Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.

procrastination and codependency a.k.a. martyr syndrome

Sometimes instead of helping myself and prioritising proper self care, I look out for the needs of others almost compulsively. This can be to an extent that I don't know what I am thinking or feeling anymore or am not aware of what I want or need.

It's almost like a story of a son at the edge of a rapid riverbank holding onto his family who are slipping into the river to stop them from drowning. Holding on means no other options are available to him. If the son let goes, maybe the family will drown. Or maye they can swim to safety. Or maybe the son can go get help. Or maybe he can run to a bridge downstream to be able to better give help there. Or maybe the son keeps holding on and is dragged into the rapids with the family and they all drown horribly together.  

I found this definition of Martyr Syndrome online with suggestions in this article on overcoming this.

"Martyr syndrome is a term that describes people who use self-sacrifice and suffering to control or manipulate their environment. It frequently includes being stuck in a victim mentality with resulting feelings of helplessness."

I have also been exploring the Co-Dependents Anonymous website to look at this issue further. 

Just when I think things are bad enough with trying to recover agonizingly slowly from my horrible procrastination addiction, another horrendously distressing issue pops up for me to look at. But yes, I acknowledge that I have not put myself first for a long time, and have been a bit of a compulsive rescuer.  Anyhow, it's time to shine a light on these shadows of my past.  


martyr syndrome - healthy antidote behaviours

I was introduced recently to these antidote behaviours to the poison of codependent behaviours, here

I hope this is useful and of comfort.


I've definitely got martyr syndrome

Thank you for the link to that website.  In a few minutes it opened my eyes to some of my current behaviour.

Stop holding on to your suffering. In any given situation suffering may include some or all of the following: guilt, a feeling of unworthiness, fear of change, fear of conflict, inability to see options or alternatives, stubbornness, or a belief that life has to be difficult

For the past 15 years I have been carer to my disabled and chronically ill husband to a greater or lesser extent.  For the last year and a half of his life my life revolved round caring for him as he became quadriplegic on top of all his other problems.  Work was something I just muddled through, I rarely went out on my own otherwise except for church and an evening class.  I certainly don't resent it because I was totally in love with him throughout our marriage, and still am 9 months after his death.

But after 9 months on my own, I still find it difficult to enjoy myself and I keep feeling guilty because I've got time to do things for myself instead of looking after him.  Then it gets really silly as I end up[ on the theme of "why when there's all this suffering in the world, have I any right to do things purely for my own pleasure?".  I think there's a lot of work for me to do here to get rid of my martyr syndrome


re: procrastination and codependency a.k.a. martyr syndrome

yes, for me codependency is a core issue (which is why I consider Coda my home group, it's where I started with 12 step). Except for me I am the one usually rescued, since my parents were the rescuers. This time they decided to stop rescuing me in my forties, which is why I am now homeless. It is an insidious disease. I still keep wondering what I've done to make my parents hate me so much now. I think at their older age they now resent all their giving and that I'm not in a position to take care of them now as most people in their 40s would. I just can't do it because I can't even take care of myself right now.

how it relates to my procrastination is that I live with the feeling that others will take care of me, so that gives me an excuse or "safe" feeling that I can get away with putting things off. It has destroyed my life instead. 


How True

" it relates to my procrastination is that I live with the feeling
that others will take care of me, so that gives me an excuse or "safe"
feeling that I can get away with putting things off."

Thanks for sharing, Lavida.  I can related completely.  Grew up with loving and capable parents who took care of everything without my evening asking.  Am just learning now that i need to take care of myself (then, I'll be able to take care others), without waiting for some angel/white knight to come along and wisk me away to happily ever after.