Hello, I'm new here :)
Hi, I am Kate, I'm 26 and just recently graduated college in early December. With all of this free time now, I'm supposed to be looking for a job. (I told myself I'd wait a week after I graduate before looking for a job, and then told myself I'd start looking after christmas, then said I'd start tomorrow...you know how this goes)...I'm having trouble getting going now and this seemed like the place to turn to.
I have been diagnosed with and have delt with ADD/ADHD, depression, anxiety, perfectionism, all or nothing thinking, etc.. for a long time. ...Even though I've grown in the past years and feel great now about my life (after having seen therapists and got on medication) I StiLL have the kept some of the same thought patterns and the habit of escaping from things. I am trying to get a job and also need to get healthy again and get back in the gym, but no matter how much I plan it or how really really ReAlLY bad I want it, I find myself everytime sitting on my bed, eating bad food, watching tv, escaping.. ("okay ill give u this ONE more day, but tomorrow I'm serious, no more of this sitting around anymore..Getting a job and getting healthy is what you want more than anything!")..
It doesnt even have to be big things..Sometimes I avoid getting in the shower just because its something I HAVE to do..I guess thats the reason I resist, but either way, I find myself not getting up to do it. This, along with some negative self talk, has gotten me to a state where I feel paralysed in my tracks. I've got the lists..oh the lists...but no action behind it..I have recognized myself in so many of pro's articles and figured this would be a great place to reach out to people for some encourgement and help..
Thank you for listening, really, and I hope your day was successful :)
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Welcome. I love the way you you described this dilemma we struggle with. Since I found PA, I am better than I was, no longer isolated, and it may sound pathetic to some people but I have "showed up" for over a year now, and believe me if it was not for PA and the people here I would have shut down for days, weeks, or months after some of the disasters I faced. Keep coming back.
@Kate - welcome aboard.
Sometimes I just gotta laugh: I cannot believe how exactly — and I truly mean word for word — I relate to your experience.
I've creating hells for myself with this kind of behavior for as long as I can remember. I think I was 22 when I first sought out a therapist, complaining that in a given week I'd have 2-3 days where I literally did nothing all day, except maybe drag my butt to work, where I'd do anything but what they were paying me to do. It got a lot worse; I've had some terrible crashes.
I've been in other 12 Step fellowships since 2002, but nowadays what feels most true to me is that the addictive behaviors I got into aren't really the point. They are the symptom, and if I don't come to grips with what drives them — which I've come to think of as impulsivity as a response to any sort of emotional discomfort — I'll just keep going from one addiction/compulsion/obsession to another. Impulsive flight — to food, TV, alcohol/drugs, sleep (it's as if I have some sort of conditional narcolepsy), and any other pleasurable escape or distraction — allows me to instantly absent myself from the direct experience of some reality or feeling that, unconsciously, I really, really do not want to experience. This might be partly due to ADHD and neurological wiring and partly conditioned. Who knows. Point is, procrastination, perfectionism, workaholism, work avoidance, work anorexia, "under-being" as Underearners Anonymous calls it — whatever you want to label it, it's been the source of an enormous amount of suffering in my life and the people my behavior has affected. Wife, employers, parents, friends, colleagues, lots of others.
I'm 44 now. This place, and UA and WA (Workaholics), are helping me develop some new habits. Lists, yes. But also many, many other things, most especially
with out-of-control procrastination and perfectionism; how for all those years I've NEVER been able to control it, however desperately I wanted to; what red-flag
behaviors I'd like to give up; what actions seem to help me stay on the
It's real slow going but I do believe there's hope for me in this program. I'm grateful to be here now, and not at 50, 55, 60.
You're 26 — congratulations on coming to the awareness, relatively early in life, that you've got an issue that you might need some help with! This is huge! :)
Thank you all for the responses
I really appreciate everyones welcoming and encouraging messages..Reading everything that was written has been motivation for me, and knowing that we can all relate to each other is so comforting for me. I'm glad i have the support and encouragement from all of you..Thank you so much for being here :)
one day at a time...
You are so in the right place!
There is lots of support here for you, from the tools (http://procrastinators-anonymous.org/files/PA_Tools.html) to the chatbox (http://procrastinators-anonymous.org/chatbox) to the phone, chat and face-to-face meetings (http://procrastinators-anonymous.org/meeting_lists)!
There's also the daily check-in threads that many find very helpful, as well (http://procrastinators-anonymous.org/forum/6)! :)
Whichever tools you find most helpful, keep coming back. It works if you work it! (And you're worth it! :) )
Yours in fellowship - MC
"[People] need to be connected to each other. Courage comes out of relationship; it doesn’t come out of willpower." Peter Block, author of Servant Leadership: Choosing Service Over Self-Interest.
Welcome Kate and keep coming back! This is a great website to check in to ans share what is going on with you. There are also online and telephone meetings you can attend. Keep coming back!
Welcome to PA Kate! I'm relatively new here as well, and I'm finding the tools of PA enormously useful... why not check out some of the phone and chatbox meetings?
You're in the right place!