Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.

Monday, July 20 2009

Nothing diminishes anxiety faster than action.  -Walter Anderson, The Confidence Course, 1997

fudo_shin: checkin: 11:52pm

Please do not leave advice.  Thank you.  Prayers welcome. 


Did first day of work today.  It was awesome that I came on time.  I was even ahead of Cam, even though he got in line ahead of me.   I don't know where he worked before besides that Laserfische in Long Beach.  Still not sure if I will even attend CSU for grad school, due to scheduling.    It's now close to end of first summer quarter yet not done with the incompletes, and have not touched it for a while now. If I want to have my grades changed I have to do something, but I think I'm going to fall asleep, and I keep on feeling emotional and weird after each inerchange with human beings.  I don't want this additional job to be my downfall.  I don't have the will to quit my job yet.  It's just temporary until I go to Canada, and while I need the money right now, it's not that much money.  What I earned in a weekend, I earn in two hours at my *other* job.

I feel weird about some of the interaction that happened at work.  I accidentally said "Jewish," when a co-worker asked me to guess the heritage of his name.  What I had meant was "Hebrew" or even "Jewish German."  Now I feel horrible for having said "Jewish," b/c I didn't want to amke him feel that I were reducing him to his religion.  I had meant "Jewish" as a race, obviously, but in truth I meant "aramaic".  And we all know how I feel about race, and how I feel about people asking me about my race or making statements about my supposed religion as if it stood for my religion, my culture and my biological heritage.  Which is why I feel even worse about it.  But he did *ask* me to guess the heritage of his name, which is a very difficult position to be in.  I could have just said, "I don't think I'll guess.  I don't think I could guess."  Or maybe I'll just say, "No," next time.  I was in such a mood to prove myself right, even though I was totally tired.  It was my first day on the job.  Anyways, after I had said, "Jewish," and he glared at me; I said, "Maybe Finnish?"  Then he started to enumerate his entire racial heritage: Norwegian, Black Foot Native American (apparently the heritage of the name I'd asked about--and believe me I was only curious to know where the name was from), Irish, Germa(I think but don't remember).  Anyways, the point is I didn't ask for his heritage, and he made me guess and then he enumerated his biology in terms of fourths and eights in detail.  And I still felt BAD, simply because upon his stating he was Native American, I immediately said, "Oh, What tribe?", because it had piqued my interest.  Part of me felt like one of those classifiers or that's howhe made me feel when he started listing out his heritage explicitly and saying, "There.  There.... I'm a Viking Native American, who is also an Irish person of German Descent, because my last name is MickAureee."  And I just sort of sat there totally bewildered.  I so much had wanted to just get along, but whatever.  I guess i'm seeing that this is less and less my fault since he was providing a lot of info that i hadn't asked for. 

Also, he may not have taken it the way that I take it.  Maybe he's really proud of his heritage and likes to show off.  Maybe he enjoyed the opportunity to tell people about himself, especially some new co-workers.  It was weird...though.

I felt triggered by the "hott" manager who is really the Director of Engineering, I now learned, not just the project manager of R&D.   Especially since he said something like, "That's a really nice picture," in reference to the name badge that I was wearing.  That 's the thing about delusions, we believe them a little bit, because they have to be just a little bit true or else they wouldn't be delusions.  But I overheard someone has a girlfriend, and I'm not sure who it is.  In any case, reflection on Mark's behavior would tell me that he could easily be "just being friendly."  And BTW: his name is not really Mark, but I thought it'd be fashionable for reasons of anonymity.  Same with Cam, who is not really Cam.    

I worry that I may have offended Mark: I had read some of the documents that he sent to me, and as I began editting them for myself I made a copy of the read-only doc he had shared with me.  I editted it so that I could understand the English and read it.  I had been listening my coworker saying all day how he felt annoyed by the English grammar errors all day, and how he wanted to correct the training manuals.  So at once, I said aloud to Mark and the Account Manager, "Hey, would you like it if I sent you an updated copy with the English corrected?"  He said:

"I'll make you a collaborater.  That way you can change the English translation to be anyway you want it."  I felt worried that maybe I'd offended him, even though he didn't say anything.  I know we can only believe what people say, but I want to be as reined in as possible and not just be free-weilding with the stuff, cuz that does not look good to managers.  I didn't want to show that I was just gonna do whatever I wanted, and I didn't want to come across as saying that his English grammar was not good enough or that his spelling were not--

But-- it wasn't.  I mean, it was sometimes illegible and distracting for me that he had certain words misspelled.  My intention was to do him a favor and to perfect the training document in order to make it readable in English for us English speakers here in the American location.    I just wanted the document to be better and to be meaningful for me, but I am worried I may have come across as offensive.  I myself could not contend with him in his native language, so I think it's a fair trade-off, but we were not writing in his language.  I was worried I had come off as too pushy, because i get confused sometimes.  I sometimes get a little carried away with being orderly or taking charge of things, and I don't want to go overboard with things.  

