@ Vic -Thanks for post on problem-solving in checkin
Thank you so much for your post.
I run away from problems all the time. Especially ones to do with work or aquiring new clients. As of this moment I am avoiding calling a new client back after he called me following my proposal to do work. I initially avoided it because I didn't want to have the negotiating conversation. Now I am avoiding it because it's been a week and I am so very ashamed that I have come to this point. AND NOT FOR THE FIRST TIME.
How can I face him and what do I say when he asked why I did not call him? He may well be trying to give me work and I am not calling him back. What sort of person does that?
"unresolved problems that intensify the problem and waste time and energy"
This is me. All the time. My whole life. And I am reduced as a person because of it. My fear is all-encompassing. I cannot sleep well, I wake early. I cannot work well on other things. It weaves its way into my life through all sorts of channels and poisons as it goes.
I am so ashamed. And it's just a tiny action I have to take, pick up the phone. But it feels like the biggest, scariest mountain in the world. Or like standing at the edge of a cavern - the sense of vast empty danger is almost palpable.
When will I say enough? When will I have the courage to grasp the thorn and tear it from my side? When will I stop this endlessly self-destructive behaviour?
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Thanks so much for the celebrations. It feels a bit odd because I feel so much better about it now, I cannot imagine why it was so difficult for me.
But of course, here is where I come to be understood by people who have, or are, or will be in a similar mindset to me. Where the obstacles "real or imagined" (thanks Mole) can be overcome.
I honestly have to give my hubby half the credit. I know I should make sure to congratulate myself, but his gentle prodding and sitting by me stopped the fear taking hold. Plus he reminded me how nice the guy was. I know only I am responsible for the making of the call, but I'm not sure I could have done it without him.
And so, onwards.
I MADE THE CALL
I MADE THE DARNED PHONE CALL. WOO HOO!
My DH sat me down and practically dialled the no. for me. Which is what I needed. Someone to hold my hand. Some days, you need the extra extra help. He is a good person, and although doesn't always understand why I can't do some things, he can see when it's upsetting me.
Thanks to everyone who sent me good wishes. It means a lot to have kind words when something is worrying me so much. I now, of course, feel foolish at being so worried. But that is the burden that we procrastinators must bear. Better to be foolish, than facing the abyss!
I'm so glad for you, knitfisher! Congratulations! So happy that DH was able to support you and that *YOU* did it!
Yay Knitfisher - well done on making the call. That is great. You are certainly not foolish!!Well done on the great brave action you took! Delighted for you.
Well done Knitfisher - great to hear one burden gone and I hope the empowerment buoys you up. How, I wonder, can we hang on to the triumph next time some obstacle, real or imagined, looms? I try to think what gets me through and I think it is other people's belief in me rather than any belief in myself. I am very fortunate that they do, and it sounds as if your husband is good support, though I think our struggles are completely incomprehensible to most. Love the support of the people on this site , the understanders, and I am deeply grateful to pro - what an inspiration.
As Hooch so brilliantly stated: "A victory for you is a victory for all of us!"
So happy for you.
is the only place I have found by the grace of my HP, where that which
cannot be understood by anyone, is understood by the people here. There is hope and we are not alone. Keep coming back.
Well done Knitfisher! A victory for you is a victory for all of us!
Thank you, you made my day. If I can offer anyone any hope, I feel like I have some purpose to be on this earth.
I relate 110%, as I am sure many do, that is why we are here, you are not alone, whatever you want to call this "thing" or "combination of issues" we have, there is a way out. It is not a moral issue. There is just a glitch somewhere, but that is ok.
It took me years to use the chatbox, mostly because of shame, fear, not sure if it was safe. However, I found when I do, I usually can get enough body function while in a state of paralysis to do the call and then just type "done" and ck out.
Another tip is to think of PA in terms of "changepower" vs "willpower" . With the tools here you can find ways to change.
Solidarity and keep coming back. Baby steps. Progress not perfection, one day at a time.
I think the compassion here is what I find most surprising and wonderful. So many people here have many issues of their own, and are struggling day by day. But so many have offered words of comfort, of practical help, to me when I needed it. I try and do the same, and also to thank people who've helped me or made me think about my struggle in a different way.
Some days I wish I were a believer in a HP, but every time I come here I find a reason to believe in people and that is good enough.