“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”
― Nelson Mandela
Checking in at the end of the day.
Worked on a volunteer project that took 4 hours of my evening. I hired someone to do it for me (enter all the financial info on Quicken) and she did it wrong, didn't use categories, made mistakes. Great :) Well . . . I won't be doing this project next year and am learning from my issues of volunteering when I haven't taken care of my own obligations.
READING FOR THE DAY
Trust can be one of the most confusing concepts in recovery. Who do we trust? For what?
The most important trust issue we face is learning to trust ourselves. The most detrimental thing that's happened to us is that we came to believe we couldn't trust ourselves.
There will be some who tell us we cannot trust ourselves; we are off base and out of whack. There are those who would benefit by our mistrusting ourselves.
Fear and doubt are our enemies. Panic is our enemy. Confusion is our opposition.
Self-trust is a healing gift we can give ourselves. How do we acquire it? We learn it. What do we do about our mistakes, about those times we thought we could trust ourselves but were wrong? We accept them, and trust ourselves anyway.
We know what is best for us. We know what is right for us. If we are wrong, if we need to change our mind, we will be guided into that - but only by trusting where we are today.
We can look to others for support and reinforcement, but trust in ourselves is essential.
Do not trust fear. Do not trust panic. We can trust ourselves, stand in our own truth, and stand in our own light. We have it now. Already. We have all the light we need for today. And tomorrow's light shall be given to us then.
Trust ourselves, and we will know whom to trust. Trust ourselves, and we will know what to do. When we feel we absolutely cannot trust ourselves, trust that God will guide us into truth.
God, help me let go of fear, doubt, and confusion - the enemies of self-trust. Help me go forward in peace and confidence. Help me grow in trust for you, and myself one day at a time, one experience at a time.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990
I don't trust myself to get things done. I don't trust myself to be different from past mistakes and wasted time. But perhaps I can develop it.
Showing up. That's all I can muster for now.
Thank you for showing up. When you feel you take the next step, the check in and chat box will be here for you.
And if you wish to take the next step without us, so be it. Sending you my thoughts.
Just read my master plan. I'm actually doing OK, better than I realized. That said, Today I must
Do paying work
Finish Ethics log and finish rough draft paper due on Fri
Read for Adolescents
Read for Trauma
Pick up Kid
Meet for coaching session
To do this:
8:45 Now. So meditate. Shower, get dressed, walk dog.
Done by 10:00.
Then, 1 hour ethics.
2 hours paying work
Done by 1:00
From 1:30 to 2:15, Plan late afternoon and evening; deal with anything urgent.
2:15 get ready to leave, find readings for adolescents, trauma, and bring them along
2:30, Leave house, drop by CSA, go get kids, return
Back by about 4:00-4:15.
Prepare for coaching session. If time, pick up office for a few minutes
At 5:30-6:30 Ethics paper
6:30, throw chicken in overn
6:30-7:30 Ethics paper
7:30 - Dinner
8:15-Bedtime Edit or read
WOW! No wonder I'm so stressed ALL the TIME! Clearly some of this has to be compressed/dropped.
show up (done), plan, exer
Nice starter J, oneof the 12 step promises:
keep coming back!
hey, I miss you and let's see if we connect over the weekend.
Today I need to:
Set up career ctr apt
Work on genotyping (extraction, PCR, sequencing)
Prep for interview (I'm not going to put a huge amount of effort into this, but I am going to come up with some good questions and to review how to answer OOP questions.)
Come up with a list of Qs for andy
Meet w/ UROP candidate
Work on taxes
Brainstorm new titles
Edit results and intro
Fix figure for LB
Email to say I can't go to press conf
Have dinner w/ roomie
Go to grocery store
Call dad for bday
Feeling anxious about having 3 'free' days. Lots to do and no idea what to do first. I wish I were convinced of my ablity to make good use of the time. I have to believe that I have it. Else what hope is there?
Today I have already:
Today I will:
I want to thank my Higher Power for this program, this website, the telephone and online meetings, and my life.
I want to thank jalla for starting this trend.
Things I will do today
1. Go to the 5:45 a.m. telephone ACA meeting
2. Go to the 6:45 a.m. telephone OA meeting
3. Go to the 7 a.m. telephone DA meeting
4. Cook and eat breakfast
5. Go to the 8:30 a.m. telephone PA meeting
6. Go to the 9 a.m. telephone ACA meeting
7. Take shower
8. Get dressed
9. Go to the 12 noon telephone ACA meeting
10. Go to the 1 p.m. telephone OA meeting
11. Go to the 3 p.m. telephone CLA meeting
12. Cook and eat dinner
13. Go to work at 5:30 p.m.
14. Go to the 9:30 p.m. telephone CLA meeting
Thanks for letting me share
Abstinence from unplanned time.
Abstinence from relying on self.
10:24pm night before : pre-plan:
:) v task
:) quiet time
:) r task
:) s task
:) t task
:) 10am client
:) prj task
:) sort tasks
:) job work
:) pre-plan tmwr
8:32am : it's been 1min since i last went off plan. I got distracted. I am powerfully distracted today. It is hard to handle. Wrapped up in this client's problems. But i need to release those to God. God, i need a good quiet time today.
well...what do you know...the topic of the 8:30am pa phone mtg is "Turning it over to God"!!!!
8:47am : it's been 16min since i last went off plan.
It's been 13min since i last relied on self. The prayer from the 8:30am mtg seemed very relevant to me:
The Third Step Prayer
God, I offer myself to You--to build with me and to do with me as You choose.
Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Your will.
Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness
to those I would help of Your Power, Your Love, and Your Way of life.
May I do Your will always!"
9:01am : it's been 1min since i last went off plan.
it's been 1min since i last relied on self.
10:10pm : it's been 3min since i last went off plan, and i am grateful to God for new beginnings.
It's been ... not sure ... since i last depended on self. It's been a very self-centered day. I have used and depended on my own skill and talent. I tried not to, but i lost it most of the day. Lord God, i give all that to you and open myself up to your transformation.
THINGS I DID WELL TODAY
i impressed my client. I have doubts about whether his opinion is accurate.
i put in my best effort yet at staying on plan when i had let down after big task.
THINGS I COULD HAVE DONE BETTER
During my let down after big task, i can still tighten that up. Just return to plan. Plan in down-time if needed, that's fine, and use a timer. Just dont go unplanned.
THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR
that the 8:30am pa phone mtg topic was exactly what i need.
fall down seven times, get up eight - japanese proverb
Hi there and thanks for the great starter Jalia.
Wed goes like this -
Write to K
Do EF's ref
Teach 2 x S the I sessions.
Do 2 x U workshops
Sort CG and TC money
Decide what needs doing re. J's Ext.
Eve - finish B's chapter.
Oh dear that was hopeless! I found I had to do loads of other things that pushed these out.
Spot on, Mandela. Thank you Jalla, for starting the thread, the perfect quote and the beautiful fuchsias.
how could I not brave the new day with optimism?
strip bed, wash sheets
Deliver cuttings to J
7.30 cafe with journal and draft
hang out sheets, replug shed cable
9-12 write with poms - get scene roughly drafted - one pom planning, 5 poms, one para each.
photo and blurb
2-3.30 prov with mem
4.-5.30 I often let myself down at this point, not doing the things on my list so I shall leave it as absolutely free choice, and then see what happens! BUt
bringing in the sheets and making the bed will seem to have been quite a good idea when I head off for bed tonight
5.30-7.30 walk with C
bed by 11
THINGS I DID WELL TODAY
THINGS I COULD HAVE DONE BETTER
THINGS I FEEL GRATEFUL FOR.
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