Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.

Tuesday June 30, 2009


Convalaria 8.39 am Wednesday morning

 Still struggling for a measure of recovery.
Tasks for today
*morning self in medicate, shower, moisturise, teeth, back exercises, make up and dress
*30 minutes general maintenance household tasks
*30 Minutes  house cleaning
*Walk doggy and clock up atleast 6000 steps
*Book swim lessons
*Aload of laudry and schoolsorting while it runs
*Call Re, LES,
*dentist at 10.20 I think
*Manicure and pedicure at 2pm
*Post offfice

Starting now by checking appointment times

"Recovery from procrastination means doing what you say you're going to do, when you say you're going to do it."

"When we multiply tiny increments of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can acco

Recycler CI 6:30pm EST

Hi Pro Buddies!

I am back online now! I really missed you guys!!!

In day-to-day life, I tend to get overwhelmed; hence not doing things, therefore procrastinating. So I attend exercise conference each year to learn and reinforce as many ways as I can the help me not be stuck/stay stuck emotionally and otherwise, because it helps me in my recovery, PA and my other programs, too.

Exercise conference each year for me is learning new techniques and new ideas. This year (the year I planned to not go but went anyway) in addition to the physical exercises & techniques, without attracting attention I had tears coming down my face because the experiential emotional learning was so strong: that other people had to emotionally process too even at conference, and that I could emotionally process also without having to leave the roon/session. Wow, HP was really working. I need to transcribe my notes from the conference, so I can access the ideas to continue progress through during this year.

Also, thank you, HP, for letting me have a safe trip. I have agoraphobia. Three days before the conference I found out the airport shuttle wasn't available as previously stated. I started having panic attacks at the thought of a rental car. But with prayer from a local group, I was able get the rental car in an unfamiliar city, drive 1.5+ hours in unfamiliar territory, find where I was supposed to go, and be emotionally present during the conference. During the drives to & from, I was able to recover from getting lost in the car on both drives. On the return airline trip, the delayed first flight had me making the connecting flight with less than 5 minutes to spare vs the 1.5 hours I was supposed to have, but I ran for the gate "just in case" and made it. It would have been ok if I hadn't made it, but I was very thankful that I did get there in time for the flight, even though I didn't get to go to the bathroom in between flights :( [tmi]

Since it's the 7th consecutive annual conference I've been to of a group that has a totally different religion than I do, I have a lot of thanks to HP for providing Recovery Paths via the most unexpected of sources, and for keeping me safe physically, emotionally, and in all ways. Thanks, HP!

Anyway, somehow I made it through a full workday today. I'm going to type a little more, then look forward going to sleep on time, instead of with the 3-hour time difference that I've had since last Thursday.

Have a great night, everyone! :) Hugs! :)



Thank you, gals & guys, for being here! :)

Welcom back Recycler

Wow. . . I think being lost in a strange car in a strange city would freak me out, even without agorophobia!  Sounds like you did great - congrats!  And I hope your jet lag goes away fast!


fudo_shin - 12 days - 2:59 pm

12 DAYS!!!

  • social networking sites, including facebook, twitter, youtube
  • dating sites
  • chatting sites: woome, chat with a stranger, etc.  I cannot be on a
    chatting site.  MMORPGs count as "chat sites".  IRC.  The only
    exception is 12 step-related chat.
  • chat programs
  • YouTube, Google videos, Crackle
  •, and calling anyone's associated fan line

I never thought I'd make it.  I fell through on my commitment to brush my teeth before bed for 21 days.  I just didn't do it last night.  My second day, last night.  eeep. I stayed up way too late, and did a whole bunch of unnecessary things like "window shopping" on websites yesterday and didn't leave the house when I said I would, and kept making food.


Just as a review the following are important to me this week:

  • wake up at 6am on July 1st, and apply for food stamps and cash assistance
  • run 5 minutes+ 1 minute walk * 5, on Tuesday, Wed, Friday and Saturday, in order to jump back into running plan
  • get done with English papers
  • be on time for the interview with the company I would like to work for on Thursday morning at 10:30am.  Must leave at 10am and get up at 8:30am.  Which means I need to sleep by 12am the night of Wednesday
  • brush teeth before bed


Please do not leave advice.  Thank you.  Prayers welcome. 

