Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.

Feelings Dump- no replies please

I wanted to create this topic as a space for people to just write through their feelings as a way of getting to their productivity, without having to worry about exposing themselves to others or being confronted with feedback. 

Feelings Dump 03/19/21

Excellent topic.  Love the idea.  I have often wanted to just 'clear' without feedback. I had this option in a Coda 12 step group where I worked the steps and the writing happened after I got to 'clear' so to speak.  Everyone in the group waiting patiently as each person cleared for two minutes.

I've been thinking about this topic of Women's History month which reminds me so much that people (of all genders) have had to take action even when circumstances are not perfect or even horrible.  I recently read in my book that Ameila Earhardt had always wanted to become a pilot, but could not in the 1920s, due to her gender, and so she instead became a social worker, because she had to pay the rent and for food.  Then she got a phone call from someone saying they needed a shoe-in at the last minute, someone to fly a plane.  He told her that she would not be paid at all, not at all and that she would have two men accompanying her, and that these two men would be paid, because they were men.  Instead of hanging up the phone as anyone would today, she said, "yeah, I'll do it."  She knew that if she put in the work and showed that she could change her profile as a pilot, that she would have other opportunities.  That's how I see my job right now.  I'm not doing it for the cash, although I like cash.  I am doing it for the experience, the knowledge.  I'm doing it to practice healthy effective communication.  It's not ideal.  I'm thankful for it, but I am here to do what the job entails.  Every !@#$%ing bit of what the job entails.  It might not be ideal. We have crappy equipment and webpages to file our hours in, but I am not here, b/c I don't deserve better.  I am here because it's the right thing to do.

Another lesson from the book described how Richard Wright checked out library books with a stolen library card and a piece of paper that described him in a racist way, in order to allow the librarian to check out books to him.  It wasn't sexy or notable.  But it's how he got books to train himself to become a writer.  When he had leverage, then he used leverage.  Do things that make sense in the situation.  It's not fair.  It doesn't make sense.  Great people have dealt with horrible adversity, and then did what they had to do in order to get somewhere else.  I'm not saying this is easy, but making it worse, or complaining/explaining won't make it better or easier.  I have only to do what is right in front of me, not to question why it is what it is or to deal with things outside my control.  I am powerless over others.


One good thing that happened recently is that they are now allowing us to set up appointments at the gym, so I'm going back to running.  I just had to say it somewhere.  I am definitely going to do this, b/c every time I read that magnet that says, "A year from now, what will you wish you started doing?"  It's always running.  I don't care if I have to run with a face mask.  I want to be a runner.



trying to rally

ok i'm having a too-many-different-headspaces paralysis. i need to make some phone calls to try to expedite some paperwork. i need to exercise. i need to practice. i need to get groceries. i need to edit. i don't feel like doing any of it. 

i need to do laundry too. 

and my compresses.

out of sorts

ok it's the middle of the day and i'm really disoriented and out of my routines. but i got something really important done this morning, so that's good. 

i definitely want to do a couple of hours of work on the book, do my compresses, and get caught up on a few important emails. maybe also nutrition videos. and meditation. and laundry. 

i'm so out of a structure right now. so first tasks: water, vitamins, general tidying


supertired physically, emotionally, and spiritually.


but i have energy intellectually 


so i just need to make a breakdown and do my tasks really slowly. 



i have a lot of work to do, a lot of loose ends to tie up and routines to restore, but i am tired. 

so the question is whether or not to try to get a lot done today or to try to have a real day off. 

maybe i will just try to do whatever i feel like doing. 

email to lawyer feelings

why am i so terrified to work on this email?

everything is totally fine. i have all the things i need. i guess it's just that all my previous interactions with her have been kind of fraught. 

first thing i will do is make a list of what i think i need and then compare it to what's in my folder from 2017

oh i get it now. i have to lay out my plan for making money, but the way i actually plan to make money, which i know is a reliable plan, is likely not to be convincing to at least some bureaucrats. so i have to figure out what to do about that, and it makes me feel under a judgmental microscope. 


ooooooookay i am supertired and in no mood to be trying to organize my thoughts to contact my lawyer. i don't think i can do it. successfully putting on a load of laundry and remembering all the non-clothes-ruining things that need to be done *also seems impossible. 

so i think it might be better to focus on doing a rehab practice today. 


am dump


I wanted to create this topic as a space for people to just write through their feelings as a way of getting to their productivity, without having to worry about exposing themselves to others or being confronted with feedback. 


ok so yesterday was one of those days that was really productive but ended shittily so it all felt very unsatisfying and depressing. 

i am kind of in the middle of a sort of breakup, and i am both not getting what i want from my friend (enthusiasm and forward-looking positivity about the breakup) and afraid that i'm not giving him what he needs. so i guess i can just check on him later today via text to make sure he's okay. and i'll be okay.

i'm also worried that my ballet teacher is mad at me. but if he is i can always study with someone else.

and i'm in the middle of doing some accounting that looks suspiciously positive, and i can't figure out how to account for this one deficit. but i'll probably figure that out.

ok i think i can make my check-in list now. today i really need to do ballet, practice, and get caught up on practice notes. it would be great to also finish my end of month accounting. i also need to figure out father's day.