I haven't checked in for a long, long time. Even though I haven't been a regular contributor, this group has been in my thoughts on a fairly regular basis. I have long tried to find a name for my compulsive behavior. I've resisted calling it procrastination, because that sounds slightly humorous and far too benign. But I still keep coming back to it as the most accurate way to describe my self-destructive behaviors and patterns.
So here I am again. I want to start regularly checking in again. I need to. I am a compulsive procrastinator. It is for me, every bit as destructive as addictions to alcohol, drugs and sex. I am embracing the 12 Steps as the beginning of a way out...again. From years of experience trying, I know I will never completely stop procrastinating. But I will be more conscious and I will be more intentional about getting support to live better and more free.
My family and my life need me. I need me. I don't need to torture myself through self-imposed deprivation and unconsciously manufactured crises. I don't need to suffer and fail alone in this struggle. I won't. Thankfully, I am not at the bottom, though I have such a high pain threshold, I would probably be dead before I admitted it. I love Clement's signature about falling 7 times and getting up 8. That's me today. I am starting again once again.
Thank you God, and all of you.