Intro and New
Hello, I've admitted that I'm a chronic procrastinator
Can you believe that...just figured it out? I knew I had a problem but had a hard time pin-pointing it. You would think going days without showering, living with clutter everywhere; not leaving the house would have given me a clue. Well, what has really opened my eyes is the breakup of a relationship. The reason for the breakup? I won't commit to what I say I'm going to do. I actually drove a man away because of that. He actually meant a lot to me but I couldn't get myself to act...not even for love. This loss has devastated me. He would tell me my procrastination made him crazy. I would try and commit and try and commit and not do it every time. I knew what was at stake but I still couldn't act. I've read some site content about demand resistance. I would even tell him that for some unconscious reason, knowing that it was something I had to do, made me more inclined to not do it.
I've been this way for a long, long time. A little over two years ago I lost two very close people to me, my grandmother (who raised me) and my sister (my only sister one year younger than me). I've been especially stuck since their deaths. They knew me and loved me knowing the "real" me. Amazingly I handled all of my sister's funeral arrangements superbly. That's the thing. There is a part of me that can do that. I call that the fake me. The me that appears to have it all together. Can leap buildings with a single bound. With a smile even. Then there's the really real me. The me that is so paralyzed that I won't even leave the house - thank God for being able to work from home a few days a week. Actually, it's not that good for me really as I won't shower, I'm working on the couch with the TV on in the background. I do my work, but not much more than that. I will sit on that couch all day into the night and I won't do anything. It's like I can't. That's how it feels. Stuck. Definitely, avoidance.
So, boyfriend is moving on away from me and I'm sitting on the couch, no shower, wearing whatever (definitely not what you'd call dressed), no food in the house, cat needs water in dish (my cat is so forgiving!), beautiful weather outside and I can't move. I literally feel like I'm paralyzed. So, I'm surfing the web. My ex-boyfriend stated I have a procrastination problem...I'm like no I don't. But, yesterday, I realized that could be the problem. I did a search to see if there was a such thing as procrastinators anonymous. Thank God there is this site. There really isn't much out there for this kind of help and I'm grateful that from what I could see, there's a site that recognizes this problem and treats it with the seriousness it deserves.
So here I am, day two. I made a list last night of what "I want" to accomplish today - see, picked up on that one already! I got up early. I took a shower and got dressed (I'm sure folks in the grocery store will appreciate that - yes, I'm going to the grocery store!), I made my bed (which I never do), put the dishes in the dishwasher and ran it, gave my cat fresh water and food, and, I'm sitting on the couch but not my usual spot...didn't want to get too comfortable, afraid it would kill my motivation.
Thank you for all who have read to this point. One thing I know for sure is that you understand and won't judge me - right? I'm going to do some more reading of the site but, I must go to the store and I don't want to make the site another avoidance for me. Later...
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Sheree - startingnow...
I moved your "hello" to the "Questions, Answers, and Insights" board. The Announcements board is where I post forum business - site changes, etc.
I have a lot of stuff going on right now so I can't respond in detail to your message, but I did want to say welcome. There is a lot of help here.
Procrastination is the grave in which opportunity is buried.
Thank you pro
Thanks for the welcome! Geez, I hope I'm doing this right now. Sorry for the extra work.
You've definitely come to the right place for understanding. I've been there, in the kind of space you describe. Totally resistant to doing anything. I found the stuff on demand-resistance helpful and read the book Too Perfect. I've also found Inner Bonding (http://www.innerbonding.com) helpful. It's a method of dialoguing with your inner child & higher power that I find makes a big difference in my life--regardless resistance and other issues--when I actually do it (sometimes I'm resistant to it too).
Welcome and good luck!
Thank you Mollie for the welcome. I feel so much better knowing that I'm not the only one. Yesterday was a good day. I got things done which is amazing. I think taking the first step and admitting that I had a problem contributed to that greatly. I ordered the book Too Perfect and will receive it this week. I'm surprised that I didn't have it already as I've been reading books on procrastination and time management for years. I guess reading the books is good but if you don't admit you have an actual problem then you're never able to truly address it. It's funny. I've been reading books for years on how to do this and how to be that and yet never moving forward (or I should just say moving period). I'm going to start putting in my activities daily. I'm amazed by how much I got done yesterday. But, I'm humble enough to know that I have to take it one day at a time. Thanks again for your warm welcome.
The other half of overcoming procrastination
Getting a bunch of stuff done is great, but you're right to think one day at a time. Doing the things on your lists is the obvious half of overcoming procrastination, but the other half is sticking with it -- getting things done for longer than one day.
As long as you can start each day on its own terms, regardless of whether yesterday was a good day or a bad day, you can keep improving. We all have bad days, and if we can let them go and just start again... we can keep making progress, one step at a time.
Welcome to the group, Sheree! :)
thank you flexiblefine
thank you flexiblefine for the welcome and advice. i realized today that admitting i actually had a problem doesn't exactly mean i miraculously am converted to a non-procrastinator. i wanted to feel that way though. i probably got more done this w/e then i've done in the last 6 months. i plan to step back and take a more realistic view/approach of my life and my problem and stay in the "now" as opposed to switching to living task oriented. I supposed life isn't about how much you get done, it's about how much you live. thanks again!