Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.

hello! and how do I help myself??

first, thank you thank you to all the people whose efforts brought this organization and website to life.

I had just come to the realization that my procrastination was like an addiction and thought to myself, "Someone should start a Procrastinaot's Anonymous..."  And lo and behold, one google search later, there is hope!  I was just starting to feel hopeless.  I don't seem to have any problem with drugs or alcohol or food.  Maybe somewhat with love, but really, NOTHING NOTHING is as damaging as the procrastination. I do have a history of depression though and wonder what the link is between those dreadful things?

I have struggled with bad procrastination since at least high school.  I am now 36.  There were times when it seemed to go away.  Bascially, when I've had a very routine and structured life.  But as soon as I try to strike out and do anything "on my own", this demon comes back.  To be honest, right now I have no complants about my outward life.  I have everything I could possibly want.  Friends, family, boyfriend, health (basically), meaningful work, some money in the bank.  But inside I am barely holding it together.

Procrastination is the most obvious symptom of something else going on.  

There are basically 2 really big admin type of things that I am avoiding.  Been avoiding for months!  Avoiding but thinking about, worrying about, carrying the heavy weight of.  I am exhausted from in essence doing nothing.  And those are just the big things.  There are also about a 1,000 small things, bills, emails, other important chores.  And I just can't face them.  I set aside time.  I give myself encouraging pep talks (or try to).  But I just seem paralysed.  And it has come to the point that I really do risk losing everything that is dear to me and that I have worked so hard for, because I something inside seems to be broken.  So these things which I am putting off, which were once small, have become BIG, and well, in general, everything feels terribly overwhelming.

To be specific, the 2 biggest boogeymen are: 1) handling some invoices which are about 6 months late and whicjh if I had done them on time would have paid me about $40,000 -- and no I'm not rich.  $40,000 is A LOT of money to me.  2) handling my apartment situation, I have a friend who is subletting my apartment in Brooklyn, who I need to give notice to because I want the apartment back and I know this is going to be unhappy news for him.  So that's that.  Those are the two biggest scariest things that I have been avoiding the longest. these happen to top the list of about 20 important things I am avoiding right now. But the other things all add up to a true crisis.  If can turn things around soon, then there doesn't have to be disaster. But I can sort of see myself speeding towards that at the rate I'm going.

The good things are: I found this group yesterday and registered.  And today I opened up the emails and files that I need to in order to start those invoices.  And, now, just now, I see that my friend (living in my apartment) is on Skype now.  I may just take this brief moment of inspiration to reach out to him.  Deep breath....

I can take these little steps.  But how to keep it up?  And how to really "recover", not just survive, until the next bad bout strikes again...? 

Thank you for reading.  Thank you for existing!

welcome back :)

Hi rowyourboat,

I just finished reading this entire thread and got to the last post, your update, and I'd just like to say well done and welcome back. 


It's an inside job...

thanks for the welcome back

it is comforting to know that someone out there was reading! hope there was useful information there.  hope there is much tickling forward in your life!

yo what's up looks like

yo what's up

looks like you got to get some stuff done, well let's talk about your procrastination for a second. I want to tell you some good news your fears, about everything falling apart are motivating you to seek out change. And this more than likely means you will change. The question is how long will it take and to what extent will you improve. Now, if you want to make this long lasting I wouldn't congratulate yourself too much for starting just now. Because at this point you have left things off for such a long time. Pat yourself on the back though it does take bravery. Now, if you want a long lasting change you're gonna have to learn to structure your life yourself without an outside institution (school, work, etc) pressuring you. You see when I first got to medical school I was use to having more structure but in medical school there are no assigments only exams and not just one exam at a time a block of 5-9 in a week, and no one is there to check your progress. Oh man this was difficult for me especially since I procrastinated alot. Throughout this school year I have oscillated through periods in which I worked  consistanly everyday and which I slogged back to my procrastination. But everytime I make another attempt I get a little better, a little more understanding of what's the right way. Currently I have come to the realization that the structured organized person never tries to do great things, but instead does many small things and therefore accomplishes greatness (tao te ching). So now I try to do 2 hrs of study a day and that's it I'm not trying to be a hero any longer but rather just a humble steady working student. The contrast is beautiful and I feel much more at ease doing small things then big things. So get yourself out of this mess you've dug yourself into but realize that this sort of gallantry will be transient at best in my opinion. Work on becoming a disciplined person who picks up one bucket of water at a time and carries it with focus up the stream.

