In a BIG hole
Good Morning everyone,
I'm grateful for this forum. I am seeing
positive change in my life and encouragement. But I know if I don't
keep working my program, that will change quickly into disappointment,
despair and blaming others.
I work for a small company and over
the years I have taken on too many responsibilities. I never really took
all of them seriously, only the most immediate ones. And my excuse was
that those tasks took all my time from 9am to 7pm, so how could I
possibly be caught up with EVERYTHING? Well the end result of that kind
of thinking is, we are about 200K in the hole. Because I didn't even try
to stay caught up. So I didn't really know that I had taken on too
much. I just thought I was lazy, and felt justified. Anyway, this has
happened several times over the years and I always dug us out of the
hole because I CAN work hard when I want to. But this time is by far the
worst. I got fired from one position and the only reason I didn't get fired from both was that I'm the only one who knows how to collect the money and we need it, like yesterday, to be able to pay our operating expenses. And it almost sank our company. So now I'm looking at the BIG
task of getting caught up. Already somewhat fruitful, but I am SO scared
that I will let everything slip again after I dig us out.
So my wish and sincere desire and also greatest fear is to stay caught up with my work and not let this horror happen again. I may, just maybe, may be able to keep my job (which I love) afte this is all said and done. It feels like such a joke and I feel so full of shame when I think about it, I have been this way all of my life, so why do I expect to be able to change now?
I feel like if I can just do one day, one moment, one task at a time, with God's grace, I can change.
Thank you for listening.