Sunday 23rd June 2013

Abstinence from unplanned time.

• The one thing, the only thing, i can do impulsively is write something on my todo list.
• The one thing, the only thing, i can do off plan is recovery, something to maintain my sobriety, when tempted. I have come to believe that it is more important to maintain sobriety than to get things done.

Abstinence from relying on self. AA Big Book says to rely on God. Quoted in my bookmarks : scroll down to "AA Big Book on fears : relying on God not self-reliance:"

• I have come to believe that it is more important to maintain sobriety of relying on God than to get things done.
  • "15 Points" point 5 says:
    

    5. Develop and rehearse a daily plan of thinking and acting by which you will live that day relying on God, regardless of what may upset you or how hard the old urge to rely on self may hit you.

    My Plan is this:

    1. read "15 Points"
    2. Meditate for 5 min on the attributes of God

:) ci
:-( start Instant Boss
:) v task
:) cl
:) time log
:) quiet time
:) 9am church
:) sort tasks
*capture all * tasks here
:) j task
:) do tasks
:) put away clothes
:) reflection
:) pre-plan tmrw

527pm :
[not tracking <15 min anymore (for now)]
It's been 02days 12hrs 45min since i last went on an off-plan bender >15min (2hrs 5min, 2:37-4:42am 6/21 early morning surfinq)
It's been 02days 12hrs 45min since i last went on an off-plan bender >1hr (2hrs 5min, 2:37-4:42am 6/21 early morning surfinq; abs his: 13,1,1,5,6,6,3,6,8 old-new)
It's been 02days 12hrs 45min since i last went on an off-plan bender >2hrs (2hrs 5min, 2:37-4:42am 6/21 early morning surfinq; abs his: 5,14,8,6,12,9,8)
It's been 11days 13hrs 21min since i last went on an off-plan bender >3hrs (4hrs 1min, 11:25pm-3:26am 6/12-13 q surfing binge; abs his: 25,14,36; corrected 5/24).
It's been 11 days since i last went on an off-plan bender >4hrs (4hrs 1min, 11:25pm-3:26am 6/12-13 q surfing binge; before that: 78days).
It's been >89 days since i last went on an off-plan bender >6hrs (6hrs on 3/25).
It's been 225 days since i last went on an off-plan bender >1day
It's been ~325 days since i last went on an off-plan bender >1week
It's been 11days 07hrs 42min since i last relied on self. (6/10-6/13 10:45am overwhelmed with too many medium important tasks, no MITs; abs his: 14,50)

11:27pm : just for run:

stressed backwards is
desserts

THINGS I COULD HAVE DONE BETTER

Altho very tired, i could have spent less time sitting around, and started using my tools sooner.

THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR (everything i "did well" comes from god, either thru gifts he's given me or the way he's transformed me)

Altho tired, i still maintained sobriety, never forgot i was an addict, and always treated my time as if i could get drunk on time at any moment.
2 Great parties. Fun in pool.
Sorted out problem w/ JD well.
I am thankful of the eternal and infinite nature of God.
I am thankful that meditating on the attributes of God gets me out of my own head and into God's. That feels like a miracle.
I realized today that i do not live in fear that i will not have enough time, as i did for 20years straight. I still have that fear often, but almost every day i also have times when i am confident it will be ok. Why, i ask myself? I think it is, ironically, because i do not forget i am an addict, even when i'm not drowning in the pain of the consequences of my addiction, the consequences of tasks delayed and undone. Even when i make a plan, and follow it, and overcome temptation after temptation to go off plan, i still know i am an addict. It is BECAUSE i remember always that i am an addict, that i am able to overcome it. It's the abstinence, the sobriety, the constant vigilance, even when i am in control. That is a great blessing that God has brought me to this place.

Thanks for the starter Jalla, 'easy does it' indeed :).

Today I want to crack on with the written assignments that I need to hand in to complete my foundation degree. Everything is glimmering with promise, as long as I keep on going i'll get there!!!!!!!!!

• have already started one of the assignmments, and it's probably the easiest one, so just keep going.
• the other one, the 2000 word one, it won't be too hard either, so, open a new document and write anything at all just to get started!!!
• the third one, which I've done some work on, is the least important but possibly the most demanding of mental work on my part. Do an amount that is feasible and satisfies my own standards of creativity and accuracy.
• have housework to do...
• should try to get to a yoga class!!!
• and visit my friend/walk the dogs/cook/eat
• would also love a meeting... if I can get enough work done I'll get to one.

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It's an inside job...