wiseicemountainguy! thank you.

hey there.  thanks for responding.  and wow.  responding in such the perfect register.  what you wrote was just what I needed to hear.  not what I necessarily WANTED to hear.  but I already knew what I wanted to hear wasn't going to help.  I always want to think it just takes one bold step and a corner is turned!  and of course corners can be turned, but then it's not about turning corners only, is it?  it's about greatness being achieved by small, consistent, disciplined, intentional steps.  and it is true.  greatness is what I want.  it used to be I wanted it in a shallow way and that is exactly what I got.  so, yeah, when I was in law school, I thought I had taught myself discpline, but I hadn't.  you described it perfectly.  I would oscillate between working like a dog and procrastinating like a baby. either way, there was an addictive impulse lurking about.  so yes, it's time to stop trying to be a hero.  that's where it all goes wrong.  humility.  that sounds like an important ingredient to making a lasting change.  confusing though of course because I suspect procrastination is connected to self-loathing and so one deduces: self confidence!  that's the trick!  but there are no tricks are there?  

in your example of 2hours of studying everyday.  seems to me that it's not what you are DOING, 2 hours instead of 8 hours, etc... but that you've accepted yourself.  you are someone who will do his best, be his best, be his most at ease, studying 2 hours a day.  Not much more, not much less.  at least at this moment.  sounds like you are getting to know yourself, objectively, no self loathing, no self congratulation.  just knowing your strengths, your limitations, working with what you've got. pushing yourself the right amount. rewarding yourself the right amount.

so I see this a little more clearly these days. how addicted I am to highs. which would be just fine except for the nagging problem that highs inevitably have lows.  so, yes, be calm. don't blow your whole wad.  (this is me talking to myself) don't expect that once a corner is turned, it's easy street.  not that it has to be all that HARD.  in fact, stop romantizing the great big struggles. if you're in a hole, stop digging!  I guess learn how to build a ladder?  

ok, fine.  today, one bucket.  tomorrow, another bucket. 

thanks again for writing. 

well you've given me some

well you've given me some insight to my present condition yes. It is true when we look at things objectively or even better put from a more peaceful calm state. Then we realize that nothing is really big in fact I wrote on this earlier in another post somewhere. I do enjoy writing in fact this site gives me the ability to write something which isn't required of me as much these days. Enough on the side chat tangent though. 

why does anything ever feel overwhelming let's take differential calculus or taking the LSAT for instance or passing the BARR. Because you look at it in it's totality. You look at the subject with new eyes and anticipate how much work and difficulty it will take to master or even have a working understanding of these entities. 

Now let's even make it similar how bout just doing one assignment for instance, I need to get through about 20 pages of anatomy between today and tomorrow. Now this feels difficult right now in fact I don't really want to do it at all. But what if I say 1 page let's just read one page, even that seem hard. Now ok then I'm just gonna take the book and lay it down on the desk and look at it for a while and then read one paragraph. You my mind can probably handle this so I do it and begin. And this inertia you gain from this tiny step moves you forward.

All the fear comes from overload from the anticipation of how hard things can be, whether you will do a good job or not etc. But it's so illogical to think in this sense why? You have gone through law school so I'm sure you would see that the very basic premise to that argument is false.

The argument: This task is scary

 it is scary because there is so much to do, and it feels overwhelming I have to get so much done.

But in reality can you work any faster then one calculation or thought at a time?

no in fact you spend your entire day doing things, thinking thoughts, making calculation leading to decisions. One process at a time. 

the only reason tasks seem so insurmountable are because your brain groups all the nessecary steps into one and it feels like you need to accomplish more then one thing at a time, when in fact you can't it's impossible mauhahaahah.

so then your autonomic nervous system (symphathetic divison) starts to fire off and have a stress response. Your brain goes (uh oh danger somethings wrong) and you begin to feel anxiety and pressure, nervousness and have somatic symptoms. Your body starts to respond to a mundane task like doing your taxes the same way it would do to a predator attacking. You feel overwhelmed scared and then what do you do, you say hi to your old friend "procrastination" and then you end up surfing the internet to avoid the anxiety.hahahaha you see endless loop. We think our brains are so smart but they can be quite stupid and primitive at times.

but you control that brain of yours and can overide these primitive instincts, by breaking things down and seeing them for what they really are. I think someone on this site (Journey I believe) says "one step at a time." 

good luck 

I needed something more than structure/discipline

For some of us (such as myself) ... all our efforts to self-impose structure and discipline ... don't work.

