Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.

NEED HELP. Thesis & compulsive internet avoidance

14 December, 2012 - 4:16am - slowpoke

Hi All, 

I desperately need help and wasn't able to find anyone in the chatbox at this hour so I'm posting in this forum in order to "put it out there". Feedback welcomed. In fellowship, -slowpoke.  

04:12:22 ‹slowpoke› hi guys, is anyone around?
04:12:49 ‹slowpoke› I've been on the internet for about 5 hours, more earlier and yesterday, completely 100% avoiding thesis deadline coming up
04:13:41 ‹slowpoke› I am petrified. Every day in the early afternoon I tell myself I'm fine and am going to get started, and every night looks like this... It just occurred to me as I was going to type "Yahoo" into the search bar ONE more time that I could come here instead
04:13:54 ‹slowpoke› It's such an unbelievable compulsion, just to avoid, using ANYTHING
04:14:15 ‹slowpoke› I'm *STILL* trying to do it myself, without HP.

04:14:45 ‹slowpoke› Hope someone will read this in the morning. Will post in forum, as well, to not feel alone. Thank you! 

‹ Wednesday 19 December 2012 Thursday 20th December 2012 ›

Slowpoke thanks you!

slowpoke - 20 Dec 2012 - 3:50pm

Vic, Hooch, Thesis, Hypatia, Mole, Kodos, Knitfisher, Marcelor, andy_b, Piqued:

Dear friends, I received so many responses that to do an individual reply to each would be counter to our practice of time recovery, I think, but I want to THANK each of you SO SO MUCH for your response to my post. I am overwhelmed, actually, by your attention and solidarity and so grateful to connect. What a wonderful reminder that I am truly not alone.

I love Piqued's practice of pretending we're in the room with one another - it is really the crux of all of this, I think - that, and accepting ourselves no matter what.

I am so grateful for all of you and this forum. I would personally like to connect more by outreach phone calls. Please let me know if you're in the U.S. region and would like to have recovery calls.

Many thanks,

emily (slowpoke) 

 

slowpoke

vic - 20 Dec 2012 - 2:15pm

Hi fellow paer in recovry. You are not alone. It is now 2:06 and I have literally worn myself out avoiding a call/task/responsibility. Another day, yet grateful I am n ot alone, and have a place to "connected" 24/7, regardless of anything else save an internet connection.

I don't understand this thing about me, yet people sharing here have this, people who whould be the last people I would think could have this issue. Only here people who could understand that which could not be understood.We are not alone and there is hope. Keep comingback.

You are not alone, slowpoke

Piqued - 19 Dec 2012 - 2:23am

slowpoke... I have been pouring all of my energy into useless hours on the internet for the past two days. Just like you, I haven't figured out a way to connect with a HP (or even be willing to try, if I am honest about it). It's so easy for me to lose hours in 100% avoidance mode and then to waste time moping/fretting/stewing about how stupid I am for making such bad choices.

So, here's what I'm gonna do for the next hour: I am going to imagine that you and I are sitting in the same room, trying to get ourselves to work on some small part of something scary. In my mind, I am going to make a pact with you to either do work or do nothing other than breathe during the upcoming hour. NO INTERNET. In this little vision of mine, you are tackling a small task in order to keep me company and show solidarity, and I am tackling a small task to keep you company and show solidarity. Knowing that you're scared and you're trying will help me to keep trying even though I am scared.

I'm not saying that you're my HP or anything (although I must admit that I do believe in you and I do have faith in the power of friendship and encouragement...). I'm just thinking that knowing we are all in this together and that we are all pulling for one another really does make a difference in how I think about the tasks before me. I hope it helps you too. Starting my hour working "together" with you right now. I'll be back at 2:23 AM my time.

Hugs and all the positive energy I can send your way!

Piqued

Make-believe can be helpful

Piqued - 19 Dec 2012 - 3:39am

slowpoke,

The strangest thing just happened. I got work done for the first time "today" (where "today" is defined by the day on which I arrived at work). OK, so this is goofy, but you were brave and shared, so here goes: I did the whole visualization thing and even looked over at you a few times when I was feeling weak. You, nice person that you are, gave me the "c'mon, you can do it" nod and smile, and that helped me plunge back into my work each time. Oddly enough, I didn't visualize you looking like anyone in particular. It was more that I sensed the positive energy and determination coming from you. Yeah, I know, I'm odd. But thanks for opening up and sharing with all of us... It helped me in a way that nothing else has all day.

