Please do not leave advice or feedback. Thank you. Prayers welcome.
Been folowing through with my ground rules, because simply
not stalking is not enough in order to get and feel healthy. The healthy boundary I established for myself on Wednesday:
Perhaps I should even reward myself, if I "do good" so to speak. Yes, sounds like a good idea.
Things I would like to do, whether or not I can actually do them, so that I can keep in mind what my goals are:(it's in blue if I attended to it today)
1) to commit to 30 minutes of studying per day for school, using my clock to time myself and get started
2) exercise for 30 minutes each day, in order to start my goal of doing a running plan, so that I can do the 5K in May.
3) avoid skin-picking and pulling
4) Figure out if I can still get credit for past course work
5) fix my sleeping schedule, and show up on time for my classes.
6) attain the right thesis adviser for me
7) take the GRE's again
8) Get a part-time job that works with my school schedule and enables me
to feel financially secure and independent, preferably in my industry
of computing or in math, the area of my research. (Applied to jobs.)
9) Brush and floss my teeth before bed, and sleep in my bed at night. It takes about an hour to do this.
10) Go to one OSPA or PA meeting, one SLAA meeting and one CoDA meeting
per week. (I think it's enough to go to four meetings per week, even
though I'm in four programs.)
11) Read my affirmations and goals, especially my goals,because it helps me to know where I'm going.
12) Get back to step work with "a" sponsor.
better late than never...
"My boundaries enclose a pleasant land." Psalm 16
Show up (done), calender, basics
"Promises of Procrastinators Anonymous":
it's amazing how this sounds so true to a very profound level in each of us. Your writing hit me hard. Thank you. It's going to be an amazing day.
Fear is only a thought and as a thought you can ignore it.
Got caught up in my computer, once again a chain reaction caused by oversleeping and a few logistic fails.
Well, I'm back in the grind I guess. Back in the old habits. But I'll plan my day tomorrow and try to keep my focus on the bigger picture, instead of the problems right ahead.
Friday 9.45 am
Thanks for the starter, Mesmer, and welcome!
Here I am all ready to work but desparately wanting to avoid the MIT (an overdue work project). This has been going on for A LONG TIME. I really want to finish it and get my life back. It seems very difficult, but part of me knows I can do it. Even though I seem to be running a lot of background stuff about not being good enough.
Trying to remember that I will feel better if I start.
Friday 6.10 pm
Today I did nearly 4 hours worth of timed 15 mins on the MIT!
Doesn't sound like a lot but so much better than I usually manage, especially on this project.
It's certainly not finished, but I feel a lot better and maybe can manage some work on the weekend.
Thanks to all who supported me in the chat box.
What a wonderful online community we have here - I am very grateful.
After nearly two months of stalling I have finally installed the headlight on my car. I had the bulb for over a month but instead of putting it in I drove with high beams on whenever I absolutely had to drive at night. Normally I would simply not drive. I'm not proud at all, just a little less ashamed for not having this project hanging over my head, consuming my thoughts.
- "A procrastinator's work is never done."
Ha- that is so funny, I thought I was the only one that did that.... I was more afraid of getting stopped and fined then ashamed of not doing it. Wonder what that means? Vic
i know how embarassing it can be to admit these things we got done that other people do without even a thought. But damn all that. For us it is a victory! It is a sign of recovery and i am very happy for you!
(funny, i need to give myself the same pep talk often. :P)
fall down seven times, get up eight - japanese proverb
The upside to overcoming these prolonged projects is that smaller ones become simpler. Hopefully things will be more automatic in the days to come.
Checking in during a break between Tomatoes. God, this feels so great. *Pray Pray*
- Cooked enough food for 1 day.
- Cleaned kitchen and do dishes after breakfast.
- Sit down to do 1 tomatoe of Pd.
Phew, 10 tomatoes, I completed 10 tomatoes! This makes 250 min = 4.something hours :D.