For those of us (such as myself) where this is true ...

... what is needed is a "BetterCourseOfAction" or a "higherpower" or the "WisdomOfRecovery" ... something higher/better than my own planning which had never worked.

Here at PA,

  • you'll find members using their own willpower, and it works for them.
  • You'll also find members whose willpower never worked and needed "a power greater than the little self" to help them.
  • Each of us has to find our own path to recovery.

What is great is that we all accept each other and work alongside one another!

Welcome rowyourboat and thanks, Movingalong!!

rowyourboat, thank you for your courageous post. Personally, I DO have to congratulate myself when I start. In fact, there are neuroscientific studies that demonstrate that when we dwell on the positive things and accomplishments -- really consciously make an effort to take them in and sit with them for a few moments -- we actually build new neural pathways and change our brain chemistry. This is really powerful! I've been trying to do it more often, because the truth is, my constant dismissing of what I DO do and focus on what I don't is just fuel for my procrastination -- another symptom of the thinking that nothing can be enough/good enough. That's beautiful food for my procrasination to soak up. 

Moving along, I want to thank you SO much for your beautiful post about how our HP comes into this. Despite the best of tools and suggestions, I am sometimes (often) unable to put them into action until I really have a change of heart that I don't necessarily have my own will power to muster up. That's where the Steps come in, and I don't always hear PA's discussing them as much as in some other fellowships. I've had my own doubts through the years, but I've seen a lot of people dramatically change their lives through working the 12 simple steps of this program (they say they're "simple but not easy"), with the support of other people who have walked the path, and that gives me hope.

Thanks, again, to both of you, and thanks to everyone for being here!  

also nicely put

hi there...

you are absolutely right that trying to "impose structure and discipline" would not work for me.  imposing anything doesn't really work.  I mean it works for a spell, but eventually I poop out.  interestingly, I didn't take mountainguy's comments as suggesting that I make better plans or impose structure or discipline, what spoke to me was his advice to not try and be a hero.  

what I decided to take from that is to just love myself exactly the way I am.  someone who can do X today, and Y tomorrow, whatever. procrastination seems to have something to do with expecting too much out of yourself and not being able to stomach that you can't always live up to that expectation.  and I think this is related to your point.  I suppose in actually being able to love myself as I am, I do have to rely on some higher wisdom that tells me that my love for myself is not conditional.  I don't literally have to carry one bucket each day up that hill.  I just have to carry what I can.  Do it intentionally.  Not because some structure has imposed it on me.  And be happy with that little bucket or drop.  Or somedays, it will be intentionally laying the friggin bucket down for a friggin day and go have a picnic.

thank you for helping me think/feel through that a little more.  consistency doesn't mean actualyl doign the same thing everyday I don't think.  it may simply mean being present everyday.

and so we go! 

I echo Clement - beautiful

I echo Clement - beautiful awareness and the practice of learning to accept myself EXACTLY as I am today has been very powerful in freeing me up to change, somehow. When I finally realized that the same old "whip" wasn't working, I finally became willing to pick up "the feather". I sometimes still fall into beating myself up, but I have a better perspective on it now, and I can more quickly get out of the vortex of beating myself and then the behavior only becoming worse. 

hi rowyourboat

You seem to me at least to have a better grasp on what's going on than most people here on their first day. You sound like a veteran ;) Mind me asking where / how you came to your realizations about yourself / your condition? You only have to answer if / as much as you feel comfortable.

I just wanted to say that for decades i was always trying to "turn the corner" until it just went on for so long i had to admit it just wasn't going to happen. Perhaps that was my middle age crisis.

i also want to echo what both of you said, i work better with EXTERNAL structure. Or binging. My own structure really has never worked. If i'm being honest with myself. But if i'm in an env where alot of the decisions are made for me, and i just have to go along, then a lot of the choices and freedom are out of my hands, then it is easier for me. As you said it's that freedom that i can't make good use of.

The other thing i can do is binge-work. The other side of the procrastination addiction. Many people come here always having gotten by with binging, until for whatever reason that stopped working for them. I was that way for the first 5 years of my career, but since then, binging is just not enuf.

