Hello, I'm new here :)

Welcome, Kate.

Regarding this:

I have been diagnosed with and have delt with ADD/ADHD, depression, anxiety, perfectionism, all or nothing thinking, etc.. for a long time. ...Even though I've grown in the past years and feel great now about my life (after having seen therapists and got on medication) I StiLL have the kept some of the same thought patterns and the habit of escaping from things. I am trying to get a job and also need to get healthy again and get back in the gym but no matter how much I plan it or how really really ReAlLY bad I want it, I find myself everytime sitting on my bed, eating bad food, watching tv, escaping.. ("okay ill give u this ONE more day, but tomorrow I'm serious, no more of this sitting around anymore..Getting a job and getting healthy is what you want more than anything!")..

It doesnt even have to be big things..Sometimes I avoid getting in the shower just because its something I HAVE to do..I guess thats the reason I resist, but either way, I find myself not getting up to do it. This, along with some negative self talk, has gotten me to a state where I feel paralysed in my tracks. I've got the lists..oh the lists...but no action behind it..

Sometimes I just gotta laugh: I cannot believe how exactly — and I truly mean word for word — I relate to your experience.

I've creating hells for myself with this kind of behavior for as long as I can remember. I think I was 22 when I first sought out a therapist, complaining that in a given week I'd have 2-3 days where I literally did nothing all day, except maybe drag my butt to work, where I'd do anything but what they were paying me to do. It got a lot worse; I've had some terrible crashes.

I've been in other 12 Step fellowships since 2002, but nowadays what feels most true to me is that the addictive behaviors I got into aren't really the point. They are the symptom, and if I don't come to grips with what drives them — which I've come to think of as impulsivity as a response to any sort of emotional discomfort — I'll just keep going from one addiction/compulsion/obsession to another. Impulsive flight — to food, TV, alcohol/drugs, sleep (it's as if I have some sort of conditional narcolepsy), and any other pleasurable escape or distraction — allows me to instantly absent myself from the direct experience of some reality or feeling that, unconsciously, I really, really do not want to experience. This might be partly due to ADHD and neurological wiring and partly conditioned. Who knows. Point is, procrastination, perfectionism, workaholism, work avoidance, work anorexia, "under-being" as Underearners Anonymous calls it — whatever you want to label it, it's been the source of an enormous amount of suffering in my life and the people my behavior has affected. Wife, employers, parents, friends, colleagues, lots of others.  

I'm 44 now. This place, and UA and WA (Workaholics), are helping me develop some new habits. Lists, yes. But also many, many other things, most especially

• the habit of reminding myself who I am — what my life's been like
  with out-of-control procrastination and perfectionism; how for all those years I've NEVER been able to control it, however desperately I wanted to; what red-flag
  behaviors I'd like to give up; what actions seem to help me stay on the
  beam.
• the habit of watching what I'm doing — what decisions I'm making — in the present moment. One decision at a time. Continually returning to and remembering what my plan is for the day. 
• the habit of asking for help, every day, whether I feel like I need it or not that day

It's real slow going but I do believe there's hope for me in this program. I'm grateful to be here now, and not at 50, 55, 60.

You're 26 — congratulations on coming to the awareness, relatively early in life, that you've got an issue that you might need some help with! This is huge! :)

You are so in the right place!

There is lots of support here for you, from the tools (http://procrastinators-anonymous.org/files/PA_Tools.html) to the chatbox (http://procrastinators-anonymous.org/chatbox) to the phone, chat and face-to-face meetings (http://procrastinators-anonymous.org/meeting_lists)!

There's also the daily check-in threads that many find very helpful, as well (http://procrastinators-anonymous.org/forum/6)! :)

Whichever tools you find most helpful, keep coming back. It works if you work it! (And you're worth it! :) )

Yours in fellowship - MC

"[People] need to be connected to each other. Courage comes out of relationship; it doesn’t come out of willpower." Peter Block, author of Servant Leadership: Choosing Service Over Self-Interest.

Welcome to PA Kate! I'm relatively new here as well, and I'm finding the tools of PA enormously useful... why not check out some of the phone and chatbox meetings?

You're in the right place!

best,

Luke

xx