Wednesday December 12, 2012

Starting thoughts: It's 5:24 PM. Getting a late start today (one minute later than yesterday, to be precise). Yesterday was, once again, surprisingly productive. It's tempting to qualify that statement with a comment about how I wasn't productive "enough," though. Gotta get past that urge.

Goals:
-- Deadlocking CQ DONE FOR NOW
-- Close the "missing changes" CQ FINALLY DONE!!
-- Do NL, use spray DONE
-- Do NL again
-- Test new feature (2 hours?)
-- Review install doc
-- Leave R a message about restarting next year DONE
-- Respond to other NR emails DONE
-- RSVP DONE

-- Return Amazon purchase NOT ELIBIBLE FOR RETURN

Another day:
-- Pick recipe for intimidating potluck
-- Call NR's B?
-- Put out feeding log for woodpeckers 
-- Finish RV app

Ending thoughts: It is vexing that I won't start testing the new feature. Maybe I need to add parts of this task to the list instead of the name for the entire task? I'll try that Thursday.

1. Drop off package.
2. 1 hour on billing.
3. 1 hour on marketing.
4. Work on wordpress project.  

5. Newsletter. 

OK, today I need to write. Breaking this down, I need to:
*Update intro (will do this soon)
*Update abstract
*Revise results section on S8 expr
*Finish results section on sp d (working on this now)
*Finish results section on mei init (working on this now)
*Finish first half of the discussion (will do this soon)
*Finish second half of the discussion

*Microburst materials and methods

Then, I have some  non-work things to do:
*Check on m
*See bf! (will do this soon)
*Wrap present
*Mail package to LS 

And I need to go to a work meeting

I know this next bit isn't about procrastination, but I need to get it out.  I'm stuck.

I did pretty well yesterday, but then had a horrible fight with my bf last night.  I am used to not sticking with anything (compulsivity) and I'm especially not used to trusting that people I love won't hurt me and love me even if they're frustrated or annoyed.  He's reached the end of his rope and doesn't know what to do anymore to show me that he loves me.  I've tried to believe that he loves me and that means it's all fine before, and then I fail (thanks Negativity in my brain).  Well... I need to believe him now.  He wants me to commit to it.  This requires me to police my thoughts for Negativity so diligently.  I don't know if I can do this and police myself for procrastination (Negativity again) at the same time. 

God help me get through today with some grace and understanding.  God, please show me what I can do.  Help me to see beyond the old and worn layers of myself.

_______________

Check-in @ P.A.
Process my inbox completely

journal
meditate 15 mins.
shower/dress

Complete 1 cycle of 15 minutes each of:
-- dishes
-- clean
-- back exercise/practice
-- massage

If there’s time after I complete what’s listed above, I will select 2 activities and cycle them in 15 minute bursts.

3 things I did well today:
1) Even though I was in a bad mood for much of the day, I still tried to keep going on my tasks instead of self-soothing with procrastination.  That felt good.
2) Even though I had a lot of appointments (which I neglected to write down here), I still did most of my 15 minute task as a cycle all together, and took genuine 5 minute breaks.
3)

3 things I can improve on:
1)  Instead of just letting an emotion hang over me, try to articulate it and see if there's anything concrete I can do to make it better.
2)
3)

3 things I’m grateful for:
1) Meditation class.
2)
3)

Thursday update:  So, I feel kind of bad about how I did yesterday, but I'll try again today.  It's only the first week of trying to stay on this routine, after all.

__________________________

"Do I prefer to grow up and relate to life directly, or do I choose to live and die in fear?"
-- Pema Chodron

Seriously under-estimating or over-estimating the time required to do a task - this is a problem that many of us share.   I consider myself to be a recovering procrastinator after many years in this program but I still have these issues.   Breaking tasks down into 15-minute chunks helps, as well as time-boxing (choosing to work on a task for a set amount of time)  but it is something I continue to work on.

