Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.

So tired... so over it... <sigh>

Here I am once again, tired and hopelessly entangled by this self-sabotaging habit. Cry

Do y'all ever find yourselves asking what the hell's your problem, because I sure find myself asking that lately. Then again, in the past, I've asked myself that and I still haven't found an answer. That probably explains why I'm still procrastinating.

I find myself retreating to a better life inside my head (daydreaming)--an ideal life for me or someone else's life--'cause it's too painful for me to live out my life when I know all too well I've spectacularly sabotaged my opportunities. My friends from college are long gone. They've grown, moved on and became competent adults. Y'know, the kinds that can actually handle responsibility and are reliable to themselves and to others. I on the other hand, am stuck. Numerically advancing in age (mid 20s), yet my life accomplishments don't match up... I feel like the oldest 24 year old with nothing to show for. And the current dreary economy isn't helping, too. I'm no better than a drug addict, I suppose. After all, I'm addicted with procrastinating on the things that make me grow (college, career, etc..). I know it's bad, yet the urge to flop pulls me right back, missing my success in the process. It's hard to see old friends basking in their new-found, hard-earned success. It's not that I can't be happy for them. It's just that it reminds me of my own opportunities marred by my chronic procrastination.

I've lost a great deal of trust in myself. For all the broken promises and lies, I feel like I don't know myself anymore. And if there's this saying that we have to love ourselves before we can ever love someone else, then I've failed in that, too. I'm ashamed. Truly ashamed. It's like I'm my own spouse, but the way I treat my spouse is I betray him, have numerous adulterous affairs behind his back (i.e. opting aimless leisurely trivialities over pressing, productive priorities), then apologizing just to betray him and do it all over again. I make my spouse (me) feel lonely, unloved, neglected, and far worse than second-best. Why do I (and 'we' severe procrastinators) treat myself this way? Do I lack compassion or even common sense to do right?

I want nothing more than to fall back madly in love with the man in the mirror, tell him it's gonna be ok, and that it's not too late for him and I to make it right. I want so much to make him see that he can love me enough to try again, so we can pick up the pieces from this fiasco and self-infidelity, reconcile and recover that trust... trust to live life with firm accountability, reliability, and productivity.

I just want to be eager to reach success and to not fear and avoid the stepping stones that lead there. I mean, don't I deserve just as much? don't I owe it to myself, after many years self-sabotaging?

I just wanna love me again.

Just venting. If y'all can relate, please reply.

Add another one to the list

This post hits really close to home. For me, procrastination is the belief that taking responsibility for myself or others will end poorly, that I don't have the right to burden anybody else with our failures. But this is just an excuse. At the same time one might see the success of our peers and wonder what went wrong in our own lives. Why the self-sabotage? What is really holding us back from consistent action? It's a daily mystery that has been tackled head-on by this site, but nothing will ever convince someone to go forward if he or she doesn't want to. 

 High school and college were filled with the same thoughts, Taka. The strongest belief wasn't hope but the insistence that it was "too late." It always seemed too late to make a change, to be a success, to have stability. I wish I could offer some help, but I'm in the same boat as you. Maybe the smallest change imaginable is preferrable to another wasted day. 

Failure to Launch


 Thanks for all the replies, y'all. I'm glad y'all can relate what I'm going through. And yes, aren't we a self-hating bunch! It's hard to think of myself as one if my other half always seems to seek out my destruction, while my other side fights to stay afloat.

 I suppose the main beef I have with my chronic procrastination is the resulting "failure to launch" consequence. I used to be a very driven, independent person with clear prospects and goals. But procrastination has robbed me of that clarity. And now I'm just aimlessly wandering in a fog (most of the time)--a limbo of sorts, where everything is stalled (sometimess unwillingly). I think the procrastinators here who are already accomplished (financially, professionally, relationship-wise, academically, etc..) are a bit more lucky than us 20-somethings struggling to find our place in the world.

So any advice out there? Any words of consolation? Thanks in advance.

 "That which the fool does in the end, the wise man does in the beginning." -- R. C. Tench

It's not too late!

You've taken a step in the right direction.  Welcome Taka! 

I value my time and use it wisely - Journey

absolutely relate

this spiral is so confusing. i'm going to try some coaching and see if that can help me get back on track. reading your post was like reading my own diary.