Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.

Wednesday, July 15th, 2009

15 July, 2009 - 7:30am - TraditionTwelve
Higher Power,
Grant me the wisdom
to know the works,
the courage to put them in action,
and the serenity to accept the result.
 
‹ Tuesday, July 14, 2009 Thursday, July 16, 2009 ›

fudo_shin: checkin: 11:57pm

TraditionTwelve - 16 Jul 2009 - 2:18am

Please do not leave advice.  Thank you.  Prayers welcome. 

                                                                                                             

How I procrastinate, let me count the ways: porn, mb, romantic relationships, television shows, movies, writing thick letters to my mother, writing on this website (at times), thinking about or obsessing about what to say to people, obsessing about what I've already said to people, participating in my love addiction, cyberstalking, reading about television stars, b/c I'm jealous of them or admire them to an absurd degree, finding loopholes to all my bottomlines in ALL of my programs, looking for people to have intense, romantic relationships with, fancying myself in such a relationship instead of doing what I need to do in my life, including calling someone back about a job.

This program is NOT a program of abstinence for me, and yet that is what I do best: being abstinent from my entire life.  It's so easy for me just NOT to participate in my life. When I look back on my sexual and love addiction, even getting sobriety in *that* program is easier than this, and people who think AA is a piece of cake really struggle in that program.  And I am mad, flat out mad.  I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I need to connect with someone as a sponsor or dual check-in or SOMETHING.  I really cannot just have the checkin board.  I feel it should be more personal than that.  I don't know what to do; I feel no personal compunction and that scares the eff out of me.  I spoke to my new sponsor today in SLAA and she said something that really struck me, "What would it take for you to feel that you were healthy enough to be in a healthy relationship with someone else?"  I suddenly started to imagine a solution to the problem I am in right now that did not even involve lots of work.  It just involved being honest and accountable to the people in my life.  I really wish I could get back there in my mind.

If anyone is saying prayers, please, please pray for me.  I am praying to be able to make the right decision about my life.  I am starting a job on Monday and I want to be excellent at it.  Of course I still got my Procrastination and Late-comer baggage.  I need to heal *instantly* I feel like, but I know I will not; I can only take healthy action at the moment.  I pray I heal in time.  I know I need to be on time.  As part of that.  I am going to bed early and waking early to practice getting in the rhythm.

Gratitude list:

  • That this company hired me.
  • That Tommy at the theater called me back; althought I'll have to tell him that I cannot take the job or that I need to take it with reduced hours.  But since I'm going to Montreal and don't know when then I need to make sure I'm available for thsoe weekends while I'm there.
  • That my mother lent me money to get a new cellphone and to cover my negative account balance.
  • That my car company has let me extend the payment twice.
  • That my insurance company has let me extend their payment.
  • That I was able to talk to this new sponsor.  I'm not sure if she will be my sponsor, cuz she seemed to say somethings that bugged me adn there seemed to be some non communication about Internet dating, but it really helped me to just call her and finally read my fourth step to her.
  • That I got Netflix.  Relaxing is really helpful, but I don't want to overdo it.  I still need to prepare for work and I still need to edit my paper
  • that my roommate moved out and that I have the quiet time and place to myself
  • that I got food stamps.  It has really helped me to pay for food.  That I am going to get some food shortly.
  • That Sony was willing to reimburse me for the money I spent on gas to drive to San Diego.
  • That the tax auditor in charge of my case has ruled in my favor, whichmeans that I will now be getting more money retroactively for my unemployment as they will determine a new amount of my UI, based on my real earnings.  I'm not sure when this will happen, but I am looking forward to it.
  • That I'm finally getting  US Passport and travelling to another country, just as I've always wanted to do.

 

Recycler CI 8:15pm EST

recycler - 15 Jul 2009 - 7:22pm

Hi Pro Buddies!

Earlier at work, I had logged on toward the end of the workday, but still had projects coming in so didn't get to post -- trying again tonight!

At the gym this morning, I did my full cardio, stretching, and ab exercises.

