(2 weeks after my account got approved. Of course.)
My name is Jesse, and I'm a compulsive procrastinator. I'm also a compulsive overeater, and I've been going to Overeaters Anonymous for a year, hence the habit of introducing myself that way. The fact is, however, that although the overeating is physically obvious to anyone who looks at me, the procrastination is a much more severe compulsion for me. If this online forum can give me even a fraction the help that I've gotten from OA's in-person meetings, it could save my life. Not that I'm at risk of dying any time soon — more that I'm already half dead. Or like Han Solo, frozen in carbonite. In a broader sense, I feel like I have this dread of entering a new phase of my life, becoming a new, successful version of myself. It's some combination of fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of mediocrity, fear of losing my identity which is so much based on avoidance of work. Fear that actually achieving a few dreams — let alone trying to and failing to achieve anything — will never measure up to the fantasies in my head, where I can do not just anything but everything.
I am in therapy, which, especially now supplemented with OA, is slowly helping me untangle myself. I have ADHD and depression, and take meds for them. They aren't nearly as effective as I wish they'd be, especially the ADHD meds - but they're a lot better than not taking them. I finished college 4 years late. I just quit a job in IT after 2 years, because I have no interest in IT as a career, and it was draining my soul. I don't really know what I do want to do with my career though. I've moved back in with my parents. The proximate cause of me finally writing my first post here is that I'm procrastinating a job application and an application to an entrepreneurship program. The latter is due tomorrow, and the former has no firm due date, which makes it harder - because frankly for all I know it became too late a week ago.
I could go on and on and on. Heck, I already have. (Why can't writing flow out of me this easily all the time?) If no one reads this, that's fine - it helped me a bit to verbalize some of this stuff. I join this community with high hopes, and can't wait to virtually and pseudonymously meet all of you. :)