So this is it ?
I am a 44 years old guy from Germany, so I am not a native English speaker.
Three years ago, I lost my job as a web developer, which I was able to hold for nearly eight years, constantly battling procrastination. Finally procrastination won. I was not able to start new projects any more. This state persisted, so my boss had no other choice than to fire me. I have been unemployed since then, partly because I procrastinated on job search, partly because it is nearly impossible here in Germany to get another job if your resume shows that you failed in one.
I am living on my saved money, which was meant to be my old age provisions. Of course I could apply for social welfare. In Germany, you are allowed to keep a certain amount of your savings when you live on welfare, you don't have to spend all of it. But living on welfare means poverty, and poverty means discomfort, and I fear nothing more than discomfort. So I procrastinate on applying for welfare. I am afraid I will not apply for welfare until all of my money has been spent.
I never had a relationship with a woman, because of course I procrastinated on dating. I have some physical health problems which get worse every year. It seems as if I would have to live the rest of my life in poverty, loneliness and physical pain. In one old forum entry, I read that if you evade discomfort, discomfort will finally overwhelm you. I think now is the time I have to experience this on my own.
When I think about my future, I feel sheer terror and hopelessness.
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I can tell you right now that you're not the only one who's feeling sheer terror and hopelessness when thinking of the future. You can count me in. I'm in my mid-20s, and yet I feel "over-the-hill" for the things I didn't do for myself. And I'm as guilty as you are on procrastinating with dating.
Sometimes I think being in a relationship with somebody might help/force us to be more motivated to take care of ourselves so the people we're involved with won't leave us. But I know all too well that motivation must come from within our own. Can't rely on others to police us.
But age ain't nothing but a number, right? Everyday's a new day, and so long as we're 6 feet above ground, we can do something to change our circumstances. I understand what you're going through.
"That which the fool does in the end, the wise man does in the beginning." -- R. C. Tench
Holy crap dude that's so scary how you almost look like me in 10yrs
time , I mean like same line of work (I was a webdeveloper before doing
system engineering)and employment/financial status. It did look hopeless
for me as well but having a clear goal for the future (in my case going
back to school) really helped my outlook , fighting the procrastination devil isn't easy for me either I unconsciously sabotage
myself on every step but now that I recognize the behaviour I am
achieving things, baby steps
You want to become a physicist (you said this in your first ever post) ? Well, I am a physicist, I studied physics. Achieving this goal did not help much with my procrastination.
i relate, harry
i have not lost my job, but i have been close. 2 years i received "needs improvement" raitings.
But there is hope.
Last year was the first year i did not receive a "needs to be more productive" comment. i'm 45. i've been this way since i was 15.
I am here to recover. I logged in today to promise myeslf to make a schedule. You'll see my post eventually in the daily checkins thread for today, Tuesday November 29, 2011
Many have come here in a similar position to you. They have made progress in their lives. I dont know what you believe about God or Fate but by whatever means or forces or luck you have managed to make your way to a place where people recover from compulsive, addictive procrastination. Together. There is Hope!
the touch of the master's hand: http://procrastinators-anonymous.org/node/1898#comment-27748
"fall down seven times, get up eight" - japanese proverb
Be confident. Stay focused. One thing at a time.