At work I did various projects. On my breaktime I bought lunch & snacks at the grocery story. At lunchtime I ate, did some budgeting stuff, went online for a bit, and also went to another room and lay down on a bench for a few minutes. (I didn't sleep well last night, so I'll try doing better tonight!) After lunch, I did other projects & emails. At the end of the day, my project list looks good! :)

Arriving at home, I made an extra effort with dinner, so have some leftovers for the fridge. Dishes are washing in the dishwasher now. I've brushed my teeth & washed my face. Thanks to PA I was able to do those things, which I might not have done on my own without PA. Thanks again, PA! :)

Trying to be healthy, I called someone locally in my support group (only got the voicemail, but that's ok). I made an entry in my journal on another group, and went through my other online groups. Next: I may try a few minutes of whichever meditating, read a little inspirational literature. I still need to take a Melatonin & 2 low-dose aspirin before bed.

Have a great night, everyone! :)

Recycler


Recycler

Thank you, gals & guys, for being here! :)

I did It!!!!!!!!!

vic - 15 Jul 2009 - 2:10pm

Oh my gosh, I did it!

Higher Power,
     THANK YOU, THANK YOU FOR YOU AND THE WONDERFUL PEOPLE YOU HAVE PUT HERE TO WORK THROUGH AND THIS SITE
Grant me the wisdom to know the works,
          TO START HERE AT PA AND ADMIT I NEEDED HELP THAT I COULD NOT DO IT ALONE, EVEN THOUGH I KEPT TELLING MYSELF THIS IS ABSURD
the courage to put them in action,
                TO LOOK UP ALL THE INFORMATION I NEEDED EVEN THOUGH I WAS SCARED AND DID NOT KNOW WHAT THE HECK I WAS DOING AND WANTED TO STOP AGAIN AND AGAIN AND FELT SO SO SICK AND SELF LOATHING AND STUPID AND YOU KNOW THE REST
and the serenity to accept the result.
        I DID IT, IF I COULD HAVE DID SOMETHING BETTER, IT IS TOO LATE NOW, IF I MADE ANY MISTAKES, I NEED TO ACCEPT WHATEVER THEY ARE, AT LEAST WE ARE GOING AND IN THE END IT WILL BE NO BIG DEAL, THERE IS NO REAL SECURITY -MY COMFORT ZONE IS AN ILLUSION  OF SAFETY, A LIFE OF FEAR AND ISOLATION IS NOT MUCH OF A LIFE, AND IF THIS IS WHAT IT TAKES TO LIVE- GOD, PLEASE, GIVE ME THE COURAGE TO DO IT.

LEARNING AND HOPING I CAN SAY "YES" TO LIFE AGAIN

THANK YOU, ALL , lOVE, VIC

 

Gratz Vic!

journey - 16 Jul 2009 - 9:15am

"The elevator to success is out of order.   You'll have to take the stairs . . . one step at a time." - Joe Girard

that was a lot, vic!

recycler - 15 Jul 2009 - 7:12pm

Hi vic!

Congratulations on seeing that through! Yay! :)

Recycler


Recycler

Thank you, gals & guys, for being here! :)

great vic!!

clement - 15 Jul 2009 - 2:19pm

what a victory; i join you in celebration and thanksgiving!

----------
the touch of the master's hand: http://procrastinators-anonymous.org/node/1898#comment-27748

"fall down seven times, get up eight" - japanese proverb

Agnus 10:20am

Agnus - 16 Jul 2009 - 9:57am
  • call DVD repro for timetable take dvd to fed x with instrux to hq DONE YAY!
  • complete the Exel for AP contax
  • check Inbox for MITs and MUTs
  • write and file monthly report
  • make 2 new ap calls
  • make 2 old ap calls
  • write and file weekly update
  • thank-you's and follow-up notes to everyone I met last week
  • book studio time for fiscal
  • clear budget (Kim promise)
  • print DONE and mail awaiting info from hq expense report - DONE
  • re-book missed appts from last week (gyn, chiro, LMT, haircut) DONE
  • ADDED: return call on pda DONE YAY!
  • ADDED: update docs to prep for Mon mtng and send to team
  • ADDED: make amends to S asap. DONE

    •  

    Vic ck in

    vic - 15 Jul 2009 - 9:12am

    Right now I need to make plane reservations for aug 8. I have put it off for weeks,every day saying I will do it tommorrow.

