Slowly Giving Up
I have almost given
up. I don’t believe I can change anymore. I’m not even new to this site. I
signed up ages ago, but obviously stopped posting after a short period of time.
The funny thing is many
people think I’m a successful person. I’m well-educated and fairly intelligent.
I’m basically financially independent as I managed to get lucky with an
internet business I started some years ago.
In addition to that I’m starting a new project with a friend now, so
from the outside it all looks wonderful.
What people don’t know is that
I’m sick of my life. Really. I can’t do anything. I just feel stuck. Unable to
move. Unable to act.
I’ve been able to observe a
typical pattern in my life. It basically goes like this:
I have three-four days
where I’m able to do a reasonable amount of work. Then it steadily goes downhill from there as I start procrastinating a
little bit, neglecting some of my daily obligations.
After a week or so, I end up lying on the couch almost all day,
using my laptop, clicking from one website to another (especially Facebook and
Youtube). Just leaving the house to pay bills and buy groceries seems like an
Then in the midst of all
that misery and feeling of disgust with my own laziness/procrastination, I
decide enough is enough. So I make some sort of a plan. Sometimes I’ve made
written plans, detailing how to combat this problem, including writing a
journal to keep track of my procrastination. Often I just decide that I’ll
change tomorrow. The oral commitments are just a joke, they never last more
than a couple of days. The written plans usually last a little longer (from one
week to a maximum of four weeks), but the outcome is obviously the same. I
start procrastinating a little bit, neglecting some of my obligations. And
then…. Well, back to where I was before.
Now I’m obviously in a
stage of full-blown procrastination again, sick and tired of my life. The worst
thing is that I’ve tried to combat this problem for so many years that I’m starting
to seriously doubt if it’s possible. I keep thinking that it ought to be so
incredibly simple, but for some reason it’s not. I’ve tried everything. To-do
lists, daily check-ins, a personal coach, written plans, journals and so on.
I guess my last shot will
be some sort of cognitive behavioral therapy, even though some people here
have said they had limited results with it. But what else can I do? Just give up?
I’m not willing to do that yet, but I’m honestly quite pessimistic. Any suggestions are appreciated.
to all of my fellow procrastinators out there – I wish you the very best.