Wednesday 14 July 2010

I suppose this is as late a checkin as I can do and still call it "today!"  I'm trying to get out of town for vacation and am already overdue by 5 hours. My estimates are  so subject to error, it's quite frustrating. I'm not very confident about what follows, but I need to articulate it to figure out what to do next.

I'm guessing I have 2 more hours of work on a massive last-minute work project that must be completed before I leave.DONE!  (I also have 4 hours of work on a procrastinated presentation due Monday, which can be done on the road.) That's pretty much it for work, I think.

Then I should be able to start on the house. I am guessing about 3 hours of hard cleaning before I'm willing to let the housesitter in: 
Scrub my bathtub and J's shower
Serious dusting
Vaccuuming
Sweep and swab floors
Finish laundry (1 more wash, 3 to fold)
Load and run the dishwasher,
Wipe down the porch
Wash me and the stinky dog
Trim the dog's foot pads.
ADDED: CAll someone to take the OA box

Then I need to pack for the trip, which will take about 2 hours:
Clothing, food and gear in the camper
Maps and GPS in truck
Cooler in truck
Repair the awning brace
Re-swab the mildew spots J missed
Print housesitter instructions
Take key to neighbor
Hook up camper
ADDED: Swing by drugstore: Lysine and Auera
ADDED: Drop item at doc's ofc
ADDED: Drop off the OA box

So that's 7 hours, conservatively. And I am exhausted so I really need at least 6 hours of sleep.  If I work hard for the next 45 minutes, I can just about get that much before my sponsor call. Executive Decision #1:  Let voicemail answer calls until 8. OK, that helps me get clear my mind.  I'm back to the big work project, two 25-min bouts.

3:35am checkback - while J was packing the camper, the a/c died.  So our trip is delayed another day. I've already lost three days to workloads!  I was so unhappy I couldn't even consider going to sleep, so I stayed up and finished the big work project.  now, I have to think through Thursday morning:
Up at 6:30, sponsor 6:45
Hook up camper and pull to the shop which opens at 7
Beg them to take us first; get the prognosis
If need to leave it there, unhook and go get a mani-pedi and a haircut
If they can fix it right away, go home and resume above tasks

I felt GOOD about not even having been able to do any kind of check-in....a non-stop day of important appts dictated by circumstances---"like the good old days" of intense, worthwhile job.

An obvious glaring fallacy (I admit) is that I AM having to delay other things by virtue of necessity like I did back then which then snowballed into my stress of many overdue financial/admin tasks. Nevertheless, the happily exhausting euphoria has felt sweeeeet, only now I recognize it as fleeting, superficial like I did previously but I will remain suspicious of it (I HOPE) if is lasts too long. (I am sure my morning anxiety will return in time.)

Anyways -- what happened

- Intended regular a.m. workout but there would not have been time to get to kids' center in time. And traffic got backed up so instead did some needed putzing around house, quick breakfast, bit of surfing, few quick emails, and out the door for long drive to hospital for 3 appts for kiddo and nice lunch.  He even got his cast off! 

-Got lucky follow-up appt for next wk. Even got paperwork and immunizations sorted out with quick detour via school as alternative means to get forms since not at computer. All went ok except for minor bout of anger (wish I had procrastinated THAT!) which then brought back under control.  Home at reasonable hour. Found out why tire-order delayed. (Despite the potential auto safety delay, happy that I will not get tire appt till Mon soonest.) Explained all hosp info to spouse and grandparents to close the loop.

I kept thinking about missing phone bridge, this check-in, AND bookend calls. Was ELATED I could not get to them, i.e. actually doing things.

- Did NOT: get realtor appt, get to library, or order new kiddo specs.

