Wednesday January 12, 2011

ok, it's late, but i have two things to do, but i feel anxious when i try to do them.

but, i have TOOLS. namely, pick next right action--SMALL ACTION--do it, report it, repeat.

Thank you all! Thank you HP!

UPDATE: i went to bed LATE but i finished everything. I also wasted some time. good and bad.

----------
the touch of the master's hand: http://procrastinators-anonymous.org/node/1898#comment-27748

"fall down seven times, get up eight" - japanese proverb

Thursday 11 am

Thanks for the starter lennon.

Still not going well. Today I did have a field trip planned but it is pouring rain despite being the middle of summer here, so have cancelled. Going in to the office would have been a good alternative but tired, depressed and did not manage the switch. So wasting time AGAIN.

Done:

• meditation
• wash clothes 1

To do:

• set up template
• phone EB
• phone J
• washing 2
• start W report
• post office
• M office
• bike ride (if rain stops) or exercises
• start lists for camping
• appointment 5 pm
• EARLY NIGHT - in bed before 10 pm so I am not so tired.

Thank you all for this forum.

Incredible snow storm today! I havve an easy commute so I'm here today, but it's pretty empty.

It would be easy to slack (since no one else is working) but I'm seriously behind. Specifically, I need to:
*Check on expts
*Contact CvV and ER
*Finish orders (did about half of this)
*Finish IHC
*30 min focused work on organizing/notes
*Start new IHC
*Do Dazl analysis and add to lab mtg pres
*Finish Rec8 and Kitl parts of pres/writeup 

*Finish prelim expts part of write-up
*Cooking

Whew! That's a lot. I think I can do it though. I'll start with finishing the IHC

Thought of the Day: Today I'm willing to abstain from doing anything I'd feel the need to hide from others, anything that'd challenge my willingness to be honest.

TO-DO LIST

FIRST THINGS FIRST - RECOVERY

• morning prayer
• meditation
• call 1 - sponsor
• daily renewal
• to-do list
• journaling
• readings
• call 2
• call 3
• exercise
• meeting

WORK

• client #2: workflow.ppt review
• client #2: change order
• client #2: microcontent for topic pages
• client #1: revise/send weekly analytics report?
• client #1: daily site report
• client #2: follow up with producer on regional stuff
• biz dev: send contact info, perhaps twitter leads to "handmade" woman

PERSONAL / ERRANDS

• pa contribution
• return call: JM
• babysitting for friday
• eyeglasses replace lenses
• cable bill
• call SS re error

DAILY RENEWAL

• I'm powerless over impulsivity in response to any sort of emotional tweak.
• I can't manage my life. I quit. I'm out of management. I'm listening for guidance and information from Higher Power, I'm open to doing whatever it might suggest for me, and I'm willing to follow instructions.
• I want to be sober today. This is what sobriety looks like, as best as I can see it today:
  • Inner Circle behaviors (bottom lines, abstinence requirements) — just for this one day, I'll do whatever it takes to abstain from:
    • sleeping to avoid work/reality
    • using my sexuality to avoid work/reality
    • working without a clear plan -- a prioritized to-do list, a time-boxed calendar
    • working outside the PA Chatbox -- e.g., failing to bookend each task
    • staying in vague, unstructured time during business hours
    • impulsive decisions about what to do, or work on, during business hours
    • perfectionism: seeking immunity from disapproval/judgment. Typically I alternate between (1) avoidance and (2) unbounded research, editing, rumination until I feel total mastery over the subject; together, these mean I can take 10x-20x longer to complete a project than a "civilian" would. I'm not sober if I'm exceeding my time estimates more than 3x-4x.
  • Middle Circle (gray area; potentially signs of decline in spiritual condition)
    • working without a timer and without recording hours
    • working without trying to estimate how much time a task will take
    • working without trying to define scope of a task/project
    • Isolating
    • dishonesty
    • not communicating with people when plans change, when conflict or potential conflict arises, when I've done something I feel shame/embarrassment about
  • Outer Circle / top lines:
    • 3 phone calls a day
    • daily prayer
    • daily meditation
    • 5 minutes stepwork each day
    • 3 Meetings / week
    • regular exercise
    • Doing whatever's necessary for me to experience my work process as one of choice and freedom.
• Only higher power can keep me sober, but I need others to connect to higher power — and other people can help me see things I won't otherwise see, and can help me be accountable.
• this is just for today. I can stay abstinent for the rest of today, and I can do my best on all the other stuff for the rest of today. Tomorrow's not my concern.
• I turn my will and my life over to walking whatever path the truth — the dharma — reveals to me.
• In the 24 hours ahead: I intend to write quick spot inventories if/when fear and anxiety arise, then turn them to another person and to HP.

Hi everyone... well' here goes Wednesday... I can see I need to work on getting up on time...

• Up at 7am - rolled out of bed at 8.45 
• Exercise 90 minutes - DONE
• 8 hours work on thesis - DONE
• PA phone bridge at 1430 - DONE
• Meditation - one hour - 1700 - Missed this, as work got a bit crazy...
• Meditation class at 18.30- DONE
• OA meeting at 2300 - DONE
• PA phone meeting at 0200 

 I hope you all have a good day... thanks for being there for me!

Hugs,

Luke