Journey 11:15

Late check in for me today but I am happy to report that I have not been goofing off (much!).

I've been to the gym, then Mal-Wart - thank goodness today was payday, the money ran out before the month ended so I was totally broke over the weekend.   I have this love/hate relationship withWal-mart.  AM I the only one?

So, although I was ostensibly online by 8:30, I really didn't start to work until closer to 9:00 and I had a 10 am conference call to prep for.  Call just ended . . . now i'm going to make a todolist for the rest of the day and have some lunch.  

Have an enjoyable and productive day everyone!


"The elevator to success is out of order.   You'll have to take the stairs . . . one step at a time." - Joe Girard

Agnus 10:45am, 3:34pm

Just to be honest: I am really struggling with my recovery program(s).  I'm waking up every morning with my stomach in a knot, anxious because of the backogs or perceived backlogs and that old nagging feeling of impending doom.  Hate this!  God please help me. Making it worse: my Outlook calendar has a bug and that's where I schedule my day. Acck.

I believe. Just for today, I will " freed...just believe...get up!" (Mk 5)

This is an unrealistic list but it's what is pressuring me today, so I list it and pray for grace to "go in peace:"

  • Call Deb and amend for not meeting today
  • Massage therapy 11:15
  • Advise RR of toolkit ship
  • Phone tech support for help later today
  • 1 hour calling DLs
  • 1 hour researching and calling 4 new AP Onsites
  • send weekly update report
  • team conf call 2pm
  • call studio tech
  • order cd-roms
  • finish AP spreadsheet
  • 30 minutes from Project Mgmt folder
  • 30 minutes from Today folder
  • 1 hour from To Read folder
  • 30 minutes from bill basket


thanks for sharing, bGG

Your words resonate with me and no doubt many others here, bGG. Thank you for sharing and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.


byGodsGrace todays ci

Epic failure...Amazing grace

Haven't posted because I am still in a bit of shock - but I know I can share this here and it will be understood and maybe help someone else not face the same.

Last week started as the best week EVER and ended as the worst. I have never publicly failed on that scale before. In fact, on of the things that made it the best week was that professionally I stepped out with a public face for the first time - only to promise things in a big way that I didn't deliver. Not only did I let down and disappoint the most important and influnencial client i've ever had and all those important people that were involved, I did it online. 

Had it not been for prayers from a few people that knew how bad it was and the amazing love and grace of God I wouldn't have survived the weekend. The shame, fear, embarassment, hopelessness, denial, panic and too many other emotions to describe were overwhelming.

In the face of that I did not hide out which is a testament to some progress here. Without Gods grace i would have had a nervous breakdown, complete mental snap and probably would have hurt myself - knowing i have my daughter to take care of am have no choice but to recover was my first life line. Then I had 2 friends who gave me hope in the word to remind me that as amazing as it is to imagine, God KNEW my failure and weakness before it happened (not that he wanted it to happen, but gives me free will to let it happen) and that he ALREADY has a solution. It may not be what I would choose but he will give me grace to go thru it if I trust him. I am still in a bit of shock and completely surrendered to God - having hit professional and financial bottom - to make something good out of what is so horribly bad.

I spent so much time and money on this job because of the potential for visibility that i didn't profit and worse I now have to pay it back. I was financially barely making it month to month and will need a miracle to pay my bills for July.

In the midst of this I see God working in me and through others to bless me and I am so grateful for Christians who actually walk out the love of God. The clients still don't want to talk to me - understandable - but have graciously kept from blasting me online and are willing to let me pay them back over time. The planner admited to not talking to me the day of b/c whe would have said things in anger that she didn't mean and would regret later and showed me incredible love and kindness despite legitimate reasons to be outraged. It is so sad that a recurring theme for me has been that people put up with me because they think I am talented and love my work - when I get it done on time. She acutally would work with me again - with strict deadlines of course. But that is a miracle in itself. It is also a miracle that I spoke to anyone. I have not done things before and avoided the person or situation completely and the thought of packing up and moving home without a word to anyone crossed my mind.

