Friday 4th January 2013

Had a busy day already. Plan for the evening:

Meditation

Study - 4-5 hours (depending on progress) 

3:04pm : it's been 5 min since i last went off plan. I have been doing things on my list, imp things i need to do, but not in order, not planned, not selected. God help me. I feel i have little strength today.

:) 11am ph mtg
:) ci
:) quiet time
:) r task
:) mem card
:) mtg mon
:) send links to emails...
:) pj task

3:29pm : it's been 30 min since i last went off plan. finally! seems good to be back. Wasnt sure it was ever going to happen. Tx god!

4:55pm : it's been 1 min since i last went off plan. Read something low-prio in email. Sigh. New beginning. I'm sad about my failures to stay on plan today.

1:53pm sat : the day ended very poorly.

"You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." - Jeremiah 29:13

That promise seems very far from me, but i know that it is true.

Specific Actions Today: 

• Do 3 with these actions: 10-minute bursts for each part, 1.5 hours total for each one, use timer on phone, pray to God to give me the strength to do the next right thing, keep track of actual time frames it took to complete.

• Apply 1 job with these actions: Review job description, open resume, edit resume to fit job description, open cover letter, edit cover letter to fit job description, review both letter and resume until satisfied, send letter/resume 

• Do another 3 with these actions: 10-minute bursts for each part, 1.5 hours total
  for each one, use timer on phone, pray to God to give me the strength
  to do the next right thing, keep track of actual time frames it took to complete.

AFTER THOSE 3 ARE COMPLETE:

-Start compiling lists: employment agencies, jobs in my current field, jobs in new field

-Start writing small actions to take with each of those lists 

THROUGHOUT THE DAY TODAY AS NEEDED: 

• BREATHE
• PRAY
• READ 2 BIG BOOKS  

"I admit that I am powerless over others, my family, what a family member did to me as a child, and that my life has become unmanageable"

"I came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity."

"I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand him."

I TRUST GOD TO TAKE CARE OF ME TODAY.

Thank you MovingAlong and LV for that starter, it is very encouraging.

Despite numerous phone meetings for another group, a face to face meeting for another new group, I am still floundering. Significant other is on the fence with me at the moment. My problems are proving to be too large for me to fix on my own. All it seems I can do right now is pray to God and take the next right action. 

I must rise up or I will fall apart. I've already been through the worst, and now this week I finally realized that I was sexually abused as a young child. It explains basically every one of the many problems/issues I've had for a lifetime. I fit at least one-third to one-half of the symptoms lists I've been researching. 

I believe the abuse that happened to me that I can't consciously remember but know happened is responsible for my hermetic way of life, avoiding and procrastinating. I must rise out of this. Now that I have AWARENESS of the CAUSE, I trust that my Higher Power will lead me to the healing I've chased for so long. I don't have to wonder why I'm such a mess anymore. 

Today, I need to work. I also need to apply for a job. I need to do this while I have a roof over my head, again. 

Thank you for being here, PA. 

Will post my to-do list in another post.

RisingUp 

1. make breakfast/lunch

2. clean dishes

3. load of laundry

4. shower and dressed

5. out of the house!

Other to-do's for today:

-outdoor family activity

-some sort of clean up in house (christmas stuff, presents, goodwill trip- please give me courage to actually give stuff away!)

-resolution course homework 

Show up (done), cal, exer

Thanks for starter moving.coming here helps me with those. One "to do" item I need to add is "ask for help" I spent 2 days trying to straighten out cell phone my son messed up and I just messed it up more. Need to go to store and ask for help. as well as bookend help, chat box help, cla help, etc. etc. thanks for being here.

Happy Friday!   Yesterday was a really good day, but I'm off to a slow start today.  I have been to the gym, read email and checked calendar, but now I'm just kinda sitting around drinking coffee.   I will make my todo list now!   I'm in the office so I won't post it here, but I'll check back if I get stuck.

Have an enjoyable and productive day everyone! 

Let your purpose rule your day - Steve Chandler

HAPPY NEW YEAR, everyone!
and thank you movingalong for the threadstarter :-)

It's been a while.  A vacation, and then a stomach virus, and then caring for my BF while he had the stomach virus... yes.  So now I think there might be JUST ENOUGH semblance of space today to try my routines again.  I've missed the companionship of this forum while I've been gone, and find it so motivating to be back!

Progress, not perfection.
Consistency over emergencies.
Do the thing that feels healthy, not "shouldy" or escapist.
____________________

Check-in @ P.A.
Process my inbox completely

journal
meditate 15 mins.
shower/dress

Complete 1 cycle of 15 minutes each of:
-- dishes
-- clean
-- back exercise/practice
-- massage

If there’s time after I complete what’s listed above, I will select 2 activities and cycle them in 15 minute bursts.

Things I did well today:
-- I noticed the urge to procrastinate (twice so far) and also noticed that it happened so that I could avoid bad feelings. A major WIN.

-- I can see that I don't "improve myself" through slapping on concentration through force, through FIXING; if I instead let go of the layers that I've acquired which are not useful, my inherent nature is still and spacious.  If I let myself come out, I am enough.  I've known this intellectually but in the past week or so I've felt its truth resonate through my personal experience.

Things I can improve on:
-- Processing my inbox.  What can I say... still tired from being sick and then caring for a sick one.  I'm cutting myself some slack.
-- I habitually assume that I influence events and people for the worse.  As my BF asked today, "Isn't thinking like that tiring?"  Yes, it is.

3 things I’m grateful for:
1)  Being hungry again.
2)  PROCRASTINATORS ANONYMOUS! :-)
3)  Meditation.
4)  Sunlight on tables in coffee shops.
5)  Baking.

__________________________

"Do I prefer to grow up and relate to life directly, or do I choose to live and die in fear?"
-- Pema Chodron

Not got long before I have to leave today. Me and DH spent yesterday eve on Skype and phone to people so we're a bit behind to leave for our break this weekend.

Today I will (as much as possible before I leave this morning): 

• Shower
• Washing on
• Pack me
• Pack things for both of us (food,chargers,snacks,boots,devices)
• Wrap few presents
• Wash up
• Empty DW
• Finish invoicing
• Do 2 poms of work if you can
• Leave for hospital at 9.45
• Collect package from PO
• Hang washing
• Make dinner at 5.30