Thanks, G@d, thanks to this site, thanks for the person I live with, thanks to the contributors in PA. *pray pray*
3:30 Begin ear training practice
5:00 set up bass
5:30 practice bass
7 or 8 go to get your bookbag from the music place.
Good wishes to all for your day!
I want to feel even better about how I use time, today, than how I feel about my time use of yesterday. So:
I choose accomplishment in reality over escape, today, particularly in these ways:
(I did OK on the puzzle and reading-by-eye choices, but changed my mind about listening choices after 23:15--I had a bunch of stuff to put away from dance class and decided to listen to some fiction to help myself along with doing that. It did feel helpful, but I also did stay up quite late, even for a dance class night. Right now, I feel like I'm leaning toward being glad I made the change. But it feels more like a short-term patch than a decent ongoing strategy.)
Done (or Done Enough) on Thursday, 02/16/12:
confirm that yesterday's library renewal went through
brush teeth and splint
job work: initial email pass and spreadsheet update
preliminary research re Havi Brooks and her play and thought possibilities
order Shiva Nata starter kit
email check-in buddy
job work: draft reply/replies to various bug emails
mail phone bill payment
job work: finish first-drafting new section
job work: weekly status report and wiki update
job work: commit and rebuild
start gathering costume and warm-up stuff by 18:45 (I was somewhat late starting this, but it was due to job work progress, so I feel OK about it)
aim to leave for dance class by 19:15 (ditto)
15 minutes of Qi Gong exercises (at dance class during individual warm-ups)
job work: check build results and announce availability to main reviewer
10 minutes of clear-out progress (recycled a few more old catalogs/magazines)
read a bit in SOME library book (more Language of Letting Go)
take bedtime Rx
Made Progress on Thursday, 02/16/12:
check-in and bookending at P.A.
respond to photo questions
Not Significantly Done on Thursday, 02/16/12:
job work: incorporate more reviewer comments
try getting syndication of The Fluent Self blog
print photo for plant Q to neighbor
make progress on zine writing
aim to be in bed by 23:30
Having trouble getting to bed at the proper time. It's been 2 and 3 in the morning, mostly.
1) Get penny sleeves
2) Fill them up and go to bank
3) Ratchet search or return kit and purchase new one
4) Headlight installation
5) Gas? Gym?
6) Meet JM 1400
7) Research jobs (~10 minutes)
8 ) Volunteer jobs search
9) Pet care
11) Practise chanter
--12) CL listing tomorrow
In the office today after a nice day off yesterday. Today I have a post-birthday hangover. Not from alcohol, but from junk food and laziness. Over the past few days I have eaten pizza, candy, cake, soda, etc.; and indulged myself in junky behavior too - sleeping a lot, playing video games, watching a lot of TV. I deserved the break and I thoroughly enjoyed it, but the party is over and now it is time to pay the piper. Today I have a headache and I do not feel like working, but here I am, and here we go!
I have been to the gym, read email, and made my todo list. Time to start turning those 'todos' into 'DONEs' .
Be confident. Stay focused. One thing at a time.
After my disturbing "discoveries" noted earlier, I am forced to do yet another re-think of my situation and my altogether too-vague "mission," as it were. If I am getting 3 hours' worth of work done in 14 hours, where is the rest of the time going? I can only conclude it is leaking away through procrastination large and small. I am all for being gentle with myself, but not to the point of self-enabling self-destructive behavior. On top of that, if someone, for whatever motivations, light or dark, has decided to keep an electronic eye on everything I do (seems so bizarre to me; perhaps I am naive), it is in the interest of my own self-preservation, as well as my pride in my work, not to feed grist to the mill. So I will try yet again.
Goal 1: Work in 30 minute blocks, an idea I keep going back to.
Goal 2: Work two 30-minute blocks (2 cases) back-to-back without distractions. Take a 15 minute break between focused hour sessions. Anything that needs doing, do it then.
