Thursday, December 9th, 2010

Still on the desktop, which is terribly old. Didn't post yesterday, but been getting all sorts of stuff done. Got removed from waitlist from a tutoring company, so I might have a small job!

Things to do
-Less pills
-Workshop
-Email school
-Call apt people
-Call childcare people
-Physics stuff (break it down later)
-Writing sample for tutoring company
-Decide what kind of Christmas cookies to make this year :)

Hmm. Woke up this morning anxious about not having finished any of three items I'd told client #2 they could expect by this time this week (one on Monday, another on Tuesday, a third yesterday -- none of them done yet.) And what did I do after dropping off the kid? I took the morning off. Aggh.

I did have a really good conference call yesterday with client #2 -- came up with 2-3 contributions during the call that I think could have major value for them, and wrote a follow-up note regarding one of them that was informative, prescriptive, concise. But I spent a lot of time on that note, time I'd already planned to use for the above writing.

I have a really hard time turning down an opportunity to think through an interesting idea in favor of executing an idea I've already largely done the conceptual work on. I have more fun conjuring up and refining the shape of something new than I do actually coloring in the pesky details. I tell myself that authority will love me for a great idea. But I'm really not being honest with myself -- 20 years of work experience suggests that, yes, good ideas do please the boss -- but if they're not executed on time and within budget that rapidly transforms into frustration. This is devastatingly plain, looking back at each stop in my career. Every boss I've had has told me this in blunt terms; I've been reprimanded or placed on some sort of probation probably a dozen times in half a dozen jobs. And despite all that evidence I can't stop making impulsive, selfish, self-seeking, fear-driven, and dishonest decisions about what to do next while going about making a living. I remain utterly powerless.

I did buy flowers for my wife yesterday, however. Also took care of an unusual number of household errands. Time to go to work.

TO-DO

THE DOOR TO THE SOLUTION
* call 1 to another recovering person
* call 2
* call 3

WORK
* client #2: write microcontent
* client #2: 1st draft end-of-year story
* client #2: outreach emails re regional stories
* client #1: weekly analytics report
* client #1: daily site-activity report

ERRANDS
* deposit check
* grocery store
* eyeglasses order replacement lenses
* field trip w/ kids next week?
* pick up the boy

OTHER RECOVERY
* morning prayer
* daily renewal
* journaling
* meditation
* meeting
* exercise

DAILY RENEWAL

• I'm powerless over perfectionism, procrastination, intensely uncomfortable feelings (fear, despair, etc), and the various substances and behaviors I've used to cope with those feelings.
• I'm powerless over under-earning, under-being, hiding from reality, living small.
• I can't manage my life. I quit. I'm out of management.
• I want to be sober today. For work issues, these are the inner-circle behaviors I want to avoid:
  • sleeping to avoid work/reality
  • using my sexuality to avoid work/reality
  • working without a clear plan -- a prioritized to-do list, a time-boxed calendar
  • working outside the PA Chatbox -- e.g., without bookending each task
  • staying in vague, unstructured time during business hours
  • impulsive decisions about what to do, or work on, during business hours
  • failure to record hours with a timer during business hours
  • failure to estimate how much time a task will take
  • failure to scope a project
  • engaging in perfectionism: seeking immunity from disapproval/judgment via a strategy of producing nothing until I feel total mastery over the subject, and then chipping away at a deliverable until I'm certain it is unassailably perfect. I'm not sober if I'm exceeding my time estimates more than 3x-4x.
• I'll do whatever's necessary today to walk a path that allows me to be useful.
• Only higher power can keep me sober, but I need others to connect to higher power — and other people can help me see things I won't otherwise see, and can help me be accountable.
• this is just for today; tomorrow I can go another way if I so choose.
• I turn my will and my life over to walking whatever path the truth — the dharma — reveals to me.
• in the next 24 hours, I'm not planning to do anything I would be ashamed of.
• obstacles ahead: (1) wanting to know everything and do too much, instead of accepting that today, the right work products on my "Musts" list are deliverables that get done within today's time, however imperfect and incremental they may be.

Hi, well i am going to try this out.

stayed up till 4 reading a book, slept in, then my friend called and i wasn't assertive enough about not having time to talk...so we talked for fourty minutes while I silently panicked about finishing my paper and research reports. so, the day is not starting off too well, but I guess it's never too late? 

TO DO TODAY:

go to appointment

work on context section of paper (MAX 1 hour) (DONE)

find academic sources on A-T  (DONE)

start report on A-T literature (max 1 hour)

GO GROCERY SHOPPING

finish G/D section of paper (max 2 hours) 

read some T/T articles and take notes 

ok, hope I'm not being too ambitious...

 Show up (done) Ask HP for the willingness to do the necxt right action, ck calender, look for "solutions that work" , baby steps.

Thanks for being here.

pm Got done what was needed, now want to tackle more. Careful not to get into the all or nothing, better to stay consistent, then go into "all or nothing" mode, but hard to know where that line is sometimes.

Woke up at 9 today...good since i dont have classes, but still, id like to have the habit of waking up earlier..tasks on chatbox. 

Good morning and thanks to new member laserbeam for starting us out!  

Back in the office today, feeling lots better.   It's been a week since the minor surgery and I'm feelin' pretty good.   My car is in the shop so I am riding with my early bird husband and got to work at 6:30 this morning.   I'm embarrassed that I;m just now starting to get stuff done . . . I am NOT a morning person.  But I'm on my second cup of coffee and I am working on my todo list for the day.   I don't have any pressing issues, I have one major project with no real deadline except for 'as soon as possible' and clean up from the big project I just finished.

I'm not good with startup and followup so I want to make a point of doing a good job finalizing the big project, writing everything up, filing all the paperwork in excellent and audit-worthy form.  

Yesterday I finished a big tedious job - not a huge project, but a standard request that comes into our group, and this was a large one, taking days to complete and I am happy that it is done.  

Now for that todo list . . .I should be ready to tackle some real work in about 15 minutes.

Jo 

Never have an ordinary day!  - Pepperidge Farm (lol)

Hi!

Up, out of bed, ate breakfast. Went through flash cards, reviewed harder cards. Started load of laundry in clothes washer. See what I can get into next.

Sorted stack of mail. Unloaded dishwasher & put away clean dishes. Loaded & started new load in dishwasher. Reviewed harder cards again.

Did online task. Moved clean clothes to clothesdryer, and started another load in clothes washer. Did another online assignment. Took trash out. Got more mail from mailbox.

Did another online exercise. Folded dried clean clothes. Put another load in clothesdryer. Poking along. Folded other clean clothes.

Took shower. Washed & dried hair.

Recycler

Thank you, gals & guys, for being here! :)

Done:
Up prayer and reflection
Checked emails

Todo:
Go out to shop
Study French

Now to get on with it and it is cold out

Regards Rexroth