In Need of a Real Addiction
This will likely come across as crass, but I have pondered it for a long time and feel there is some merit in these words. I don't feel like I have a legitimate addiction, or even one at all. Many are recovering alcoholics, drug users - even potheads have a claim to dependency. I don't use drugs or stimulants of any kind. The most I can claim is an Internet addiction; it's a pathetic attempt to seem legitimate in the midst of these horror stories. I attended an open AA meeting yesterday and was encouraged by the amount of recovery there, but my shame was even greater. Here were people whose minds and organs were assaulted through constant drunkenness who managed to turn their lives around. They raised families and held jobs in the midst of their alcoholism. And I can't get my house in order because of Internet addiction and procrastination? It's laughable. There's nothing hard or legitimate about my so-called addiction. I have considered becoming a drug addict for the sole reason of having an excuse for failure.
The general public doesn't understand why some people don't or can't "JUST DO IT," "it" being whatever assignment is at hand. I dropped a client last year because I failed to complete their website; in truth, I worked no more than 15 minutes on it over the course of 11 months. It was an assignment I never should have agreed to, but I'll do pretty much anything to save face. Rather than saying, "I can't or won't do what you require" I postone the inevitable with specious updates of "progress" that satisfy the client for a few days longer. But it's all a distraction from the ultimate truth: that nothing is getting done and there's no plan to do so.