Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.
Procrastination is the grave in which opportunity is buried.
10.20.12 CI Babarino
15 minute declutter (done)
e list (done)
clement ci
from CODA Step 4 writing (Adapated from AA):
this is what has always drawn me to PA. In AA it's not the alchohol. In PA it's not the procrastination. That is a very painful and persistent symptom. But it is really just the symptom.
AA says the core problem is
That is so consistent with where i feel that God wants to take me that it almost gives me goosebumps.
AA's take is very powerful, but very subtle.
It is NOT that we work to make ourselves better people.
It is NOT that we work to overcome addition.
It IS that we work to remove the "patterns" in which we have always thought and lived, that have BLOCKED GOD from doing the healing work in us.
That's subtle. It involves both work and grace in a very interesting way. I do think that's quite close to the secret.
I guess i would think that even in the unblocking of ourselves we need Gods grace there too.
But i'm afraid in a few days i will forget this realization. I've had it a couple times before, i now remember, but it always slips from my mind.
...
Now, as for my day today. I dont have the power to force myself to do what i have to do...
Had my quiet time. By God's grace.
Now i dont have the strength to do the next thing. Or go "love" like 1 Corintians 13 said to do.
Well i did another thing on my list. Important thing.
Now i dont have the strength to do the next thing.
1:30pm
the phone check-ins help me. I dialed in but they dont really happen on the wknds so non was there. So i'll just do it here:
i've had a hard time getting going this morning. Feel incredibly stuck and weak. but i did manage to get 3 things done. That feels impossible. I attribute god's grace to that.
And now my big task awaits. Hours. And i think i feel inside me a resigned-ness to do it. I assume that is god working. So i will step out in faith and try to do this thing...
fall down seven times, get up eight - japanese proverb
(clem)
I agree and for me not only
"BLOCKED GOD from doing the healing work in us." but also through us
Step 7 prayer
My Creator, I am now willing
that you should have all of me,
good and bad.
I pray that you now remove from me
every single defect of character
which stands in the way of
my usefulness to you and my fellows.
Grant me strength,
as I go out from here,
to do your bidding.
Amen.
yeah, i like that prayer!
fall down seven times, get up eight - japanese proverb
You can do it Clement
HI Clement,
Thanks for your interesting material you put in your post today.
Wishing you enjoyment and getting fulfilment of every kind spiritual-personal- you name it from doing what you promised yourself to do today.
Best
Calypso
thanks calypso ( clement ci )
358pm
so i did the first big part of the big task. I have stress in my chest as i write this. I am getting no satisfaction or sense of achievement from it.
But what did i learn today? This : God, i dedicate that task to you. I dedicate the rest of that task to you.
Hmmm.... i better check on something.
405pm
it was fine. a "did i leave the stove on" moment. no.
438pm
ok pseudo phone ckin : since 3:30 i started the big part of the task. And i realized that i could dedicate each task to god, which is just a statement i make in my head. and that might prepare my mind to maintain contact with god thruout the task, and thruout the day. i would like that very much.
And so, now i have 1 more clearly defined task to do. then one later. probably right after. So i will commit to doing those things.
I dedicate this next task to you, god.
629pm
This dedicating to god is working. I dedicated the last 2 tasks to god and they were easier and i thot about him more thruout them. Felt different.
Now i dedicate this next task R to him.
8:04pm
ok that task is done. for now. i dedicated that task to god. And when i forgot something, and had to go back inside, and felt incredible stress and resistance, i dedicated the task to god again, and it took the edge off. That's all it did, but i was grateful for that.
Ok i dedicate this next S task to you, o lord.
8:07pm
Ok there was nothing to do there. What shall my next task be? something long neglected? Lord give me a good task, and i will dedicate it to you.
fall down seven times, get up eight - japanese proverb
Chattydo - Daily Check In
Well! There is something to be said for considering the cause of procrastination when you appear to the outwardly world to be sufficiently motivated in some areas of your life. I do not appear to struggle too much, if at all when I am at work (law firm). However, at home in my personal life - it is an entirely different thing. I can't seem to get motivated to do the things that matter most to me (or at least the things that I have told myself matter most to me). To this end, my shrink has advised that I must implement structure into my evening hours and take into account that my body needs refueling after a grueling day of "being on it" and then navigating Los Angeles traffic all the way home. What he suggested is that when I walk in the door.....I eat and sit down to watch tv because I need to refuel - he analogized it to a gas station - you pull in, grab a hose, and refuel your body. The key to focus on this week is that there are other ways to refuel besides eating and watching tv. Like working out. The work out will provide energy if done 3-4 hours prior to bed. After the workout, then work on the projects that mean something to me in my personal life.