For me also the perfectionism was huge. Cuz if i can't do it great, then it's hard to do it at all, and i just can't do alot of thing great. A few things, every once in a while, maybe. So looking back it has been a hard rode for me to have to do so many things "just ok." Wow, even writing that, just now, it doesnt sit well with me. That urge to do great is still there. It's just been beat into submission again and again.

You asked how to help yourself, so my best recommendatinos are our regular hang-outs the Daily Check-ins at (you can see today's on the right sidebar), and chat at which is also in a tab at the top.

Use the tools however they work for you. Check-in is the more permanent, concrete to do list - accountability place to start your day and refer back to and keep yourself on goal.

The chat is an ongoing motivational tool to help you stick to your check in. It's also a place to "talk yourself thru things."

more info on the mechanics of checking in is at url:

I'm so glad you found this site and i wish you the very best recovery here. God bless.

the touch of the master's hand:

fall down seven times, get up eight - japanese proverb


hi clement

thanks for the writing!  and thanks for the all of the helpful practical tools.  I used the check in forum yesterday and it helped.  and in general using the microburst strategy helps. I have heard for a long time this idea of breaking things down into smaller steps, which always sounded reasonable enough, but never really worked for me.  I think because there was an aspect to it that comes naturally to some people, but when I am in a procrastinator's ditch, the task of breaking things into smaller tasks, only felt like yet another task and would stump me.  after finding this site and trying to examine more deeply how bad procrastination works, I am understanding more that if I want to truly kick this little devil in the tukkhas I am going to have to learn both feel differently given the same stimulus, and until I am able to to do that and in order to do that, I am going to have to learn to react differently when certain emotional responses (i.e. anxiety/fear) are triggered.  so the discovery for me the other day was, break down/define the task based on how it made me feel. What I aimed for was to find the task that seemed possible, hard but possible, and that did NOT evoke the panic/overwhelmedness feeling. I did the task and before the sense of fear, panic, overwhelmedness could really rear it's ugly head, I stopped.  And sorted of patted myself on the head.  Later I was able to do a little more, and the next day, a little more using the same principle. (As I was writing this I realized that I hadn't don't anything on it today and so just did 3 minutes on it... hard, but not panicky, and done, and now I feel a little less scared about it).  Anyway, I am playing with the idea that I should learn how to do these things on a regular basis WITHOUT feeling deep terrible fear/dread, shame, punishment and INSTEAD just  a kind of manageable anxiety, immediately followed by a sense of accomplishment. This is the skill I am trying to develop.  And also to be able to quickly identify when a task evokes the fear/dread/shame feeling.  So that as soon as I feel that, I can take notice, compassionate intentional notice.  That's really the key, not to run away from the feeling but to look at the feeling, be with the feeling.  I am the boss, not IT. And then of course, try to take appropriate action.

So you asked me why I don't sound like a first-timer... I have to admit, my ego really liked your question!  Sometimes I feel that I have been working so long at all of this exploring Innerspace stuff and to no avail, that I am the forever beginner at everything I do.  I even asked myself Why did it take you so long to find PA?  But your question made me feel as though there is an accumulation taking place, a progression and while there continue to be ebbs and flows, and returning to seemingly the same goddamn place you started from, but, hey, maybe just maybe there is a spiraling upwards. 

To answer you a little bit, I suppose in addition to talk therapy which I did a bunch of many years ago, last year I started practicing Vipassana meditation again.  I had taken a 10 day course a few years back, but I didn't keep up with the practice.  And then last year, afte coming out of a difficult life situation (job, relationship, etc) I felt this strong desire to revisit Vipassana and took another 10 day course.  And this had a profound effect.  I practiced daily after that for awhile, but then stopped for about 4 months over the winter when things got very busy with my work and this is when the procrastination really took a turn for the terrible. 

And you?  Have you been able to kick the procrastination addiction?  And are you able to have your freedom and also maintain discipline?  If there are good stories out there about "successful" recoveries, I would sure like to hear them about now. Now that corner has been turned (for the umpteenth time), I could use some inspiration to keep going steady.

Thanks again for your words and compassion. 

break it down and/or microbursting

So i was thinking of what you said about breaking it down being another task itself, and thinking that that would probably not help me, and yet "break it down" does tend to help me and i was wondering about that. Then this morning as i had to use break it down to get going i realized what it was.

The way i use break it down is that i do not actually make a list of all the sub tasks. So perhaps what i'm doing isn't really break it down.

Maybe it's microbursting. Or next right action. Hmmm that last one sounds best.

