Sucking up my pride and maybe getting help
Hello to anyone reading,
I discovered this site over a month ago and and am tremulously taking the plunge from reading to contributing. It is difficult for me to believe that I have legitimate issues that require assistance, a step that must occur if one is to seek treatment. I don't suffer from chronic illness (except congestion), nor do I have any verified mental disorders. I don't weigh myself down with drugs of any kind; even coffee and antihistamines are verboten to me. But things haven't been working. I procrastinate over the simplest things, even brushing my teeth or going to the bathroom. When I was living on my own I would often eat a dinner of crackers and peanut butter rather than go to the supermarket a kilometer away. Instead of starting a school paper or project I would read a book that had been assigned years ago - anything to avoid the reality of work. People accuse me of mere laziness, and I'm not sure they're wrong. In any event, I don't want to accept responsibility mostly because I will disappoint those who trusted me to get something done.
Here's a short list of things that I have failed to achieve:
becoming an Eagle Scout
getting any sort of IT certification
a relationship with a woman lasting longer than six months
a website for a family member's church (I took the project in January but haven't done more than 10 minutes' worth of work)
being a good programmer
making my own website
fluency in another language
I am jobless, virtually friendless with no prospects on the horizon. Clients will sometimes call me with computer questions, but this is a far cry from being the professional I say I am. I call myself a web designer, although I haven't produced anything. I haven't dated in six years and have no hopes for a girlfriend. Everything seems like a dead end. I could continue, but this has turned into a disgusting pity-fest.