So! I have committed to having a gym bag by the front door each night before I go to bed. I have committed to monitoring my food intake at work, so that I have fuel for the workout on the way home. In doing those couple of steps, I will simultaneously mark off two things on my to-do list, because dieting and working out is always on my to-do list. I have decided to alter the way I do my to-do list so that it is a little more forgiving. Everything on my list absolutely needs to be done. Nothing frivilous on there. But, the deadlines are arbitrary. I have for this week, decided to allow myself to carry housework tasks over to the next day or delegate. The essential things have to be identified and done daily. At least that is my thought process. So, here goes for today:
Essential
Hike Malibu Creek State National ParkCharacter Evidence Procedure Graph
Read Hearsay pages
Hearsay Procedure Graph - rescheduled
Policy Procedure Graph - rescheduled
Prop 8 - rescheduled
Privileges Read, if time - do procedure graph - rescheduled
Desirable
Downstairs bathroom
Upstairs bathroom
Vacuum bedroom
Closet
Unplanned
Making lunch
I forgot I had tickets to playhouse tonight! Have to leave in 2 1/2 hours.
Reschedule my to-do list.
kromer 10: 15 CI
Today I need to:
*Paint half my room*Answer online dating msgs
*Laundry*Review
*Finish career plan
*Check on expts
*Start geno (will do this soon)
*Practice collection
*Go to friend's party
*Write 2 pgs (working on this now)
Vic October 20, 2012 Saturday
Show up (done), calender, exercise
Did most of my chat box ck ins yesterday, on cla action line today
Saw bio on L.DiVinci- he was definitely "one of us"
Calypso's check-in
This morning I have done my morning routine, which includes meditation, prayer, and syaing out loud a list of gratitudes and incantations, and this was followed by cleaning my kitchen, bathroom and floors to make them look sparkly and beautiful so I can work well today.
A friend told me recently that getting up between 3 and 4 am is an auspicious time to get up, according to Buddhist practices, it is a good time to do meditation and work. I thought I might try this, as I am now at a stage of great pressure to produce written work, and am resorting to all kinds to be productive, especially not forgetting maintaining my relationship with hp and being in service of hp. I thought it would not be a bad idea to try and get up between 3 am and 4 am, to give me positive start, and I didnt want to work late into the night last night. So last night I went to bed at midnight. I heard the alarm clock go off at 3.30 am but i didnt get up. It went off several times after that. However I got up at 10 am, then did my morning routine, and then cleaned house and had breakfast. So I will do a little prayer asking for forgiveness for not honoring my word and getting up when I said I would, and now again create my day. What I will do today now is:
1) work on findings section of article
2) work on discussion section of article
3) work on general lit review part.
It feels to me that there is a lot at stake since the official deadline is tomorrow, however I will be able to have another week (extension). This is going to be put in a book as a book chapter, I need to stay away from not feeling good enough to do this, as all I need to focus on is being creative, in service, and courageous and focused today. I am aware of my feeling of dread, however I am summoning courage by staying in contact with my hp, and throughout the day and as I write, do hp's will not mine. I will have 3pm, 6pm, and 9pm as moments to change those 3 tasks throughout the day, and will work in short timeperiods, and stay present with what I am achieving, keeping an empowering context, remembering how far I have come, and that I have learned so much already.
Have a great day, thanks for being here.
Calypso
staying in contact with my hp
calypso,
It struck me, what you said, "staying in contact with my hp, and throughout the day and as I write, do hp's will not mine."
As it so happens, this is precisely where i feel like God has been leading me, but i'm not sure how to take a step to get there. How do you do it?
I feel like as i do my tasks i am thinking "they have to be done," not "i am serving God." I would like to think the latter. And when i fall short i am consumed by my own failure, rather than asking forgiveness, and thinking about the next opportunity to serve Him.
I am having trouble putting what i believe into practice. Maybe you have something God intends me to learn.
fall down seven times, get up eight - japanese proverb
thank you Clement
Hi Clement
What i have recently started doing is dedicating things to my hp before i do them. This counts for things like yoga practice. Also counts for meals. Also counts for writing tasks. I figure if I do things out of motivation to serve a cause greater than myself, and to serve hp, then it has more power.
It is all new to me by the way, I just started discovering 12 step programme seriously in April this year, but have found the methodology really great, and it has especially a profound effect on spiritual development, I have found.
Thanks so much for your posting Clement, just saw it, and really appreciate it, as have been working on my own today all day long on this writing this piece.
Best
Calypso
dedicate things to my hp before i do them
"dedicate things to my hp before i do them"
i can do that.
I have my ipod that i set reminders in. I can set one to remind myself to do this. I will do that.
This has the quality to me that i am asking god to enable me to stay in contact with him throughout the task. If it were up to me to say in contact with him, i could not do it. But i can ask at the beginning for him to help me do it.
This idea has that special quality that it requires no effort. At least for me. I can certainly ask. That's easy. Similar to being willing to be willing. Sometimes we can't do it. Sometimes we aren't even sure we want to do it. But usually we know that we want to want to do it. If we have even that faith, even as small as a mustard seed, then God can take it from there.
