I think I need serious help
This is my first post here and I'm hoping I can get some advice. I've been a procrastinator for as long as I can remember. I was "functional" for a long time. I managed to get stuff done but it was always done at the last possible moment. However, I've hit a brick wall. I'm currently trying to finish my master's thesis. Emphasis on trying because I've already put it off for a year. All my coursework is done.
I just feel like I've been trapped in this cycle of resistance, failure and despair for this past year. It's slowly getting worse and I'm just degenerating. Over the course of the past year my life has slowly become nothing but working at a crappy job, then coming home and playing World of Warcraft/watching TV/net-surfing (I have all three going at the same time. I can multitask THAT) and drinking alone a lot of the time. I have a friend here who occsionally takes pity on me and takes me out on the town. Other than that I get all my social contact at work and I really dont go anywhere. I've systematically phased out tasks/chores that are not absolutely necessary. For example, I havent vaccuumed or cleaned the bathroom for months. The most ridiculous example I have is that I have a pair of work pants that I love to wear but they're dry-clean only. I'd rather not wear them if it means me driving to the drycleaners and getting them cleaned.
I know I need to change. I tell myself that if I finish my thesis I'll be able to find a better job. I tell myself this is no way to live; that it's unhealthy and that I'm probably killing myself. I tell myself all of this and it doesnt make a difference. I understand all of this intellectually. I get angry, try to change something, quickly lose steam, quit, get depressed, then get fearful and anxious. Sometimes I can't sleep. Then it repeats. I'm resistant to the vast majority of things I need to do. It's like I don't care...but I do.
I'm getting to the point where it's hard to see a way out of this. I've actually considered joining a monastary or peace corps, just to escape this. I know it takes time for things to change, that things wont instantly become better. But I need it NOW. A lot of the times I feel like I don't have the strength to climb out of this hole. Anyway, that's my story.