Friday 1st February 2013

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May I be granted release from the bondage

• of time lost,
• of talents wasted,
• of good omitted,
• of vain complacency in success.

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May I obtain the grace

• to work in an appropriate spirit of balanced humility and not humiliation;
• to work conscientiously, putting the call of duty above my inclinations;
• to work with gratitude and joy, considering it an honor to employ and develop, by means of labor, the gifts received from Higher Power;
• to work with order, peace, moderation and patience, without ever recoiling before weariness or difficulties;
• to work, above all, with purity of intention, and with detachment from self.

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Amen
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-- adapted/changed/updated ...  derived from an old prayer to St. Joseph.

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Need to get a handle on my chronic procrastination.

To do's for rest of day:

1. 2 hours newsletter
2. email HW re newsletter
3. Call Income Tax department
4. Call Margaret
5. Call Jack
6. Run
7. Keep time log
8. 2 hours newsletter (in evening)
9. Calendar for February
10. Wash dishes
11. Hand wash blouse and sweater
12. Look up school location
13. Get ready for class tomorrow
14. Mail letters
15. Buy milk and food for Saturday's lunch

Progress, not perfection.
Consistency over emergencies.
Do the thing that feels healthy, not "shouldy" or escapist.
____________________

Check-in @ P.A.
Process my inbox completely

journal
meditate 15 mins.
shower/dress

Complete 1 cycle of 15 minutes each of:
-- dishes
-- clean
-- back exercise/practice
-- massage

Appointments:
12pm Duo Reh

If there’s time after I complete what’s listed above, I will select 2 activities and cycle them in 15 minute bursts.

Things I did well today:
-- After a day of trying to be "on plan" and then constantly getting derailed by my negativity and procrastination urges, I started to feel very existential and filled with dread, just like I did last Monday.  I used tools that I've gathered to get myself back on track - saying "even though I feel like this, I love and accept mysef exactly the way I am", and then journaling about anything I could feel grateful for and why.  That got me out of it.  Thank God.

Things I can improve on:
-- When I can feel my negativity strongly at the start of the day, be willing to sit with it and explore it instead of push it off through various means.  I'll have to deal with it eventually, so I might as well be kind to myself and deal with it right away.
-- As I realized last Monday:  I need a friend who I can talk to when I'm going through a crappy moment.  Or, I need a buddy to work through procrastination/negative emotion problems as they arise.  Perhaps I can post something/ask someone. 

3 things I’m grateful for:
1) Change.
2)  Good food.
3) Being able to talk through things here.  I get so much more perspective after typing out my insights here.  Thanks to whoever reads them!

__________________________

"Do I prefer to grow up and relate to life directly, or do I choose to live and die in fear?"
-- Pema Chodron

[DONE: ✔]

10:08am : It's been 10 min since i last went off plan. relatively good morning. I am 2hrs behind schedule. Now, my HUGE challenge today is facing my to-do list which has like 10 hi prio things on it. But i'm going to let god do that for me.

Last few days I have been laying in bed in the morning not able to get out of bed, and i have prayed for god to give me the strength. And what has happened was that i got distracted or something else has come up and i got out of bed without dealing with the resistance. I am interpreting this as God doing it for me. Getting me out of the way, and getting it done without my effort. And it occurred to me this morning that he may be using that to teach me what it feels like when HE does something instead of me. What it feels like to be surrendered to him. To not be relying on my own efforts. I believe he still wants me to try, to act, to move forward, but he wants me to see that as not something that *I* am doing but something HE is doing thru me.

c.s.lewis has the same idea in Mere Christianity

After the first few steps in the Christian life we realise that everything which really needs to be done in our souls can be done only by God. And that brings us to something which has been very misleading in my language up to now.

I have been talking as if it were we who did everything. In reality, of course, it is God who does everything. We, at most, allow it to be done to us.

It took 52 min to find that quote. Clearly, god has to keep doing it to me. And i have to keep allowing it.

:) ci
:) v task
:) quiet time
:) 11am pa phone mtg
:) r task
:) s task
:) prj task
:) sort tasks (with fear)
:) client visit
:) busi reg -- started
video.

1:27pm : i refuse to feel good about myself because of my accomplishments. I will instead feel good about myself because God loves me.

2:11pm : it's been about 1hr since i last went off plan.
It's been about 3 hrs since i last relied on myself.

3:05pm : it's been 1hr 54 min since i last went off plan, and
3hrs 54min since i last relied on self. now client visit.

1:22am : it's been 5 in since i last went off plan. It's harder to tell when/if i was relying on self. I think i was when i was talking about my business. I think i was when i was worried about going on a procras binge tonight.

• hang up laundry 1
• weekly report: entries for yesterday & today
• mend JJ trousers
• pack JJ bag
• laundry 2: remove stains - put in machine - hang up
• file notes: break it down so I can measure progress
• file M/B notes: collect in one folder (a lot seems to be missing; will work with what I found now, maybe rest will turn up later)
• file M/B notes: sort folder
• file M/B notes: check for missing printouts
• file M/B notes: rewrite/digitalize/condense
• file M/B notes: sync with calendar
• phone A about training today, schedule tomorrow, carpe (unreachable, wrote mail)
  
• go to JJ training (decided not to go and to keep working instead)
• keep updating todo list for today + weekend

Thank you, jalla, for starting this thread for us today. :-)

Today's tasks:

• Up early to put bins out
• Morning routine
• Pay credit card
• Plumber visits mid-morning
• Gym?
• PD 
• Declutter for 15 mins - Mistress Bedroom
• Crisis Cleaning - 2 hours' total
• Evening routine

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." (Anais Nin)

I want to thank my Higher Power for this program, this website, the telephone and online meetings, and my life.

I want to thank jalla for starting this trend

Things I will do today

1. Go to the 5:45 a.m. telephone ACA meeting

2. Cook and eat breakfast

3. Get medicine ready

4. Take shower

5. Get dressed

6. Go to doctor's appointment at 10 a.m.

7. Go to the bank website and see how much money I have

8. Go to the bank

9. Cook and eat dinner

10. Go to work at 5:30 p.m.

11. Go to the 10 p.m. telephone DA meeting

Thanks for letting me share

 Show up (done), plan, exer (y)

p 63 AA BB:

"We were now at Step Three. Many of us said to our Maker, as we understood Him:
"God, I offer myself to Thee-to build with me and to do with me as Thou
wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will.
Take away my difficulties, that victory
over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy
Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!" We thought well
before taking this step making sure we were ready; that we could at last
abandon ourselves utterly to Him."