We'll see....
fall down seven times, get up eight - japanese proverb
re: dedicate things to my hp before i do them
I think this is a great idea too!
I'm listening to church service online and just heard this: when you dedicate to HP, you're still doing it all, but when you give it to HP, that's when HP's power really comes through. Interesting ... :)
hp's power
yeah, that's the same idea. It's quite affirming and encouraging to me to see this idea now in several places!
fall down seven times, get up eight - japanese proverb
Thank you Lavida
This is good and important to know. Thank you.
Calypso
Encouragement for Calypso
I just wanted to wish you luck and send you encouragement across the ether. Keep at it! I had a similar start this morning - falling asleep again. It's important not to feel downhearted because of that.
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." (Anais Nin)
Thanks so much Salamander.
Thanks so much Salamander. Appreciate it very much indeed.
Best
Calypso.
Good luck Calypso.
You sound very balanced and focussed on what is important in life.
I am sure this attitude will strengthen you in achieving your goal of finishing the article.
Forgiveness also sounds good considering getting-up time. (Perhaps if you want to get up at such an early hour you need to also go to bed earlier to have at least 6 hours sleep? When did the Buddhists go to bed?) Nice work on cleaning.
Wishing you all the focus you need today.
Best,
Wolke
Thanks Wolke
Thanks so much Wolke. You are right about going to bed earlier and about minimum of 6 hrs:) Reflects my tendency to set unrealistic goals, which are not empowering, cos by not achieving self-set goals, not doing much towards developing belief in one's own capacities. Something I am working on (learning to set attainable goals and actually attaining them).
Best
Calypso
Hypatia's check-in
not starting well this Saturday - had trouble even dragging myself out of bed. it's beautiful weather and just right for doing the garden, but I'm sitting at the computer in my dressing gown playing a game.
OK plan for today
Garden
plant daffodilsweed borderput down barkOther
feed catsshop for foodafter that if there's any time left I'll take stock.
H.
ms saturday
make 1 video at seat with self carerunspeak to g about seminar.reply to m emailMy Day Today
I want to thank my Higher Power for this program, this website, the telephone and online meetings, and my life.
I want to thank amal for starting this trend.
Things I will do today
1. Go to the 5:45 a.m. telephone ACA meeting2. Eat breakfast3. Go to the food bank4. Put groceries away5. Go to the 11:15 a.m. telephone DA meeting6. Scan computer
7. Cook and eat lunch8. Test blood sugar twice
9. Prayer and meditation
10. Read the meditations11. Read the EA reflection12. Wash up13. Get dressed14. Wash dishes15. Calll a 12-Stepper to talk about a PRG
16. Eat dinner17. Go through mail18. Do housecleaning
19. Go to the 6:45 p.m. telephone OA meeting20. Go to the 7:30 p.m. face to face NA meeting21. Go to the 10 p.m. online EA meetingThanks for letting me share
Lavida CI Sat. 10/20
Not Saturday yet here, but figured I'd get a head start ..
Was not able to get any writing done at all on Friday, so I took a rest on the couch to figure out what was wrong ...
Putting too much pressure on myself, and the demand resistance kicked in again. I also realized that there are certain negative things about my job that I will just have to accept, sort of a worst-case scenario, just so I can have serenity.
I have to accept that more than likely it will take a full week to get my payment after submitting them. I can't get fearful and angry if editors hold my work over deadline. They often do, and it's just part of the job. Waiting one week is not so bad.
Also, I have to accept that there are times I will waste time on a topic that proves to be fruitless and I'll have to toss it. Again, part of the job. I need to pad that in.
In another topic ... why is it that the more I plan a schedule, the more I don't do it? I must have changed my hourly schedule 10 times, and ended up not doing any of the work or job search!!!! I do not know how to time-record in an effective way. I just cannot keep to a schedule. I guess I need to deal with this in my other program.
That's all for now.
EleanorBE's Saturday List
Thanks Amal!
All I have to do for Sat is
-
Read 10-20 ps of J's work
- Write small section of intro.
After that I'm off for the weekend.
Amal's check-in
Alarm set 7:30am
Pro check-in
BR
write
aand b , still need to do blog calories (diet)walk (1 hour)BR
next day's list + Pro check-ou
Salamander's check in - Sat 20 Oct '12
Thank you, amal, for starting this thread. :laugh:
I'd prefer people not to offer comments here so that I can continue to edit the day as I go through my list. But if anyone has constructive feedback or encouragement to offer, please feel free to get in touch by private message.
Alarm set: 0800- YAY! Got up! Booo! Fell asleep on the sofa instead! Grrr!
BreakfastGo and get Cat Litter!!!!!!Then
Change cat traysCook dhalTake naan bread from freezerAnd
Clear up floor in dining areaClear dining room table"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." (Anais Nin)