Hello, everyone. I'm new here. I signed up for this site because I've had a pretty messed up time of things, and I don't really have anyone to talk to. I've been hoping somebody here might be able to give me some dvice - maybe someone else has had to deal with similar things.
I think my procrastination is a kind of pathological escapism. Both of my parents are mentally ill and I've always had a lot of family problems. I think that I started shutting the world out because I was trapped in a bad home as a child and it was a survival mechanism. The only way I could get by day by day was to ignore everything. I finally did end up in an emergency mental ward because I was suicidal, and the doctors there said they were astonished that I was still alive at all.
My problem now is that ignoring my life doesn't serve any useful purpose anymore, but it's such a deeply ingrained behavior for me - I've been doing it all my life. And I never learned how to do any of the basic life skills that people normally learn from their parents. My parents are hoarders - the sort of people who fill their house with piles and piles of stuff, until you feel like there walls are literally closing in on you. Hoarders have a pathological need to control absolutely everything in their environment and to never, I mean never ever, allow anything to be thrown away. So I never had any space of my own, not even my own room, and I was never taught to clean or organize anything. Now I have to start my whole life from scratch while going to school and starting a career. It's all so scary that I just want to stay in bed most of the time - and that's what brought me here. I was hoping I might meet someone here who came from a similar background as me, who could tell me what helped them start rebuilding their life.
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Thank you, everyone
I have to admit that I`ve been putting off checking this message for like a week. My life has been so messed up I`m always terrified of what people would think of me if they actually knew about it. Thank you all so much for being so kind.
We're here for you Naoya! :)
All of us come from different backgrounds, but all of us ended up here after searching far and wide for "the answer". The support here is amazing. No one judges you. We all share a different version of the same demon, and most of us are scared to talk to anyone in the "real" world about our challenge.
Open up to us. We're here to cheer each other on! Take it one day at a time, and try to get a little bit better each week. This place really helps if you check in each day a few times -- you get a nice gentle boost by reading others' comments.
You're welcome! (Naoya) I
You're welcome! (Naoya)
I think you'd find that if you did tell us the nature of this mess, we'd be pretty accepting. Have a look back through some of the threads on this site - you'll find people admitting to all sorts of problems, and I can guarantee you won't find any responses that are less than totally supportive.
No need to rush yourself - nobody's going to badger you to spill all your secrets - but I do think you'll find you can relax a bit here in time. This is a safe place. :)
Hi, Naoya and welcome,
I fell off of the same boat as Lucky "My parents were lovely but a bit lacking in the discipline department - I didn't want to do chores, they didn't make me." The day I got married at the age of 25 my mom made my bed for me just as she had done for the past 25 years. Needless to say Marriage was a huge culture shock (and still is after 15 years). I can remember my husband saying can't you see what needs to be done and honestly I could not. It has been a bit of a depressing life and I have dealt (and still do deal withit) by escapism. I have reached a point in my life where I am trying to venture out beyond the escapism and trying to discover who I am on the inside (minus the escapism). It has been a long process that started here and one that I am still working on.
With regards to the normal daily stuff that people do in their home I have found Flylady to be very helpful. I have avoided routines all of my life and Flylady has helped me with establishing routines not only on a domestic level but also on personal and professional level.
It is very hard to break the behaviors that we have "deeply ingrained" in our lives. But the reality is that it can be changed, not over night not even in a year but by small steps, time, support and loving yourself the change will come.
I have been a member of this site for over a year and it has been the foundation by which I have been able to break through some of my escapism. You will find alot of help and support here so jump in and use the tools that are available. It is not a quick fix but there is hope, love and security here if you are willing to take the steps to find and develop the changes that need to be made for you.
Welcome, Naoya! What an
Welcome, Naoya! What an awful story - the fact that you've made it this far shows how strong you are. I'm glad you've found us. :)
My background isn't anywhere near as bad as yours, but it is a little bit similar. My housemate had to teach me how to wash up correctly, how to notice when something is dirty (do you find that hard too?), how to clean a kitchen surface, etc. My parents were lovely but a bit lacking in the discipline department - I didn't want to do chores, they didn't make me. So I left home with no idea how to look after myself and proceeded to live in squalor for 10 years.
I still have problems but what's helped me, without question, was my housemate taking the time to explain step-by-step how to do things, reminding me over and over when I got it wrong, holding me to the same standards as any normal person and having rock-solid confidence that I could reach those standards. You have a whole forum full of people who can do that for you. :)
Don't be afraid to ask seemingly obvious questions about how to do stuff. In fact, don't be afraid to ask ANYTHING :) Everyone here has problems and nobody is going to be shocked at you for being honest about what you don't know or can't do yet.
Also, do make use of the daily check-in threads and the chatbox, because they're both really helpful. There's a meeting in the chatbox tonight at 7:30pm GMT (UTC) standard time. And you're more than welcome to drop me a private message if you'd like to. :)
Every time you get up and get back in the race, one more little piece of you starts to fall into place - (from "Stand" by Rascal Flatts)
So glad you found us. :)