I also would like to say that I feel horrible that I accidentally overshot the location of one of the coworkers alma mater's.  He said that he initially came from Montana and then lived in Seattle for a little bit, so I just *assumed* that he had gone to school in Seattle, instead of asking.  I also assumed that he was incredibly brilliant.  And instead it came out as something like, "So did you go to the U of Washington or----?"  And I was about to come up with another college name, when suddenly he broke in with his alma mater and I felt totally awkward, when I had just been trying to make conversation to begin with.  Anyways it was horribly awkward like that, but eh....  At least I showed up and was on time and did what I was supposed to do, even if I did it slower than most.  (Reading!)

Now I'm going to bed soon, I got to get sleep to catch up and wake up by at least 8:05 am, make breakfast, until 9:05am, brush teeth and use listerine then leave no later than 9:20am.  Bring my reading disability CD.  I feel like I'm going to die.  This schedule at the theater on weekends is not giving me the rest I need.

Deej CI CO

A month or so back I stopped checking in here. Was having a relapse at the time, not wanting to even look at this website.

But posting now just to let you know that I'm back on track and using my diary, other people and a number of the techniques learnt here to minimise my procrastination.

I may be back in the future, who knows, but for the time being thanks for being there in my time of need and all the best doing what you know you should.


Recycler CI 4:35pm EST

Hi Pro Buddies!

Great threadstarter! :) Thanks, fudo_shin! :)

This morning at the gym, I did all my cardio, stretching, and ab exercises.

At work this morning, I did my email, prepped for morning meeting; after meeting, I did my new projects. At lunchtime, I got some take-out, then did 2 on-line errands. After lunch, I took care of some new requests, helped facilitate getting them done in a timely way, and I've updated my project list for in the morning.

Procrastination update: I am finally talking about my portfolio with an advisor. How long it took to get up my nerve: 3+ years. Yep, that's yet another example of why I am in PA! ;)

Next, after 6pm chiropractor appt, go to the local meeting of one of my other 12-step programs. After that, meet with my sponsor if they are in town. By the time I get in, I will need to be getting ready to sleep, so I may not get to update my CI.

Have a great night, everyone! :)



Thank you, gals & guys, for being here! :)

CI Do It Now 3:11 pm Mon

3:15 MIN  DONE!!!! 2 mins late

 lawn DONE

mort papers DONE

 Decide on plane tickets  DONE

prep for R Hrt at 7:30  what was submitted, changes and other info DONE

 LT  - Low Urgency 


FINISH nj txs and NY

 and old pperwrk for corp


letter to Mys 

CK Sun 

byGodsGrace todays CI

More and more I am realizing perfectionism is the root of my avoiding starting and also prolonging finishing once I do - feel like yelling and pulling my hair out at the moment - having so many projects to do and a housefull of kids on most days is pretty overwhelming.

But I am posting here as a reminder to stop, take a deep breath - let go and let God.

I know i have 2 deadlines that are pending today and then I need to make a list of all the other ones so that I can make a clear plan. whew, that's not so hard...

(funny day starter, thanks fudo_shin!)


Monday plan mj

Slept in this morning, wakened by a fib episode early this morning. Today:


help Dad

claim add up

ecollege project


Ag 11:50am

OMG, I am ROFLMAO at that thread starter!  I made my living as a writer for 12 years and I think that's where this sort of thinking crossed the line into PA-qualifying many thoughts/interests/story ideas and so little time! 

I'm reminded that someone here once referenced "activity addiction," and I relate. The Addict in me wants to do/have/taste/be/feel it ALL, what She wants when She wants, and when frustrated She goes to the opposite extreme and shuts down like a bratty toddler.  So I have to play the healthy adult, pick Her up gently and put Her in time out where Her Higher Power can calm Her down. :-)

And that's my first task today: Have some quiet time to seek Good Orderly Direction, and come back with the day's MITs and MUTs.  I'm working on a huge sleep deficit caused by work-binging a scary task that I've been procrastinating and that is due today.  The task is done, which is great - but now I am fighting the temptation to think I can somehow take the rest of my life off with pay.:rolleyes:

Ag 2pm

Wow, I procrastinated getting with HP for direction, by reading and sharing here for way too long today. :rolleyes: Got to get with the program!  Next up, eat a healthy lunch, then tackle these MITs du jour:

  • weekly update
  • monthly update
  • check Inbox for MITs and MUTs
  • prepare for vip call at 4:30
  • 3pm team call re: budgets and hours
  • 4:30 vip call
  • Print/format and rehearse tonight's module(s)
  • 6:15 studio

Sam 10:30 am



eat lunch by 12:30

read about Trd.

install the software on the pc upstairs

uninstall new webcam on ur pc and install it upstairs

re-install old webcam on ur pc here.

call Anik at 11 am

attend Volunteer meeting at 6 pm at St. J.


kromer 9:40 CI

OK, today I need to get done
*Run code on 1 pathway
*email TF

Update 11:20--OK, I've emailed TF and am running 1st part of code on 1 pathway
While that first part of the code runs, I'll check over discretization code and generate random gene sets w/ 3 choices for # of bins. 

Once I've gotten those things done, I'll check in with a plan for the rest of the day. But these are the priorities and I need to focus on them 1st. I'll start by trying to get disc. code running so I can choose number of disc. levels.

kromer 12:50 CI

OK, I'm doing pretty OK today. Code is *written* and first part of it is running, I just need to get the last part of it running...this is prob a 15 min task but I'm feeling resistance to it for some reason. So I'm checking in here to hold myself accountable and will check back again when this task is done.

After starting other parts running, I'll do the proofreading, which should take and hour or two.

Update 1:30--started code running, now I'm going to start the proofreading (boring! but needs to get done, and I'll be really glad when it's finished)

Update 2:00--I've proofread the introduction. Now I have 3 more section to proofread. I'll check back after I've finished each one.

Upddate 2:15--proofread 1st section, back when I'm done w/ the second.

Update 3:00--proofread 2nd second and started on 3rd. Unfortunately I find that 3rd section still requires some more writing, so it will probably take me a little while to finish up. Back when I'm done w/ that (maybe about 45 min?)

Update 4:00--done w/ this task! Meaning I'm done with all the tasks I'd listed in my first CI! I'm going to come up w/ a schedule for the week, then I'll check back with a plan for the rest of the afternoon/evening.  

kromer 4:50 CI

OK, a little slow but schedule for the week is done.

For my remaining time I need to do lit. search on nodal pathway. If I have time I'd also like to start QC/basic proc for VAD data.

Then, I have square dancing at 8, I want to quickly talk to AG and to my parents, I need to take out the trash and email DC about church picnic. That's a lot, so if i don't get through all of it it'll be OK.

OK, off to do lit search on nodal pathway. I'll check back in here in an hour with a progress report on that, then I'll have some dinner and then get back to work.

Update 6:45--finished lit. search on nodal pathway and had dinner, now I'm going to start QC on VAD data.   


kromer 10:50

I did basic proc on VAD data and got maybe halfway throuh QC. I went to square dancing and quickly talked to my parents. Right now I'm going to take out trash, email DC about church picnic, and if I have time either talk to AG or type up notes from Sun's mtg.

journey 8:45

Good morning!  I have to give a speech in Toastmasters today so first item on the agenda is to practice the speech.   Then todo list, then practice again.  

I'm actually *gasp* looking forward to speaking.  Toastmasters has really made a big change in me! 


"The elevator to success is out of order.   You'll have to take the stairs . . . one step at a time." - Joe Girard


Thanks for sharing your recovery!

Journey 1:30 funny thread starter

Speech is done, yay.   I'm in the after-speech letdown period now lol but I still need to get some work done.  

I love the thread starter!  I have that "learn spanish" book on my bookshelf too. 

I'm going to work on Project TF this afternoon.   I have parameters to set up for the next phase and this is a good afternoon to knock that out.   


"The elevator to success is out of order.   You'll have to take the stairs . . . one step at a time." - Joe Girard

yeppers :)

I said something today with yep in it and i guess i don't usually say it because dd thought it was pretty funny and your "yeppers" popped into my mind and she just thought that was the best word ever and we had a great time laughing about it! You inspire in all kinds of ways! ;)

that's a yepper!

"The elevator to success is out of order.   You'll have to take the stairs . . . one step at a time." - Joe Girard

Sowing up for Mon./ Vic

Right now this is how my Monday feels. I wish I had a double to take over. I did make my phone call yesterday and the person really appreciated it- another thing procratination does- ruin relationships. I need to at least get out and walk, so for next ck in-chnage, bfast, call and walk and make list. Thanks

Show over

  Thanks for reminding me Agnus- I am always amazed that I could forget-Yep, show over- curtain closed-I threw away my script- total flop, as always!!show canceled. Now to go with my HP script. I did my walk and some "routine" Had a bigger lunch than usual, which was a red flag signal to not set my sights too high today and be gentle with myself or I will sabotage.(new script) Service: I need to give today and do service. That will be my main focus. Try to return phone and tent today. /Dinner. Be pleasant with family memebers.Service: For PA to newcomers. I have hope with this site. I had my doubts, but have found that although the road made be bumpy, the efficacy of being involved in this group and finding solutions to this problem is working for me (aka otherwise hopeless). ok phone, tidy up and take boys swimming.                     I am in such awe with how God works. My son needed jeans, so we exchanged tent,filled car gas tank, went to library, took phone to UPS at staples, got Val jeans, went to Giant and got dishes in dishwasher and kitchen cleaned, so I did ok tonight, I am so relieved it is done . When I gave everything to him, God did for me what I could not do myself.I can only praise him for this and this group. thank you.




What a great graphic, vic!  This so reminds me what the Big Book says about my need for Step 3, that I am the actor and when I try to direct the show, I'm out of my I need a Director, my HP.  And I think in Step 5 it talks about how we are very much the actor, trying to play an external role while stuffing down inside us the truth we know/fear about ourselves. 

This is what's so wonderful about PA. I can be myself here. Some days I'm stellar, some days I'm stinky. Most days I'm someplace in between, nothing special, just another addict trying to survive one day at a time without completely sabotaging my life.  Some days the best I can do is screw up and own it - and even that is lots better than when I began recovery, desperately hiding my desperation. 

And the really good news we all seem to experience when we work the PA program is this: Many days I actually perform my parts fairly well, and some days there's even applause! :-)  I just have to stay out of the Director's chair.

on with the show - thanks :)

thank you both for reminding me of why i need to stay connected here - i really appreciate the things you both said!

I still have so far to go in recovering - it scares me to think of it all at once! Vic what you said about Procrastination ruining relationships is SO true, I have so much to make up for in that area alone and am still working on all the other areas, just day to day, I can easily get overwhelmed at the thought of it - but then dwelling on that would just stop me in my tracks so I must do the next best thing. I am VERY aware that anything I do must be done with God firmly planted in the director's chair, but as aware as I am of my own weakness, I still need constant reminders not to take over!

Thank you for always encouraging and inspiring!


“When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.” 

Corrie Ten Boom


fudo_shin: recommitment 3:35am

Please do not leave advice.  Thank you.  Prayers welcome. 


It's late and I got to sleep, but I want to write a commitment here, before any of my old behavior continues.  I let myself off the hook and decided to watch some Youtube this weekend, after accomplishing 30 days of avoidance from the sites previously mentioned.  I earned it.  I committed to 30 days, no longer, and that's fine, but clearly I can find *other* ways to procrastinate other than these sites.  Evenso, I'm starting a new job this week and I want to be mentally present for it.  So I am making a commitment to avoid the following sites for another week-- that is seven days.  From there, I want to make it to 14 days, and at that point I will make a decision about what I'm going to do next that best suits my interest.

I am avoiding the following:

  • social networking sites, including facebook, twitter, youtube
  • dating sites
  • chatting sites: woome, chat with a stranger, etc.  I cannot be on a
    chatting site.  MMORPGs count as "chat sites".  IRC.  The only
    exception is 12 step-related chat.
  • chat programs
  • YouTube, Google videos, Crackle
  •, and calling anyone's associated fan line

First I have to make it to ONE day again though.




 My Monday 20th:


- Call Bank (I did, 2 times but I did not get the answer to my questions) :(

- Go to Doctor (I did this, I am feeling so good about it)

- Call to massage studio (I did)

-Buy food and cook moderate meal for two (I did not do this. i did not go to the supermarket so I am not gonna cook either.) 

In recovery





When I look into the future, it is so bright it burns my eyes ~ Oprah Windfrey