From a PA perspective - i learned that whatever progress I've made, I am still an avoidance addict with an inability to plan or see things rationally at times. I tried to do a job that no normal person would do alone by myself and in not enough time. I made a whole series of bad decisions and overextended myself so that I had no real sleep for days and when failure was inevitable, I still couldn't see it - tried to stick to the original plan instead of adjust. In the aftermath, having slept and out from under all the pressure i put on myself I can see so many easy solutions - a friend told me it's being so desperate to have everything right and in the end I had no ability to switch gears and do something passable just to have it done.

I can see so many mistakes... the biggest being that I made a plan but didn't follow it and that led me to an impossible situation. I also see that I need accountability in a very serious way. I must have someone who knows what my obligations are and what my plans are to meet them - and my flesh even after this failure resists that - because in truth I know I have unrealistic expectations of myself and my time and for anyone to really look in they would see it clearly. Crazy that there would be denial still after all of this...

I am humbled and scared and holding on to the love of God for direction and hope. I have a few more impossible deadlines (if I don't handle them without perfectionism)  to face and meet this week in the midst of my feeling so bad about myself and i never perform well when I am financially insecure - so I am completely surrendered and at the end of myself here and as bad as that feels I know it means God can use this to continue to remake me into what he created me to be.

thank you everyone here for listening and being here for me - i would not have even progressed enough to have gotten this job likely or been able to stand in the face of this failure (however weak my legs feel under me) without this fellowship of overcomers and i truly love and appreciate you all.

I am not going to give up as much as i want to and I would so appreciate your prayers so that I can not retreat but overcome this in the way God has planned.

Thank You Grace

Thank you for sharing Grace, you have my hug(s)!!!!

I know God will use this for something good. It truly was epic- an epic thriller!!!!. I love the fact that you took on something "that no normal person" would take on.  That is sooooo cool. When I learn  to tap in the spirit my HP "does for me what I could not do for myself" or any normal person. I think that is why my HP took away my rational reasoning abilities, because he can use me to do things that no reasonable person would do. I hesitate sharing the great  financial success my hp has given me, but I guess it is what people want to see, kind of like people want to see a thin person in OA. For some people it is what attracts them, and makes the program credible. It gets their attention- It makes them willing to keep coming back.

I sense "epic success" for you by God's Grace.

Your friend in recovery, Vic


(((bGG, sending hugs & prayers)))

Hugs to by GodsGrace!

Sending hugs & prayers!



Thank you, gals & guys, for being here! :)


My prayers are with you. I admire you for facing this tough situation and know you will get through it!


metaphorically standing beside you and wishing you strength and support.

hugs {{{{{bGG}}}}}

You will get through this and learn from it!


"The elevator to success is out of order.   You'll have to take the stairs . . . one step at a time." - Joe Girard

thank you bGG

you said: I tried to do a job that no normal person would do alone by myself and in not enough time.

How many times I could have said those exact words.  I think we have some kind of learning disability when it comes to estimating time.   :?

You're teaching us that when we slip is the most important time to reach out to our fellow sufferers, and that slips can be recovered!  more huuuugggggzzzzz.


"The elevator to success is out of order.   You'll have to take the stairs . . . one step at a time." - Joe Girard

bGG ci ((((group hug))))

I am so grateful to everyone here - and can feel everyones love and support and hugs - dd and i have a habit of saying group hug and hugging everyone at once really tight to make it all better - thanks for helping 'make it all better' for me today.

I tend to not be a crying person - and lately its all i can do! But the tears of guilt and overwhelming pain are now replaced by those of gratitude at being loved when broken and being transparent before God and people that love and understand you - i am so truly humbled and tho i don't have all the answers i know good can come of this somehow

i have habit of hiding in shame and retreating and avoiding reality as if that will help it go away... one of many lessons I am already learning in this mess i made is that as HARD as it is to admit and face this (or any) failure it is better to be honest and ask for help - if i was better at that to start (and so many other things)  i could have posted a praise report instead of this one.

for today i am focusing on the next jobs in front of me being COMPLETED and getting paid so I can pay the rent. I have no time for perfectionism  - which has not stopped me in the past as we can all see - so I am posting to stay aware and finish required samples today for jobC.