In detail it is this: i can't face the whole next task, so i will just chop off a tiny bit, however small it needs to be to seem like i can do it now. The key is to convince myself that a tiny bit makes any difference at all. That historically has been hard to believe, but these days i do. Not sure exactly how my belief changed. But the focus on just this very next, small task is the key. Then once i'm done with that, i will see where i am. I might be able to do another small slice, or i might not, doesnt matter i have blinders on about just the one small part in front of me.

so, i havn't addressed any of the rest of the task. The only part that's broken down is the very first step.

So i'm not sure what to call that? But that's what does work for me.

the touch of the master's hand:

fall down seven times, get up eight - japanese proverb


more on microbursting at ...

... this link:
That was the original "microbursting" article.

For something similar,
there's "just get the file out" at

yes, microbursting and get-the-file-out

yep, both those describe what i do. and i did NOT get distracted. It only took me 7 min to read the start of the 1st article and the 2nd one. Small victory there.

the touch of the master's hand:

fall down seven times, get up eight - japanese proverb


Rowyourboat: Vipassana!

Oh, wow. I've been reading this message train anachronistically, but now I understand why we're on such the same page with the acceptance -- I also practice vipassana and it's been ENORMOUSLY powerful for me, really life-changing. 

Awesome to hear about the impact it's had in your life!

Metta :) 


i looked up Vipassana on the internet. It's a very new area to me, so i will read / absorb at some reasonable pace over tne next who knows how long. I'm always learning so...

So do you think that gave you more insight about yourself and your mechanisms, say, than you would have otherwise had? Cuz i guess there's insight about the world, or truth, maybe, or the spiritual realm, and then there's insight about "myself". I guess Vipassana or other spiritual pursuits could give a person either or both.

I did feel like i could see the evidence of the talk therapy in your comments. I have done that too and it appears there's to describe it...a commonality[?] in the way it's practiced? But i felt like i could see more stuff, so i asked.

But i also felt like you had some insight into procrastination itself. Did you glean that from this site before you posted, or other sources, or your meditation?

So yeah i think you can feel good about the quest to understand yourself. My experience, however, is that understanding myself and putting that into practice are two totally separate things. I shudder to think about all of the time management philosophies, or prayer regimens or whatever i tried before my PA days. They never worked. Cuz "being consistent" with them was the problem all along. Being consistent with *anything* was the problem.

Interesting (i personally dont believe in coincidences--i believe everything happens for a reason) you ask me how's my recovery going and you catch me on a day where my procrastination is the worst it's been in, oh maybe a year. Funny to sit here, paralyzed, and feel "yes this used to be SOOO familiar, and now it feels like a bit of a distant memory." It is paramount to my personal recovery, in fact, to believe that i can never "kick" procrastination. So i guess today is an excellent example of why. For so much of my life when a day like today would happen, it would send me into a counter-productive spiral questioning what's wrong with me, no matter what i have to do something so this never happens again, etc etc. So now that i've accepted the "disease model" (as they say) of procrastination, today causes me no such crisis. I am just experiencing "a flair up". Nothing's changed. Wow, i didnt even realize til writing this now how beneficial this is. I have a belief that even tho today might be a total bust, tomorrow could very well be a normal day--ie the new normal of living in recovery.

So one thing that almost always works for me when i get stuck, and i am having trouble doing something productive, is coming to this site. That always encourages me. But even THAT i could not do today. But, after several hours and a nap, i could. So i guess i "rode it out" and reading here and posting and thinking about all these things have made me feel a little better. I'm not out of the woods, but i've turned the corner for today. That's an interesting way of putting it that feels accurate to my experience: i have to turn the corner each day. I have enuf motivation to start trying to do the things that i have found work for me. And i guess i know from the years here that all i need is that little bit to start, and the tools and the fellowship here and my prayers will keep me going.

the touch of the master's hand:

fall down seven times, get up eight - japanese proverb


checking with with you Clement & sharing stories

dear Clement,  how are you today?  I wanted to write and check in even if it is very belated.  I am sorry for having gone silent.  I hope you will see this and forgive.

