Tuesday 3rd September 2013

Tuesday was a loss.

I shall grieve it, release it, and move forward.

Love to all here.

people say motivation won't last. neither does bathing, that's why we recommend it daily

zig ziglar

thank you, peaceful picture.

make pie

wash up

rubbish out

pack parcel

dry sheets

pack returns & put out

bath

leave for apt

post parcel

call in at stb

tracking number

make bed

put wash on

hang clothes

quick tidy bedroom

bath & wash hair

bed by 10.00 gone midnight, still up and no bath yet, so tired,must do it!

Abstinence from unplanned time.

• The one thing, the only thing, i can do impulsively is write something on my todo list.
• The one thing, the only thing, i can do off plan is recovery, something to maintain my sobriety, when tempted. I have come to believe that it is more important to maintain sobriety than to get things done.

Abstinence from relying on self. AA Big Book says to rely on God. Quoted in my bookmarks : scroll down to "AA Big Book on fears : relying on God not self-reliance:"

• I have come to believe that it is more important to maintain sobriety of relying on God than to get things done.
  • "15 Points" point 5 says:
    

    5. Develop and rehearse a daily plan of thinking and acting by which you will live that day relying on God, regardless of what may upset you or how hard the old urge to rely on self may hit you.

    My Plan is this:

    1. read "15 Points"
    2. Meditate for 5 min on the attributes of God

:) ci
:) start timers
:) v task
:) cL
:) time log
:| quiet time
:) r task
:) s task
:) t task
:) 11am pa phone mtg
:-( sort tasks
j task
:-( do tasks
:) put away clothes
:) abstinence day counts
:) reflection
:) pre-plan tmrw

I was overridden with guilt this morning because i was off plan. I procrastinated. This verse helped me:

2 Corinthians 5:1 For we know that if our earthly house, the tent we live in, is dismantled, we have a building from God, a house not built by human hands, that is eternal in the heavens. 5:2 For in this earthly house we groan, because we desire to put on our heavenly dwelling, 5:3 if indeed, after we have put on our heavenly house, we will not be found naked. 5:4 For we groan while we are in this tent, since we are weighed down, because we do not want to be unclothed, but clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. 5:5 Now the one who prepared us for this very purpose is God, who gave us the Spirit as a down payment. 5:6 Therefore we are always full of courage, and we know that as long as we are alive here on earth we are absent from the Lord – 5:7 for we live by faith, not by sight. 5:8 Thus we are full of courage and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. 5:9 So then whether we are alive or away, we make it our ambition to please him. 5:10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may be paid back according to what he has done while in the body, whether good or evil.

• Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid?
• Do we owe an apology?
• Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once?
  ---- yeah but i can't yet
• Were we kind and loving toward all?
• What could we have done better?
  ---- was a day of soul searching. I could have a proper self image based on God's love and forgiveness of me, instead of based on my accomplishments.
• Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time?
  ---- yes. Humility is not thinking less of yourself. It's thinking of yourself less. I thot about myself almost all day.
• Or, were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life?

12:34am :
[not tracking <15 min anymore (for now)]
It's been 00days 10hrs 23min since i last went on an off-plan bender >15min (2hrs 30min, 11:41-14:11 9/3/2013, watching tv, reading, eating, off plan)
It's been 000days 10hrs 23min since i last went on an off-plan bender >1hr (2hrs 30min, 11:41-14:11 9/3/2013, watching tv, reading, eating, off plan; abs his: (/ (+ 13 1 1 5 6 6 3 6 8 5 1 2 5 2 3 8 4 2 8 5) 20.0)4.7 ave, old-new)
It's been 00days 10hrs 23min since i last went on an off-plan bender >2hrs (2hrs 30min, 11:41-14:11 9/3/2013, watching tv, reading, eating, off plan; abs his: (/ (+ 5 14 8 6 12 9 8 13 11 4 2 9 23) 13.0)9.5 ave)
It's been 77days 21hrs 08min (mt) since i last went on an off-plan bender >3hrs (4hrs 1min, 11:25pm-3:26am 6/12-13 q surfing binge; abs his: 25,14,36; corrected 5/24).
It's been 77 days (mt) since i last went on an off-plan bender >4hrs (4hrs 1min, 11:25pm-3:26am 6/12-13 q surfing binge; before that: 78days).
It's been >155 days (mt) since i last went on an off-plan bender >6hrs (6hrs on 3/25/2013).
It's been 291 days (mt) since i last went on an off-plan bender >1day (11/15/2012)
It's been ~391 days (mt) since i last went on an off-plan bender >1week (1year 26 days : aug 8, 2013)
It's been 77days 13hrs 49min (mt) since i last relied on self. (6/10-6/13 10:45am overwhelmed with too many medium important tasks, no MITs; abs his: 14,50)

(mt) = not counting 5 day Mission Trip 7/15-7/19

THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR (everything i "did well" comes from god, either thru gifts he's given me or the way he's transformed me)

Swim.
Club w/ boys. Workout.
Dinner w/ family.
The journaling i did.
The deeper realization that God has to do the work in me; i can not do it myself. I pray that realization gets all the way deep.

I want to thank my Higher Power for this program, this website, the telephone and online meetings, and my life.

I want to thank jalla for starting this trend.

Things I will do today

1. Go to the 5:45 a.m. telephone ACA meeting

2. Go to the 7 a.m. telephone DA meeting

3. Take shower

4. Get dressed

5. Fix and eat breakfast

6. Go to group therapy at 9 a.m.

7. Go to the 11 a.m. telephone PA meeting

8. Go to the 12 noon telephone CLA meeting

9. Go to the 1 p.m. telephone CLA activity line

10. Call an Al-Anon member

11. Go to the 3 p.m. telephone DA meeting

12. Cook and eat dinner

13. Go to the 6 p.m. telephone OA meeting

14. Go to the 7 p.m. telephone OA meeting

15. Go to the 8:30 p.m. telephone ACA meeting

16. Go to the 9 p.m. online EA meeting

Thanks for letting me share