5 CC calls. doesn't matter who they are, just do them.

Please do not leave advice or feedback.  Thank you.  Prayers welcome. 

Ideally I'd like to commit to longer than 21 days of exercise, but this
is a length of time I have satisfied on at least one prior occasion, so I
will start with what I know is possible for me to do.  The commitment
is thirty minutes of exercise before midnight of any of the following
format: running, jogging, a combination of running-walking-jogging,
swimming, walking, attending a fitness class (something that requires me
to leave the house), stationary biking, biking, dance class, aerobic
class, yoga, karate (or other martial arts).  I am doing this because:

1. I feel that running or exercise will force me to own up to other
   commitments in my life, because challenges in the running sphere force
   me to have other commitments in my life met so that I can exercise
   unimpeded and feel good that my investment in myself is going somewhere.
2. I want to feel good about myself when I go outside, and
3. I don't trust myself to exercise at the end of the day or at some
   point before midnight unless I make the commitment here to do it.  
4. I want to move forward with my running/jogging plan to be able to
   run/jog for 30 minutes at a time.  I want to run a marathon at the end
   of this year or January of next.  (I have always wanted to run the
   Honolulu Marathon; I don't even know if this is something I can do, but I
   want to do it.)  I have year after year pledging to do another marathon
   and have not, b/c I did not make headway on my running plan.
5. Being accountable to others by making a commitment here, helps me to be accountable to myself. 
6. The objective is to stick to the running plan by doing at least one
   training unit per day of the 28-week running plan I came up with, which
   is a slower version of the eight-week Rodale run/walk plan.  
7. practicicing being on time with this commitment, will assist me in being on time in other areas. 
8. It will also help me to practice willpower for other activities that require energy.
9. Exercise helps me to feel comfortable in what I am doing, b/c I am
   not constantly fidgeting at my desk or feeling like I SHOULD be
   running/swimming/walking or getting out in the sun or that I SHOULD have
   done those things last night.
10. Exericse helps me to avoid feelings of not  being adequate, because
    I have confidence in myself as a person interacting with others.
11. I want to build trust in myself by committing to something small
    that positively affects my whole life.  Since I'm making a promise here
    to do it, that's going to help me to keep my promise to myself so that I
    have faith in myself that at some point during the day I will exericse,
    instead of feeling like crap because I don't even trust myself to get
    to the gym or go on a walk.
12. Exercise makes everything tighter, which makes me feel more comfortable with myself and helps me to be able to live with myself.
13. I want to be able to wear the clothes in my closet, and throw out the ones that are not useful to me.

----------------

I have walked 14 minutes thus far, but I want to do my run/walk today, so that I am prepared for moving forward in my running plan in the next couple days.  But regardless of what I choose to do, I accept that Iam going to do thirty minutes of exercise.  Progress, not perfection.

I want to thank my Higher Power for this program, this website, the telephone and online meetings, and my life.

I want to thank jalla for starting this trend.

Things I will do today

1. Go to the 5:45 a.m. telephone ACA meeting

2. Go to the 6:45 a.m. telephone OA meeting

3. Go to the 7 a.m. telephone DA meeting

4. Take shower

5. Go to the 8:30 a.m. telephone PA meeting

6. Go to the 9 a.m. telephone ACA meeting

7. Go to the 9:45 a.m. telephone  CLA activity line

8. Go to the 11 a.m. telephone PA meeting

9. Go to the 12 noon telephone ACA meeting

10. Go to the 1 p.m. telephone OA meeting

11. Go to the CLA activity line at 1:15

12. Warm up and eat dinner

13. Go to the 3 p.m. telephone CLA meeting

14. Get dressed

15. Fix and eat dinner

16. Go to work at 5:30 p.m. 

17. Go to the 9:30 p.m. telephone CLA meeting

Thanks for letting me share

Thanks jalia!

Weds goes: 

Finish planning M.A.A.N. section of session

Plan FFE and SL section of session

Run through session

Go to library and print off any extra stuff needed

Go to session and run it.