Piqued

thank you for posting. i

andy_b - 17 Dec 2012 - 3:42pm

thank you for posting. i feel completely out of control today. i have major deadlines this week and have wasted practically the entire day avoiding them. i do not know what else to do. i am reaching out to work with other addicts.

Yep, that's me

marcelor - 17 Dec 2012 - 12:52pm

Coming up to a final date where I need to show progress on my thesis and still I can't make myself act. I have spent an absolutely disgusting amount of time on the internet, somehow choosing to let my dreams slip away. :-(

@Marcelor

Hooch - 17 Dec 2012 - 2:07pm

There is a reason for everything Marcelor. There must be a reason why you are letting your 'dreams slip away' as you put it. What do you fear from starting to act?

Hooch

Hey slowpoke

knitfisher - 17 Dec 2012 - 12:32pm

Although its nice to have people reply to you in chat, I often find myself alone in there on UK time. I haven't yet determined my relationship to a HP so imagine the essence of other PA-ers in there. We are there with you even if you can't see our names. As I said to someone the other day, we stand beside you in silence if necessary.

 I hope that you can find someone to help nearby.

 

I like that image Knitfisher

Hooch - 17 Dec 2012 - 5:46pm

of the essence of the other PA-ers working away in the Chatbox, even when I can't see them. Or even when I am not there myself. 

Hooch

@ Slowpoke

Hooch - 17 Dec 2012 - 11:43am

It was good to see you in the Chatroom. Seems you are beginning to gain a toehold. Hang in there!

Hooch

Hang in there, Slowpoke! You

Kodos - 14 Dec 2012 - 8:21am

Hang in there, Slowpoke! You can do it!

Slowpoke

Mole - 14 Dec 2012 - 5:50am

Dear Slowpoke

you poor thing - it is a horrible place you find yourself in. when this happens to be (avoidance through Internet etc) I can feel my hands reaching out to the web without my brain ever having given them the go ahead . I have had to become quite strict with myself. There is a downloadable programme called freedom which allows you to specify a length of time you want to ban yourself from the Internet. It bars your access until your time is up. It need only be for as long or short as you like . I also use the pomodoro technique - essentially a timer. You work for 25 minutes and then take a compulsory 5 min break. You will find more about freedom and pomodoro if you search this site. Good luck.

mole 

Thanks, Mole. I was

slowpoke - 20 Dec 2012 - 3:52pm

Thanks, Mole. I was wondering what a pomodoro was! In Italian it means "tomato"... I've tried the 25-5-25-5-25-15 method before -- it's hard for me to stay focused but keeping it really small and short right now does help. Appreciate the info. - will look up "Freedom" :)  

HI slowpoke - sorry I missed you

Hypatia - 14 Dec 2012 - 5:21am

Sorry I arrived about 30 mins after you left the chatbox.  (It's 10-15am here in the UK). You are definitley not alone in this and you've come to the right place.  Don't let the empty chatbox put you off, but tomorrow pop in here as soon as you feel that procrastination coming on.

It's an awful weight having a huge thesis to write - what seems to help a lot of us is brekaing it down into tiny chunks, even if you start doing only 5 minutes at a time.  5 minutes of sorting your papers into order is definitely better than getting sidetracked onto the internet for 5 hours (been there, done that).

 Hope to meet you in the chatbox sometime

H.

Hi slowpoke. Im writing

thesis - 14 Dec 2012 - 5:08am

Hi slowpoke. Im writing here coz u posted in my thread and just saw this. Can i suggest a change of name first, if i may say so?

 

Can u commit to doing 2 minutes of work for me, immediately after u see this tomorrow? Just 2 minutes. Nothing else. No deadline. Nothing. Once you do 2 minutes, if you feel like doing more, you can. Or if not, post here and say done. I ask this one thing. 2minutes is better than none. 

Let me know how it goes. 

 

Goodluck!  

 

Seek help Slowpoke

Hooch - 14 Dec 2012 - 4:42am

If you feel you need help Slowpoke - Get help! Your uni counselling service might be a good place to start. This is a real problem, it is having an impact on your life, and you might well need external help to get it dealt with. 

v best wishes,

Hooch

(and I know where you are coming from. I took nearly 6 years for doctorate)