Sunday, 15 August 2010

That high school reading not done, that college paper outline overdue, that bill not paid, that email to boss not sent, that garage box left unopened, that check not deposited, that dental appt not scheduled......the week that whizzed by, and the failure of the week to come.....

In recent past, I've tried to largely make this mostly a SON-DAY (family time) and that's put things a BIT in perspective. But the "bubbling up" can still occur. The self-beating-up and anticipation of the coming week linger, like on EVERY sunday, but at least can they be somewhat accepted -- especially if I am "not gonna do nuttin' anyways," I might as well hold the dread SOMEwhat in its tracks and be blissful.

So, I try & procrastinate on the dread till that Mon. "wake-up" call (literal & figurative)

CRITIQUES WELCOME -- lay it on, gang (in priv email if you prefer)

4:06 PM: Completed 11 case reports. I will be satisfied with that for now. Back later.

9:50 PM: Spent a very pleasant afternoon with my lovely young daughters. Now I want to attend to my volunteer commitments awhile.

Goal: 9:55 - 10:55 PM: Work on pre-meeting preparation. If I don't make a full hour, that's okay. The key is not to go into Monday without a little progress to show (and a little satisfaction that comes from said progress).

Back to report.

10:26 PM: Didn't manage to log off quickly enough, and felt compelled to add my one cent's worth to a friend's post. But now, I *will* work on my volunteer commitments, from 10:30 to 11:00 PM. 

Back to report.

Didn't get it done. Worked on something for a friend, instead. So be it.

11:25 AM: Still not an early weekend start, but earlier than yesterday. Had a pretty productive day yesterday, although, as usual, the amount of time I had to 'throw' at the work to get thru it is too much and ultimately unsustainable.

I am really wanting to tool around the internet awhile right now before getting started. No good reason why, really, just a way to distract myself. When I do give in to that urge, it is often dissatisfying, if calming. I think it helped me a lot yesterday that I *didn't* do that before working. When I did it after work, somehow it didn't have the same appeal, perhaps because it wasn't serving a procrastination purpose. Or maybe it was a slow news day.

Where my head is at today: I am contemplating productivity. I have always been a procrastinator, for as long as I can remember. Yet I thought I was fairly productive, if not wildly so. I recognized that I had to put in more than my share of cram sessions and all-nighters to maintain that rather flattish line of productivity. But over the last year, as marital, financial, and professional problems converged upon me, the wheels came completely off. The procrastination only became worse, and my 'productivity' in all spheres of my life plummeted.

The question I am turning over in my mind is, was I ever really productive in a positive sense? If I look at productivity as the relationship between 'investment' (time and energy) and 'return on investment' (be that return in the form of objective results or less tangible but arguably more important things like satisfaction, fulfillment, and happiness), I really have to wonder. More importantly than what came before, which I cannot change, how do I *become* more productive, so that the time I have is more effectively channeled toward reaching tangible and especially intangible goals?

Alright, this is one *very* long checkin. The overall goals for today are to try to work more efficiently and continuously - 'smoothly', if you will - with fewer fits and starts, so that I can make progress on this backlog of work, but also take a break in the afternoon to spend time with my children (if my soon-to-be-ex-wife hasn't made other plans), rather than sitting all day in this silent, fluorescently-lit office staring out the window at a sunny Chicago day, while trying to concentrate.

Goal 1: 12:10 PM - 2:10 PM: 2 hours, 6 cases.

Back to report. 

Clean closet

Pick up evrything off floor in bedroom

Clean off desk and organize

Take belongings to garage

Clean out hall way

Clean ktchen

Call pennys

Order pennys bedding

Pack up Penny's box for mailing

Clean off couch