After those first good days, just like Mountainguy predicted, I fell off the wagon.  I moved from one city to another (I was traveling abroad back in March) and when I got to the next city, I just couldn't get back on the horse.  In some ways it was good, because I needed a break from the computer.  On the other hand, everyday, I harbored a very stressful feeling that I SHOULD be working on the computer.  This lasted for almost 2 weeks.  I had invoices that I had to complete in order to get paid for work I had done almost a year before.  I came back to the US in late March and then it would take me another almost 2 weeks to tackle those invoices.  In the end something that had been torturing myself with for over a year took me about 6 hours to do.  I made a promise to a friend who was very supportive that I would START the invoices the next day. The next day, I spent all day avoiding starting the invoices.  I think I had only managed to open the files about 30 minutes before she had come home from work.  Then she ran out for an errand, and when she came back 30 minutes later, I had made my first entries on the invoices and was exhausted by the experience.  I congratualted myself for what I had been able to do and then we went out to dinner.  The next day, I managed to work on the invoices for about 5 hours straight and finished them.  When my friend got home we went out for an even nicer dinner!  So that was a success story.  I used the micro bursting or "taking right action" that we discussed. I really owe it to PA that I was able to fidn a way in to what felt like an insurmountable task.

 I wonder how things have been for you, Clement?  Were you able to "ride out" that flare up?  (Anyone else who was on this conversation want to check in and share how they have been?)

Well the above story was back in March.  Now it is July!  Things have been pretty rough since then.  There was no miraculous corner turned.  After spending some time at my friend's house,  I moved back to a city where I used to live.  Back to my old apartment, and my old boyfriend.  I had some hopes that I would spend this "time off" from my work to start writing creatively again.  I have taken a 2+ year haitus from that.  I also thought I would volunteer and get on top of some other things I had been getting behind on.  Well, what actually happened was I go depressed.  I ended up spending a lot of time just being "house girlfriend", doign household things, which was fine at first, even enjoyable, but then I unravelled.  I didn't handle being at home all day alone when my boyfriend was at work.  It triggered some very old childhood trauma.  I struggled with it sort of unconsciously for awhile by myself, then it became obvious and things in my relationship with my boyfriend took turn for the ugly.  And at the turn, it allowed me to look even more honestly and deeply at myself.  

 I feel that it might be useful to share that I came to understand that at least some of my prcorastination has its roots from very very early.  About a year ago, I finally had the courage to talk to my mother openly about the fact that I as sexually abused by my grandfather as a child.  I had known this for a long time but had never spoken about it with anyone in my family. She confirmed for me that she had known this had happened, but hoped I had forgotten.  She then told me that it started when I was around 3 years old.  We were separated for awhile, but then for about 3+ years I lived with my parents and grandfather, and the abuse continued, until he died when I was 8.  After that, I was almost always left alone at home afterschool for many many hours.  During which time I was supposed to do homework, pactice piano and do housework.  I hardly did those things and spent most of those afterschool hours watching TV. (My parents ran their own business and would come home for a late dinner or would drop off some fast food around dinner time and go back to work.)  

Somehow I never made the connection between this past and my procrastination.  But now it seems so obvious and now I understand why it comes and goes and why when it comes it is so hard to overcome.   

My boyfriend and I managed to pull through the ugliness (for the most part).  I have restarted talk therapy and also started co-counseling with a process called RC ("Re-evaluation Counseling").  I highly recommend RC for anyone with unresolved traumas. There are chapters all around the world.  Usually it is organized into a community of people, and to participate is basically free.  I am also taking supplements for my depressive symptoms, trying to make sure I exercise and meditate everyday, eat well, sleep enough.  And instead of trying to work from home, I am paying $300/month to a co-working space so that I don't have to be alone at home trying to do 'my homework'! I am also experiementing with hypnosis and Process Work, and just doing as much reading and learning as I can about trauma, depression and healing, including some good programs online at the National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine, and from some audio programs from "new agey" sources like Sounds True.

I am getting better and learning a lot about myself, but the procrastination is still a struggle. I can see now how much shame and fear I have internalized, and how I have always tried to motivate myself by threats and punishment, i.e. "beating myself up", instead of tickling myself forward (thanks to previous poster -- sorry forgot your name-- for the tickling metaphor!)

So here I am again...back on PA.   I think being here will help.  Writing helps.  Knowing I am not alone helps.  

Last week was a hard week.  Last night was a hard night.  This morning was a hard morning.  But I feel hopeful now.  I feel more patient with myself. Being patient, I just realized, means believing in yourself.  Being patient is not some sort of indulgence. It means, under difficult circumstances, being able to stay positive in your perseverence because you have confidence that the outcome you desire can be achieved.

Thank you for reading.