Sunday 24th February 2013

Not panicking and calming down seems to be a theme lately, so ...

I'll echo that: Don't Panic!!!

Okay, so the owner is pressuring for rent again, despite the family's fault with the disastrous living situation this week. BREATHE. He'll get it when he gets it.

Grateful for money I got today, even though it put me further in debt. I know what I have to do though, and this time I am actually willing to do it. I think this hell finally broke my paralysis.

DONE: getting current on all bills, now recorded twice in calendars.

TO DO: some assignments. 4 is goal, but realistically, exhausted now, so if I do even 1 tonight it's okay.

Relax, read, watch show/movies. 

MONDAY: assignments, agencies, apps out, etc. Have no fear, you will do it.

Start training.

Try to make a DA meeting in person too or at least on phone.

Show up, done, plan, exer

thanks for starterMole  and reminder to never give up

Abstinence from unplanned time.

Abstinence from relying on self.

7:36am : today i may have the unenviable task of telling my dw that i have to work instead of do stuff with her. God i need wisdom, perspective, strength and patience here (all things you promise to give in the bible).

:) ci
:) v task
:) quiet time
:) 8 get ready
:) r task
:) s task
:) t task
:) 830 drive
:) 845 prep
:) 10-11 church
:) wrap up ystdy's post - lol i didnt do one
:) 2nd 3rd of movie with family
defer: ht task
ok to skip one day: prj task
:) sort tasks
:) 2:45 store
:) 3rd 3rd of movie with family
:) do tasks
:) do tasks
do tasks
do tasks
do tasks
do tasks

2:27pm : this hymn really struck he in church today. Especially the bolded parts, and especially, especially the bolded italics part.

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the prince of glory died
My richest gain I count but loss
And pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it Lord that I should boast
Save in the death of Christ my God.
All the vain things that charm me most
I sacrifice them to his blood.

See from his head, his hands, his feet
Sorrow and love flow mingled down
Did e'er such love and sorrow meet
Or thorns compose so rich a crown.

Were the whole realm of nature mine
That were a present far too small.
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.

10:49pm : it's been over 1 day since i last went off plan.
It's been 5 hours since i last relied on self. And that was feeling bad when someone put me down. If i do not rely on myself, if i rely on God, what ppl say about me has no effect on me, except to objectively, non-emotionally evaluate their comment, extract any merit, discard the rest, and constructively give it to god so he can use it to further shape me. No guilt, not bad feeling, just abandonment to God.

I need to read my translated "15 points for a self-aholic to consider when confronted to with the urge to rely on self (by feeling guilty about themselves)". Sobriety first, before sleep, before work, before family. That sounds so drastic, but i'm an addict, and it's the antidote.

Relying on God is sobriety, a magnificent obsession,
and the most important thing in your life, without exception. You my believe your job, or your home life, or one of many other things come first. But consider if you do not rely on God, but continue relying on self, chances are you won't have a job, a family, sanity or even life. If you are convinced that everything depends on you relying on God, you have just so much more chance of putting your trust in God and continuing to rely on God each day. If you put other things first you are only hurting your chances.

11:06pm : That document, "15 points", has an amazing effect on me. Reading it always makes the urge subside. wow. It's like it fell from heaven. ty god.

I want to thank my Higher Power for this program, this website, the telephone and online meetings, and my life.

I want to thank Mole for starting this trend.

Things I will do today

1. Go to the 5:45 a.m. telephone ACA meeting

2. Go to the 6:45 a.m. telephone OA meeting

3. Go to the 7 a.m. telephone DA meeting

4. Go to the 8 a.m. telephone OA meeting

5. Go to the 9 a.m. telephone DA meeting

6. Cook and eat breakfast

7. Take shower

8. Get dressed

9. Go to the religious meeting

10. Write three questions for tonight's meeting

11. Cook and eat dinner

12. Read the assignment for tonight's PA workshop

13. Wash dishes

14. Go to the 6:45 p.m. telephone OA meeting

15. Go to the 7 p.m. online EA meeting

16. Go to the 8 p.m. telephone CLA meeting

17. Go to the PA workshop at 9 p.m.

18. Do my 11th Step for OA

19. Test blood sugar twice

20. Do my assignment for my NA sponsor'

Thanks for letting me share