I am working from home today, completely recovered from last week's virus, and I will exercise for 30 minutes, have quiet time and a healthy breakfast, then I'll check back with todo list.

Update 4 pm Well I never got back here to post todo list because I've been in  meetings all day but I've done ok.   I even made that phone call that's been on my todo list for a month.

In the next hour, I will:

• Review goals
• Work on speech for 30 minutes
• Begin defining S003 

Then I will make dinner, do the dishes, and sort gift bags to see if I have enough without buying more this year.  

Jo

Let your purpose rule your day - Steve Chandler

(Hopefully I have done this in the right way this time! )

 Have a good breakfast

Finish off going through audio of supervisor meeting  I did this in 2 x 30 min chunks

Edit draft of profile that someone has written about me for school prospectus.   it just proves that what others write is often not perfect and so I shouldn't expect what I do to be perfect either - it was rubbish in fact and so i re-wrote what they did not editing it. - about 90mins with a few breaks

Go through pile of notes on my desk and the finished transcript from audio meeting and identify actions / things I need to do. - I didnt manage to do this I think I got overwhelmed and need to break it down into smaller parts...maybe by time rather than completing a specific action

Plan how I am going to achieve what I need to do

11:14pm wed : plan tmrw

:) 7 ci
:) quiet time
:) 730 pa phone mtg
:) 720 rdy
:) 740 prep
:) 840 rdy 2 go. God willing...
:) ask God for guidance.
:) sort tasks
:) tethering til 12:25pm
do tasks

8:04am : It's been, let's call it 10 min, since i last went off plan. I went to bed when i planned, but then didnt get tired as usual, and read more than i planned. That was a vague plan tho. Then i got up 20 min later than i planned. Should i count that as off plan? Not sure. Need 'wisdom to tell the difference'. Anyway, next on plan: quiet time.

8:11am : it's been 1 min since i last went off plan. New beginning.

8:27am : it's been 17 min since i last went off plan.

11:21am : it's been 1 min since i last went off plan. New beginning. And i told my 11am phone mtg what i was going to do, and i fully planned on doing something else. Thank GOD for that phone mtg, because it allowed me to catch myself lying to myself. I am in the middle of a task, and it's on the list, but i have not decided that it's most important to do first today. And i have not asked God for guidance today. So i'm gonna do those.

11:26am : it's been 6 min since i last went off plan.

12:04am : i have been binging and not stopping. i feel very bad about myself. But somehow when i came here i realized that today's extreme events have taken a major toll on my emotions. It's ok, self, to have a bad day when things beyond your control are super-impactful. I can hear God saying tomorrow is a new day, a new opportunity. Funny i dont want to hear that. God i need you to make me willing. I am willing to be made willing. I am speaking from my head, because my heart does not want to be willing. I know i can trust God. So altho i feel nothing within myself, i know it will be ok. So weird... i dont WANT it to be ok, and because i trust God i know that it will be. So wise God's plan revealed in the bible : based on god's strength and faithfulness, and not mine. So very, very wise. And exactly what i need tonight. And all that makes me feel a little bit better. maybe just enuf to start a positive cycle into tomorrow. And enuf to believe my willingness will return.

thanks lennon- that is s otrue. i usually tend to way underestimate how long i need....

• readings
• HIO
• ring sponsor
• tidy
• ready
• call studio
• pick up m
• post package
• diary
• banking 
• accounts
• go to U
• finish list for adv
• do email about a and ad
• seperate letter for HR
• seperate letter for p
• send out
• email m re fin
• make drs appt
• plan for meeting with v
• go to meeting
• coffee and journal
• journal e and h
• print out journals 
• lit review
• print
• j ws
• print
• pool and gym
• call mp, e and os
• rehab excercises

Thanks lennon - great to see the thread started already.

7.30 cafe, contact L

9-12.30write with poms and ddragon

eat healthy  meal

CC

wash up

cafe with mems

exercises 

plan rest of Dec 

cards for M and other CH 

 Healthy meal 

relax

bed at 11