I just lost everything I wrote a minute ago because I thought I could get back to my comment.
Its ok. I was writing about my self loathing, etc., pain, but because I am feel like I am not alone, I had the courage to get through it.
I sent in the tax stuff to the accountant about an hour ago. The task itself was not so bad, but all the feelings and issues that went with it were incomprehensible. My stomach hurts, I am exausted and spent. I feel like I I was a suicide bomber and blew myself up, but I am still alive.
I don't understand this part of me and maybe I never will. I don't want to live like this but I don't know how to change.
The tools helped me. I kept telling myself, small steps, visalize, and push.
I wanted to share a success because I think people here would really understand how this pathetic little task was such a miracle for someone like me.
Thank you for letting me share and I want to thank others for sharing their pain and progress.
I pray we all have the bessings and courage of St. Partrick today.