Goal 3: Strive for 7 hours' worth of actual work per day, not just time at work. Working 7 x 1 hour focused sessions, along with 8 x 15 minute breaks, which can still be work-related, and maybe 45 minutes each for breakfast and lunch makes for a 10.5 hour day that would be *so* much more satisfying than my current fruitless plod.
Goal 4: Scale non-work internet way back. Blowing off steam by mindlessly looking at email or news isn't getting me anywhere. And if some person were to track my time online, that would not paint a positive picture of me. A little time here at the PA site to get myself together, plus the rare item that truly can't wait until evening, will be so much better than my current generous "padding" of procrastination around every task I work on.
Goal 5: Keep a positive outlook. If I can right the ship, it will be harder for detractors to make a case against me. It will also be easier for me when I inevitably look for somewhere else to go, hopefully under my own steam and on my own timetable.
Looks good on paper. Can I make it reality? One step at a time, I guess. Back to it.
as for your 3 of 14, obviously i was not there so i dont know what happened. I can tell you that i have suffered from both of these opposites:
1. literally wasting 80% of my day. Scratch that, even 100%.
2. grossly underestimating my contribution because of guilt or because of LEGITIMATE delays or because the work was legitimately hard or time consuming. I am only now being able to distinguish between legitimate delays and self-inflicted delays in my own life.
Regardless, you approach to get back to it seems right on. I hope and pray it will go well fo you.
Feeling kind of behind today, but at least I'm earlier than normal.
Today I need to:
Scheduled: Blood donation, mtg w/ adviser, CCDA cafe
Check on expts, do cm (made great progress on this)
Prep presentation on R10 expr pattern
Schedule for next week (have made a little progress on this)
I've been away for a while, and now I'm back.
The Big Four
Keep in touch
Very apropos image for me today! 2 questions before I skulk off.
1. How can it be that I can put in a 14 hour day and leave dog-tired, but looking back over what I did yesterday realize it's 3 hours' worth of work?
2. Why would a supervisor - but not *my* supervisor be looking at each and every one of my pending cases online several times a day? Very creepy and paranoia-inducing. It does leave an electronic trail, but I am not aware of any rule explicitly forbidding anyone from doing this.
That happens to me with math, like today I was planning to accomplish 4.1 in 2-3 hours (uhhh it turned out it was like 8 hr study session! for one section, but I learn my stuff) There's no time to do more than 2 today, but I am doing fine.
What I did that killed my time was watching youtube from 7-930, and then I watch the Lion King in between, and just little time binges here and there. It's amazing how it adds up!
Dog tired... natural process of the body, and so much mental exertion to do things.
I want to thank my Higher Power for this program, this website, the telephone and online meetings, and my life.
I want to thank Mesmer for starting this trened.
Things I will do today
1. Tast my blood sugar three times.
2. Go to the 5:45 a.m. telephone ACA meeting
3. Eat breakfast
4. Take shower
5. Get dressed
6. Go to group therapy at 9 a.m.
7. Go to individual therapy at 10:15 a.m.
8. Go to the library and return books
9. Eat lunch
10. Pay bills
11. Do numbers
12. Get my medicine ready for the next two weeks
13. Eat dinner
14. Go to the 8 p.m. telephone OA meeting
15. Go to the 9 p.m. online EA meeting
Thanks for letting me share
5:45am Up, take puppy for Long walk, feed puppy, snack breakfast, check email & internet, took meds.
Post office will open at 8am. Not sure I want to go that early, re uptown traffic and all. Put Package Claim cards in purse, so I will have them with me when I do go. Plan: get packages, then go to grocery store.
Last night I got a passing grade (80) on my continuing education course final exam. Next Monday I start the new mini-semester to re-take the other course I failed previously ;) Will have to make some Flash Cards for it.
Playing dolls is part of my To-Do list today, so I think I will do that first! ;)
8:50am. Successful doll de-boxing, re-dressing, and photoshoots. Next: it is almost time to brave the traffic to go to the uptown post office. Maybe a lil snack will give me enough of a little boost to go ...