I love and appreciate everyone here more than words can say


Holding you in the light. . . and very impressed at how you are staying honest, staying present, and doing your best to learn from the situation.  


kromer 10 am

Lots of logistical stuff to deal w/ today, and some "real work" as well.

Scheduled: Lab mtg 10:10-12

*Finish animal training, turn in safety form, get stuff out of lab
*Finish DG's project and email DG about it.
*Find components of RA pathway, start list of associated pathways, make slide on idea
*Prepare toastmasters speech

Other tasks:
*Budgeting, pick up paycheck
*Basic proc of stages data
*Ask MC about Wnt
*Reading about meiotic blocks

Breaks: square dance 8-10:30

Heading to lab mtg now, will check back after that

kromer 12 CI

Just got out of lab mtg, going to go turn in safety for and get last signature on animal training form, then I'll go get lunch, then work for an hour and try to finish up DG's project.

kromer 5:15 CI

Not working so fast today, but at least I'm going.

Turned in safety and animal training forms, got lunch, then I finally finished DGs project (I was slowed up by an unexpected goodbye party, but I've also just been having trouble focusing)

Now, I'm going to try and work on my other MITs...I'll send 45 min planning out my toastmasters speech, then I'll work on RA/associated pathways.  

kromer 7:15 CI

I'm really poking along, and getting very frustrated with myself.

The good news is that my toastmasters speech is prepared and practiced...I want to do another couple of run-throughs with a tape recorder tomorrow morning, but I'm pretty much ready. And I've had a healthy dinner. And I picked up my paycheck.

 However, I haven't started work on RA/associated pathways, which I really wanted to get done today. And I keep getting distracted by websurfing (though I've stayed off the 5 sites in my 'bottom lines').

It's OK, if I don't finish my MITs today the world won't come to an end, I just need to focus now and do the best I can. I think I'll plan on getting to square dancing a little late (around 8:30 rather than 8), so that I have some time to at least get started on this MIT. I'm going to make a slide on my ideas to start. Then, I'll skim through the review papers I already have, and see what associated pathways are listed on those.  

Lab is pretty empty, so I'll try using the chatbox to help me focus.  

GeorgeSmiley 8:05 AM + updates

An aside to fudo_shin: no advice here. But deep admiration for your willingness to take on your struggle. 

MITs today:

#1: Must start Project P-B sometime today

#2: New immediate project E UPDATE 10:45 AM: FINISHED

#3: Several interviews for Project W-06 UPDATE: 10:45 AM: 1 down, awaiting others UPDATE 2 PM: Finished for the day. More people to interview but I can't until tomorrow or Thursday. 

#4: More reporting for Project P-09 Update 2 PM: Will focus on tomorrow morning when I'll be working out of Client M's offices all AM.

#5: Last interview for Project C-E, then need to at least outline. UPDATE 10:45 AM: interview done, now must outline 

That's too many MITs. My drifting for the last several weeks has led me back to having to juggle many things at once and away from my desired goal of being able to focus on one or two projects only a day.

A further thought: on me and chatroom.

I'm thinking I'm better off on a regular basis using the checkin threads, and reserving the chatroom use for special challenges or when I'm having more trouble.

That might change, but that's how I'm seeing it for me, for now.


OK, back from some errands. 2 hours to work on Project C-E and Project P-B.

First C-E




Want what you have. Be who you are. Do what you can. ~Forrest Church

The Hero's Code:

Show Up. Pay Attention. Speak the Truth. Let Go of the Outcome.


I really liked yesterday's question on the fudo shin post"What is your reward/"

For me, recovery from procratination is freedom. I focused on that yesterday, and was able to get some things acomplished- which goes to show, deep down I "KNOW WHAT TO DO".  I don't understand it all but I know by checking in and learning new things and being open, I have progress.

1. walk (make lsit), 2. More paperwork,3. Airline tickets 4. Phone calls 5 volunteer work 

Thank you all for being here on this road to freedom to be all that we were meant to be.