Tomorrow is another day. ("Well, of course it is, you idiot," I then tell myself)

Yesterday the anti-procrastination train left the tracks, flew off a
cliff, landed upside down in a swamp, exploded and burned. That is to
say, I got distracted and neglected most of my tasks, including some
very important ones. I'd been doing better lately, so it's
disappointing to return to my former messed-up modus operandi. Today I
hope to do better. It is my birthday, so it would be nice to loaf all
day, but since I screwed up yesterday I'm not sure I can do that. I have
have have to write at least one long article today, plus do some
research on another.  Not sure what's the best way to schedule that.
It's hard to schedule a block of several hours on something. It's
intimidating and leads to avoidance. My attempt:

I wasted so much time yesterday... But today is a new day, right? :-)

Wake up
Yoga Class
Healthy Lunch
Reactivate Leech Block (I may need to put a password on the settings...)
Do one load of dishes
Do one load of laundry
Shower
Work
Cancel gold membership at LiveStrong (Emailed support to get this started)
Water tomato plant
"Trash patrol" in the front of the house

Update @ 12:35: I actually had to activate LeechBlock in order to get my checkin posted. *sigh* I feel like whenever I start to loose my train of thought my default is opening a new tab to see if social media/blog/news sites have been updated. 

  Update @ 7:24: Almost done! Just need to get some quarters to finish the laundry. 

 
Update/Checkout on 7/15: YAY! This was the first day that I finished, or made progress on, everything on my list. :-) 

to do:

- 1894
- 682
- 1884
- investigate hc
- clock 8 hrs
- clean living room
- test pub.
- review bz items
- practice
- exercise
- read ch. tech bk
- clean bedroom

Yesterday the anti-procrastination train left the tracks, flew off a cliff, landed upside down in a swamp, exploded and burned. That is to say, I got distracted and neglected most of my tasks, including some very important ones. I've been doing better lately, so it's disappointing to return to my former messed-up modus operandi. Today I hope to do better. It is my birthday, so it would be nice to loaf all day, but since I screwed up yesterday I'm not sure I can do that. I have have have to write at least one long article today, plus do some research on another.  Not sure what's the best way to schedule that. It's hard to schedule a block of several hours on something. It's intimidating and leads to avoidance. My attempt:

Prep

• Get up (I slept late for birthday, however)
• Coffee, paper, water plants
• Healthy breakfast
• Checkins 

Morning:

• Draft half of Masters10 article
• Figure out what to do about ovedrawn bank account
• Healthy lunch

Afternoon

• Finish Masters10 article draft
• Proof article draft
• File article
• Send factchecking
• Call 3 re: deadbiz

Evening

• Get RB b'day card
• Birthday dinner
• Later -- whatever, unstructured time. It's my freaking birthday after all.

I feel all over the place today so

Done:
Up prayer and reflection
Stayed in to receive package of medical notes which came
Read though notes and got depressed and worried for no good reason
Washed up and tidied up in kitchen
Cleared out cupboard for gas people who might be coming today to change the main meter downstairs and who might need access to my meter
Checked emails and replied and sent new ones concerning trip

Todo:
A few more emails re trip
File some papers
Check some dates for appointments at the moment they are in my mind which is not a good place for them to be

Regards Rexroth

Of shame, that is. Yesterday was a disaster productivity-wise, and just as disorganized checking in-wise. Again had my soon to be ex-boss call my unacceptable pile of delayed cases to my attention. The bright point of the day was a couple of hours with my kids. That was only slightly marred by my soon to be ex-wife starting in on me about something when I went to drop the kids off. Ah, well.

I feel shame over these delayed cases, because each one represents a
person who needs something from me, often something very important, and
I can't come through. I am not a bad person, and I do sincerely want the best for people, but I can see how from the outside I look self-absorbed and cavalier about my responsibilities and uncaring about their needs. It makes me want to scream, "No, I'm not lazy! No, I am not a sociopath! I *want* to do a good job for people, but I am caught in an undertow I can't seem to overcome! I want to be loved and appreciated, not despised for my failings!" 

Today I have risen with a renewed sense of determination. As
Chumbawamba's tune "Tubthumping" stated it a few years back (late 90s),
"I get knocked down, but I get up again..." Hope that can apply to me. 

Yesterday trying to weave together incoming new work with overdue cases was a big failure, and I wound up paralyzed, making little progress with either. Today I will try 2 hours of overdue cases, devote the next 4 to today's work, then try to finish up with another 2 on overdue cases. 

About 9:20 AM: Goal is 6 cases in 2 hours. Back here around 11:20 AM to report.

Good morning!  Thanks for starting us out Tuffl.  

I'm working from home today.  I'm going for a walk before starting the the work day, see ya in an hour or so with a todo list for today!

Jo 

'I'm going to put a smile on my face, put forth a good effort, and be better today than I was yesterday.' - Huma