Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.

First post as a P.A. member

12 March, 2011 - 5:18pm - Theomatix

Alright so I just signed up to P.A. and i'm sure i'm not alone with where do I start so...

I'm 25 years old and just moved back from vancouver B.C. Canada to the small town where my dad lives to work and save money to move to NYC. My mom is american so I can work both places.

I've got the dream to act but have sabotaged myself repeatedly in my efforts to get where I want to go with it. I spent time going to schools where I didn't want to go and going along with other peoples ideas of what would be best for me. I tend to have issues saying no to people and go along half-assing everything I do in a silent resistance to not being honest to myself and grudgingly doing peoples bidding (I realize its me.)

Anything I deem serious as a life commitment I will avoid and excuse myself how ever I can find possible (endless). I realize the things I want to do and how I want to do them are surrounded with public perception and therefor will not allow myself to do it fully unless i am 100% committed and the best me I can be (again I realize what I am doing). Anyway I have never gone with my heart for a relationship or committed to really anything I truly wanted to do, I just flounder around and try to take my mind off of these things telling myself mostly I will get there and it will be worth it because I'll find my way there.

 I have issues with religion and putting the weight and responsibility somewhere else, issues with listening to advise which is one reason I think I am still in this lifestyle (A reason I don't bring it up and it gets bigger and bigger is most of the time people try to tell me how to fix my issues as if it is as simple as pointing to a map and the exit... Tough to find someone to just listen especially since I chronically deny anyone intimately entering my honest life to a certain point).

 I am however terrific at facade and creating just enough balance so I can get by without any issues socially. Everyone thinks I am right on my path to stardom and working hard for my own way in... Right. I work hard enough looking like I am working hard. But that doesn't translate. One reason I feel fit for acting is my ability to be actively living and in the moment I am in and at the same time quite aware of how I appear outside of my own perception (to a point).

 I constantly tell myself all these things I need to be doing; eating and exercising well, Reading as many scripts as I can, Learning as much about the people I want to work with (and those I may end up working with) as possible, watching everything, learning the business... etc.

 I'm pretty much an everything or nothing person inside (and for the most part its the latter) But I get away with my appearance so consistently I am frightened to accept completely the facade I've lived with and the lack of really living I've accepted for so long and the consistent lie I've allowed to infect every person in my life. I am ashamed and afraid of who I even am anymore. Am I even capable of these major dreams I've built into myself? 

 This is way long so I'll end there, thats where I'm at. 6-8 months away from NYC working, saving, figuring it out.

 So far I am glad this site exists. It seems completely warranted as an addiction and there is really nothing out there about it aside from this and some bit articles.. Thanks 

‹ again again 1st Post, wondering where to start ›

Hi, Theomatix!

Sammy - 15 Mar 2011 - 3:08pm

Welcome to PA. I hope you find everything you are looking for, here. I think you'll find you're definitely not alone in your struggles... You'll find lots of people to relate to. There are even several of us here in your age range, trying to figure out the college/real life transition. I'd love to "just listen." Shoot me an email if you ever need someone to do that. Hope to see you around...Keep coming back!

Welcome!

gemini - 15 Mar 2011 - 12:45pm

Hope you will find some good support and ideas here :-) I'm pretty new myself.

I don't know anything about acting as a career or how to pursue it, so I can't really offer any advice there. But, the one thing I can say is to be careful not to spend so much time thinking and planning around it that you manage to avoid actually doing it. That is something I do (in different areas of course).

Best of luck identifying your methods of procrastinating and moving past them :-)

that is good advice. I do

Theomatix - 16 Mar 2011 - 11:20am

that is good advice. I do tend to think and plan over just going and doing it. It doesn't feel like the way to go but is comfortable to plan and not act. My experience definitely supports the "just do it" ethic which of course is a pain to keep consistent at. A balance between the two chords is what I'd like to find for myself. More or less i think a solid understanding of where I am, where I want to go, and who I am is essential to making conducive decisions for my life. Easily said :)

Welcome Theomatic

kdzee - 15 Mar 2011 - 11:32am

 Kdzee I Grew up where people always tried to tell me what they thought was best for me..... I'm 58, and my Mom just told me my hair is too long, and makes me look older... even though it is styled.... My youngest son who is 26, who is a controversy Rap artist, has made his own career choice, and is graduating from collage this semester in broadcasting... my only advice was to do what he wants as a vocation.... I feel religion can also be a way to control....  So I just take what I want, and leave the rest.... I realise today I have to make small steps to get to where I have my big goal...I'm glad you could join us Theomatic....  

Thank you fr the tips, I'll

Theomatix - 15 Mar 2011 - 11:01am

Thank you fr the tips, I'll be checking those places out and getting accquInted with the site alittle more... I think you're right about the acting. Funny thing is how when I do have a deep and real conversation with, say, my brother, how there is always a transparency.

Same here when i am with someone I can feel something out of place, some aspect of what is being presented is out of wack or fabricated. I think about this when Igo about living this way and think "no one is buying this really..." but if nothing is said, then it is left in the shadows and atleast in the open I feel like I ge away with it... I do wonder what people say when I am not there anymore, nOt wanting the gossip but just the real conversations about me. Un altered perceptions and social reactions. I think it would be refreshing, if not alittle neive, to see that angle and get some honest outside perspectives

acting

Crazybug - 14 Mar 2011 - 10:50am

I think many of us are skilled at acting. It's when we can no longer cover the results of our procrastination with an outward facade that we seek forums such as this.

I, personally, am tired of acting.  I just want to BE what I am and take positive steps in that direction.

I wish you luck on your journey and hope that you find some assistance here.

Welcome!

findingaway - 13 Mar 2011 - 11:29pm

Hi Theomatix, welcome!

You obviously have some insight into what you are doing and it's great you are dealing with this stuff while you are still young.

Hope to see you in the forums, chat box and meetings here (whatever helps you most).

Keep coming back! Smile

Welcome, Theomatix

lennon - 12 Mar 2011 - 6:03pm

Welcome to Procrastinators Anonymous.  You don't have to be a part of the online meeting because it deals with the 12 Steps.  However, you can be a part of the forum and the chatbox and just share your things you feel you need to do.  There are also Tools and Signs that can help and it is not of a religious nature.  Do what makes you comfortable and keep coming back!

 The Tools, Forum, and Chatbox has been also very helpful to me to get some things done!