    I feel sick in side. My stomach is having spasms. My hands are shaking. I can't breath. This whole thing has gotten to a new level of insanity I don't understand and I can only loath myself more when I think of it. I feel paralyized. Like like did with the taxes and when my HP led me to this group. I cried, wrote but I got them done. I don't want to have to go through that again and thought I would not hAve to. But each day I wait, it gets worse.

    No one else would understand. Where else can I go with this. I feel like maybe I waited so long it is too late.My kids are home and I am hiding in my bedroom because I cannot bear to face them, I feel so ashamed. I feel like everyone would be better off without me.

    I hope I can do each step here and post completion.

    Step 1. Look at schedules

    2. Step 2 -make one call

    3. step 3 come back here and report.

    thank you.

     

    Thanks Again

    vic - 15 Jul 2009 - 12:02pm

    Thanks again. I am getting there.

    I probably should have explained more of this. We are going to Belize. I have never been there. If this was a US flght I know I would have done this long time ago. My husband did not want to go in US- he wrks all the time. We have a time share and I was really lucky in getting the condos- one for our boys and one for us. Or else we would have lost these weeks we paid for like other weeks we lost already for my procratination.

    I am so afraid of making a mistake because we will out of the country. I checked ot the condo place and I frieked out because it said from Belize we need to take a ciommuter fllight to an island and then a boat???

    I could not get a flight to the condo, but I checked out the commuter flights and they have outbound (loks like what my husband and I used to call rum and cola flights) every hour, so I need to do the Belize one 1st,

    I have 3 computers checking different rates.

    Loooks like the best I can do is duble what it was a few months ago. I want ot stop because of that but I don't know if I can do better.

    Fear is ruling me now and guilt for waiting so long but at least my kids are ok with me so I must be acting saner.

    Once it is all done, I will feel better, but I am afraid of making a mistake and being stuck somewhere and of course it would be all my fault. I would have been happy in the US but when I went to Fla for my 30th wwedding aniversery, I went alone. I still had a nice time, but I better just stay focused and not sidetracked on all my other issues.

    OK 

    Next:

    check out a few more thing and check back here.

    I can't say how grateful I am for the support and this site. I don't feel like I "deserve it" but where else could I go where anyone in the whole wide world could underrstand?

    Thank you for giving me a life.

    Thank you for the prayer/ and understanding

    vic - 15 Jul 2009 - 10:27am

    ok I checked some schedules. Now with my charge card, I can get triple pts.but I have to log in, etc.

    My laptop bumped me off won't let me in.

    I came down on the desktop to try, I feel like stopping, beating myself  up for taking so long. I keep getting distracted on line. I will not be able to enjoy anything else and will be that muchharded to start from scratch.

    1. Affirm myself, endorse myself for starting.

    2. Affrim myself/endorse myself for coming to PA to get the help I so desperately need.

    3, Use this computer to see if I can get in the correct site.If not, I can call (I don't know if I can even talk) I feel like throwing up.

    4. One more step. and just do it.I am not going to feel any better later and even if I waste this beautiful day, I need to accept where I am right now.

    5. Pray pray pray.

    wishing vic peace

    clement - 15 Jul 2009 - 11:39am

    when i feel like you do, i have been getting a lot of benefit lately from thinking of how God thinks of me. Even if God would agree with the mistakes, his emotional stance toward me would be one of complete love and forgiveness. I can't help feeling better when i think of it that way.

