Tuesday 30th July 2013

Abstinence from unplanned time.

• The one thing, the only thing, i can do impulsively is write something on my todo list.
• The one thing, the only thing, i can do off plan is recovery, something to maintain my sobriety, when tempted. I have come to believe that it is more important to maintain sobriety than to get things done.

Abstinence from relying on self. AA Big Book says to rely on God. Quoted in my bookmarks : scroll down to "AA Big Book on fears : relying on God not self-reliance:"

• I have come to believe that it is more important to maintain sobriety of relying on God than to get things done.
  • "15 Points" point 5 says:
    

    5. Develop and rehearse a daily plan of thinking and acting by which you will live that day relying on God, regardless of what may upset you or how hard the old urge to rely on self may hit you.

    My Plan is this:

    1. read "15 Points"
    2. Meditate for 5 min on the attributes of God

:) ci
:) start timers
:) v task
:) cL
:) time log
:) quiet time
:) r task
:) s task
:) t task
:) 11am pa phone mtg
:) sort tasks
j task
:) do tasks
:) put away clothes
:) abstinence day counts
:) reflection
:) pre-plan tmrw

11:31pm : what's not reflected above is the "do tasks" was 1/4 the size it needed to be.

11:32pm :
[not tracking <15 min anymore (for now)]
It's been 00days 12hrs 12min since i last went on an off-plan bender >15min (38min, 12:42-13:20 7/30, reading a blog off plan)
It's been 04days 18hrs 17min since i last went on an off-plan bender >1hr (2hrs 19min, 2:54-5:15am 7/26 early morn, wurf off plan; abs his: (/ (+ 13 1 1 5 6 6 3 6 8 5 1 2 5 2 3 8 4 2) 18.0)4.5 ave, old-new)
It's been 04days 18hrs 17min since i last went on an off-plan bender >2hrs (2hrs 19min, 2:54-5:15am 7/26 early morn, wurf off plan; abs his: (/ (+ 5 14 8 6 12 9 8 13 11 4 2) 11.0)8.36 ave)
It's been 42days 20hrs 06min (mt) since i last went on an off-plan bender >3hrs (4hrs 1min, 11:25pm-3:26am 6/12-13 q surfing binge; abs his: 25,14,36; corrected 5/24).
It's been 43 days (mt) since i last went on an off-plan bender >4hrs (4hrs 1min, 11:25pm-3:26am 6/12-13 q surfing binge; before that: 78days).
It's been >121 days (mt) since i last went on an off-plan bender >6hrs (6hrs on 3/25/2013).
It's been 257 days (mt) since i last went on an off-plan bender >1day (11/15/2012)
It's been ~357 days (mt) since i last went on an off-plan bender >1week (8 days til 1 year, aug 8, 2013)
It's been 42days 12hrs 47min (mt) since i last relied on self. (6/10-6/13 10:45am overwhelmed with too many medium important tasks, no MITs; abs his: 14,50)

(mt) = not counting 5 day Mission Trip 7/15-7/19

• Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid?
  -- resentful, yes. selfish, yes. afraid yes. I had a very bad day. But i kept trying to do recovery all danged day. That is a victory, but it is a tarnished victory. I could not get out of my own head, and self-pity, and thinking about how everything was so bad for me. It was true, but i didnt have to dwell on it all danged day.
• Do we owe an apology?
  -- I apologize God for not trusting you, and receiving your joy, love, forgiveness.
• Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once?
• Were we kind and loving toward all?
• What could we have done better?
  -- Tuned into God's truth.
• Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time?
  -- Yes, as i explained above.
• Or, were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life?

THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR (everything i "did well" comes from god, either thru gifts he's given me or the way he's transformed me)

That this is a new kind of day. It's been about 6 months that i have these kind of days--trying recovery and mostly failing.
I DID get to 3 of my MITs with good success. 4 hours behind schedule, but better than not at all (which has happened oh so many times).
All my routine tasks were done. That is so unlike the pre-recovery me.
My business bank account is verified i paypal.
I have a great family.
Dinner was yummy.
Workout and dinner TV was great with kids.

1. Call dr's office to get camp physical for son

2. Publish J and B reports for work.

3. Send K list of reports to publish next month.

4. Send K list of tasks done today and yesterday.

12 noon now, will finish by 6

ok so my life is a mess :P what else is new. I keep forgetting things. excuse the mind dump here.

-email WK
-go shopping for slip resistant shoes
-something fun with c today
-work
-email Dev
-email re vendor event
-call bank
-figure out dinner
-baking?

-K update
(done)

-insur

-gr discussion

-computers

-call M
(done)

-agenda (done)

people say motivation won't last. neither does bathing, that's why we recommend it daily

zig ziglar

smoothie

eat

kitchen

hallway ledge

put rubbish out

hang clothes

tidy bedroom

living room- system

phone calls- list

COLLECT ALL LETTERS TOGETHER FOR TOMORROW APT

po

bank

essential shopping

LTTY

returns

refer to written list

bath

wash sheets

dry sheets

make bed

financial diary fill

5 things

exercise

17.18 update have been bank and shops, done some phone calls, have to seriously priorotise now to get all done next kitchen using timer

19.19 update kitchen done, time ssems to be running out. bedroom next, must keep on REWARD NICE CLEAN ROOM ANS ALL ORGANISED FOR TOMORROW

00.11 update bath and bed now. make list for morning

productive workday (so-so)
be punctual to dentist
finish cleaning & reassembling cellar cupboard

Thriving with style - now there's something to aim for. thank you jalla - and Maya.

7.30 breakfast w G

9 -12 finish reading ms 

eat healthy mmeal

find recipe for tomorrow  night 

1.30 - 3 prov w project

buy food 

CC review 

draw

time withMs ? Feel I need reflecting time 

peat healthy meal

8 -9 CC Skype conf  

bed by 11

THINGS I DID WELL TODAY

THINGS I COULD HAVE DONE BETTER

THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR