Sunday, October 21st, 2012

Thank you for starting your posts with gratitude and thanks, both of you who wrote check-in post today.

Today I woke up early as I shared yesterday I am wanting to do, very early, i.e. 4.11 am, so I am getting to the point of getting up between 3 and 4 am. It is supposed to be an auspicious tme for getting up, and I am in search of all the luck and positivity I can get for foing this article. The deadline is today. I am still working on it. I am counting on an extension, hereby creating 1 week as sufficient extension fo rme to get it done. It is the 1st article I have ever written (justabout...), properly, in this Phd, it is due to be reviewed in a few weeks and published in a book. I am angry this morning, at least I was before I saw those 2 posts before me, for the fact that I am in this situation, and needing to learn how to write a research paper while I actually do it, and write something publisheable, I have a lot of resentment for being in this situation, and not being guided better by my supervisor, or by the people in the project, I feel like I have been left to my own devices, and I just trusted them. I need to learn how to do this myself, and do it, and stay with an empowering context. 

Today I did my yoga practice and meditation and prayer, i.e. my morning routine, now it is 6:31 am, I have just been reading about how to write the findings sections of s research report, and I am going to do that. i would like to have tables and figures and so on, but need to actually categorise the findings. I am annoyed at my supervisor who in my opinion is very much a cutting corners person, I mean he thought it was sufficient to discuss the interviews we did together (2) i the car on the way back from the interview, and he calls that analysis? ! I accepted it at the time, not knowing any better, but now I am angry, having read through these research reports and realising how much more is required to do rigorous research. I need to think about what I am goign to say to him, I am not wanting to damage our relationship, of course I cannot change him- serenity to accept the things I cannot change- but really- this is not good enough. He is very supportive and *nice*, however I need good scientific guidance. I kind of accepted before I would have to teach myself, as I realised the way he is, however right now I am not in a positive frame of mind about this. 

In any case I commit to writing my first draft of the findings section today, reminding mysef that I was working it yesterday for 3 hours and reminding myself that the work I did has worth, and is not worthless. I will write the findings section by means of 2 sections of 3 hrs, maximum. Thereafter I will set some more achievable goals, either related to Discussion section, or Lit.rev. section.

I will dedicate my tasks to my hp, and remind myself often of right motivation for doing this, being of service, rather than for my selfish ego. Right motivation will keep me positive, moving forward, working to be of service, and enable me to trust my abilities and do my best. 

Thanks for being here.

Calypso