    Praying4u

    ----------
    the touch of the master's hand: http://procrastinators-anonymous.org/node/1898#comment-27748

    "fall down seven times, get up eight" - japanese proverb

    you can do it vic!

    journey - 15 Jul 2009 - 10:20am

    "The elevator to success is out of order.   You'll have to take the stairs . . . one step at a time." - Joe Girard

    praying for vic

    Agnus - 15 Jul 2009 - 9:23am

    Higher Power, please send your calm and courage to vic, as you have so many times before. Show her the next little baby step in your will for her today, and grant her the power to carry it out.  Thank you, HP, for helping all of us in PA. We all need you, and each other. Amen.

    kromer 9:40 CI

    kromer - 15 Jul 2009 - 12:32pm

    A little late getting started this morning (got distracted setting up fruit fly traps this morning :P ), but now I'm ready to work

    MITs:
    *Read about RA in el (working on this now...I'm going to read and take notes of 2 papers, then check back)
    *Read about RA in sp.
    *Finish pathway retrieval (very close to done w/ this, but requires lots of typing and shoulders/wrists are hurting, so need to take a break)
    *Laundry

    Other tasks:
    *Lit. search BMPs
    *Work on analysis code
    *Read about 3 meiotic blocks
    *Email TH, PR
    *Ask about library books (I'll do this soon as a chance to take a break/walk alround)

    Breaks: cookout 5:30-8

    Right now I'll work for 2 hrs on pathway retrieval, then read a paper on RA in el.

    just_me checking in 3:19 pm and out 1:23 am

    just_me - 15 Jul 2009 - 6:24pm

    I also love the starter! Made me feel calm instantly. 

    I slept really long today and have to leave soon, so I don´t know if I´ll be able to get too much of my list done. I´ll try anyway.

     

    Exercise

    Rosemary wreath

    Sew zipper

    Cut fabric

    Carpet

    Tailor

    Leave on time for train

    I would like to get up early tomorrow so I can make it to the tailor in the morning before it gets too hot. I´ve been putting that off for two days now and would like to get it done.

    Thanks for letting me share!

    e's wednesday c/i

    tenacious e - 15 Jul 2009 - 8:03am

    I can feel myself slipping out of a productive mode and into addictive behavior today. I have not been willing to follow through on my program and am escaping into sugar, books and the internet. There is so much to be gained by putting one foot in front of the other that I would like to spend some time here today working in 15 minute spurts. I am finding that I like to indulge in handling other people's problems, ie, my mother's to avoid working on my own: the altruistic procrastinator's approach. So, for today, I am asking for help to work on my own bits, to be aware of my time, to stand up and putter in the right direction and see what happens.

    I also find I am much more willing to do things with the help of others, which is why the chatbox is so helpful. My son told me the other day that theories in economics hold that 2 people working towards a common goal are nearly 1.5 times more efficient than an individual doing so: in other words, it takes one person 3 times as long to do what 2 people working on a common goal accomplish. In my case I think that number is much higher (especially when it comes to dishes!) So, viva la chatbox!

    asking for help to do the next right thing

    the altruistic procrastinator's approach

    Agnus - 15 Jul 2009 - 9:17am

    lol, e...this is one of my addiction's favorite tricks! In fact, I spent about half my time yesterday doing this very thing.  Thanks for calling it out.  Today I will focus on honestly "rendering unto Caesar" - who doesn't pay me to be a social worker! :O Although he should, I'm so darn good at it!

    mj Wednesday ci

    mamajama - 15 Jul 2009 - 8:21pm

    lovely starter, fudo_shin.

    Today's top three:

    1write reflection on home visit

    2read articles and write assignment

    3pick up report and mail

    Nice to get done: 

    housework

    half of back yd re mow and rake


    walk dogs

     

    journey 8:45

    journey - 15 Jul 2009 - 7:59am

    Nice thread starter!

    I took yesterday off and now it's time to get back to work!  I've been to the gym, had breakfast, read email, and checked my calendar.  I have an 11 am meeting but otherwise it should be a quiet day.   This is not necessarily good for productivity!

    I am making my todo list now.  

     

    "The elevator to success is out of order.   You'll have to take the stairs . . . one step at a time." - Joe Girard