Hello, everyone. I'm new here. I signed up for this site because I've had a pretty messed up time of things, and I don't really have anyone to talk to. I've been hoping somebody here might be able to give me some dvice - maybe someone else has had to deal with similar things.
I think my procrastination is a kind of pathological escapism. Both of my parents are mentally ill and I've always had a lot of family problems. I think that I started shutting the world out because I was trapped in a bad home as a child and it was a survival mechanism. The only way I could get by day by day was to ignore everything. I finally did end up in an emergency mental ward because I was suicidal, and the doctors there said they were astonished that I was still alive at all.
My problem now is that ignoring my life doesn't serve any useful purpose anymore, but it's such a deeply ingrained behavior for me - I've been doing it all my life. And I never learned how to do any of the basic life skills that people normally learn from their parents. My parents are hoarders - the sort of people who fill their house with piles and piles of stuff, until you feel like there walls are literally closing in on you. Hoarders have a pathological need to control absolutely everything in their environment and to never, I mean never ever, allow anything to be thrown away. So I never had any space of my own, not even my own room, and I was never taught to clean or organize anything. Now I have to start my whole life from scratch while going to school and starting a career. It's all so scary that I just want to stay in bed most of the time - and that's what brought me here. I was hoping I might meet someone here who came from a similar background as me, who could tell me what helped them start rebuilding their life.