10:30am. Back home. Picked up package at post office (turned out to be only one package), then bought a few provisions. With traffic, bureaucracy & all, my agoraphobia is acting up. Anyway, that's why I waited until a day when I didn't have any other appts (other than a class tonight) Eating a snack has helped a bit; a nap later should help, too; and maybe just a Getting Over Stuff attitude change: let it go. Contemplating whether to call sponsor in another program; I have time this afternoon if I want to call later.
11am. It's too early for a nap, but I am still trying to re-set from my morning errand, and the puppy wants to take a nap anyway, so I think I will give it a try. It can't hurt!!! ;)
1:15pm. Slowly recovering from bureaucracy. Up from nap, took puppy for a walk, had another snack. Fixing lunch, at this point, is a little beyond me, but I can get a dinner tonight, so I think I will plan for dinner. Considering taking a shower this afternoon, but tomorrow morning may be better.
4:35pm. Feeling better, almost chipper :) For whatever combination of reasons -- I'll take it!!! :) Soon: take puppy for a walk, before going to dinner & class tonight.
Have a great day, everyone! :)
Thank you, gals & guys, for being here! :)
Thanks for starting Mesmer and for the images.
Woke ill and still in bed. I am bored with being ill.
Up prayer and reflection
And back to bed
Checked emails and posts
Put papers on table away - it is futile lying on my bed looking at the work to do and not feeling up to doing it - if I am resting I need to be resting
Tidied a little in kitchen
Sorted food in fridge so I know what to eat first
Wrote dates in diary
Rest and get better
Deal with post when/if it comes and any more emails etc
If I feel better there is plenty to do
Prayer and reflection
Bed and sleep
I have rested I do not feel better
So prayer and reflection and
Metaphor Mouse! Because playlists are better than tasklists.
Please help me email my mum this week!
And about your later post, moving things to the trainride home...I've also noticed I can bog down after a big victory breakthrough - that happened to me this week too. Guess it's HP's way of keeping us close!
I am Happy For you.
I know you were having a hard time doing the email.
You Even Emailed your Dad WOW!
You are doing so well on this :)
Metaphor Mouse! Because playlists are better than tasklists.
I'm up late tonight, and love this concept.
Anyways for me to-do today.
1. Water fast edit: this is hard VISUALIZATION VISUALIZATION is the key
2. Read 4.2; hw), read 4.3 (do homework), read 4.4 (do homework) = 7.5 hours ONLY .... edit: will only do 4.2 and 4.3; 4.2 is done... this is the most progress I made in DAYS... so I am content so far.
3. Re-read unit 3, do unit 3 homework/quiz. Re-do Unit 2 homework (not important). Read unit 4 economics, and then re-read it. = only 5 hours to do this.
4. Wake up at 6 a.m., no later. Take a shower, start on tasks by 6:30! edit: Woke up at 6:00, and it's 6:50 and I am cracking at the books. making progress.
5. Squeeze in time to wash the dishes. After math.
6. Squeeze in time to call up important person, leave a message. No fear.
go to sleep by 10 p.m. tomorrow, wake up by 5 a.m. (start action all over again).
maximum; 13 hours
I am horrible at this. I didn't accomplish half of what I wanted, time binging repeatedly. I will forgive myself and move forward, that's all I can do.
"Yesterday is a cancelled cheque. Tomorrow is a promissory note. Today is the only cash you have, so spend it wisely."
Goals for the rest of the day
1. Set up PW facebook and twitter account
2. Set up new pricing for DU's website
3. Completed Updating prices on BDLND website
4. Start working on Eexelc's website 15 days overdue
5. Post to online class math and business tech
6. Complete Math lessons 3 lessons
7. Send out email with telephone number to customers
Lead me not into distractions or panic, but deliver me from failure. For I am a procrastinator..... Naddy
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